Cow Island

Not what you expected

2011-05-28T07:11:00.005+01:00

Hello....bet you didn't expect this!

It's me, your author aka The Great Pencil in the Sky.

What am I doing here? Where are the Cows?

Well now, as some of you will know, I've been writing about my little chums for quite a while now. Six blogs a week, each blog with it's own illustration. Last autumn I passed the 1,000 blog mark and I've had the most wonderful time in doing all of this.

But the fact is it all takes time, about a day week, and truth be told I need a break and I'm afraid it's going to be rather a long one. I'm sorry to just be cutting it off, mid story, it wasn't my original intention it's just turned out that way. Let me assure you that both the Cows and me are fine, Annie is doing the washing up as I type this (there's water everywhere) and the rest are having their 5th breakfast. Will we all return at some future point? I think so, maybe towards the end of the year but I make no promises.

So thank you for reading, I hope we've entertained and if you're out somewhere and from the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of six small bovines looking rather lost, do please stop and have a chat with them, they're really rather a friendly herd.

For now, take care, keep safe, eat cake, drink tea and giggle....giggle a lot, it's what life is all about.

Know your Pirates

2011-05-27T06:44:00.003+01:00

'And so,' explained Norma, 'thanks to Annie's contact in the security industry...'

At this point Annie herded across to Captain Bill and whispered at him.

'That's Mr Norman, he is an elephant you know.'

Before turning and stampeding back to her position by a large notice board.

'...who shall remain nameless...sort of,' continued Norma, 'we now have access to the latest advanced database of pirate sheep captains at large upon the high seas.'

Captain Bill nervously opened his eye and looked at the pictures on the board.

'Rough lot,' he remarked.

'We could have them!' said Bertha.

'Now if you'll pay attention,' said Norma, 'from top left, Harry the Fleece, known grass stealer, has form for wandering off. Next, Little Eyepatch Sam, currently the only female pirate, how does she keep that fleece so curly? Then Flossie, more of him later. Then Tom...he doesn't seem to have a nickname and is currently thought not to be a threat as he was last seen with his head stuck in a hedge and finally just a picture of another sheep because we thought the board could do with it.'

'Well you can't fault the research,' said Captain Bill.

'Indeed,' agreed Bertha.

'Thank you,' replied Norma, 'so in our opinion...it's...'

And here Annie used her her pointy stick to give a little drum roll.

'Flossie!' mooed Norma, 'he fits the bill, lots of eye patches, big flock, recently been recruiting etc, etc.'

'Let me at 'im!' screamed Bertha.

'Erm..,' said Captain Bill, 'well.....no need to hurry.'

But Bertha was already heading towards to docks.

Are there limits for elephants?

2011-05-26T06:56:00.004+01:00

'So then she said it was all my fault and sacked me!' said Norman.

Annie gave Norman a hug.

'Is that because you feel sorry for me or because you like hugging me?' asked Norman.

'A bit of both,' replied Annie and she gave Norman another hug.

'I said to her,' said Norman, 'I said, I couldn't be expected to be everywhere at once....but still, the fact is, at the end of the day, I'm no longer head of security.'

Annie administered a third and fourth hug.

'So what now?' she asked.

'Just this part time gardening,' replied Norman, 'but it's not the same, the thrill has gone, let's face it there simply aren't as many life or death moments in the world of herbaceous borders.'

Annie dug deep and found an unused pack of huglettes.

'So I was thinking,' continued Norman, 'maybe I should just quit and go undercover in a relentless pursuit of the criminal mastermind who perpetrated this heinous act of royal type crown nabbing.'

'It would seem the only sensible answer,' replied Annie.

'I think you're probably right,' said Norman and he put down the watering can.

'So do you want those flowers then?' asked Annie.

'Help yourself!' replied Norman.

So Annie ate the flowers and Norman slipped off into the shadows.

Wool...up close!

2011-05-24T20:17:00.004+01:00

'No doubt about it,' said Norma, 'it's sheep's wool.'

'So Annie was wrong!' mooed Bertha.

'Indeed,' replied Norma, 'although I must say I'm not sure that giant carnivorous woolly stoats actually exist.'

'I was seeing it as a long shot,' said Bertha.

'I'll break the news to her as gently as I can,' replied Norma.

'And we'll have to tell the others as well,' added Bertha, '...including mon brave Capitaine.'

'I'll break the news to him as gently as I can,' said Norma.

'That's a role I'd be happy to take on,' replied Bertha.

'And just how gently would you do it?' asked Norma.

Bertha smiled.

'That's what I thought,' said Norma.

'I think I just like watching him fall over,' replied Bertha.

But Norma insisted that she would tell Captain Bill...but she did let Bertha watch from a distance.

The importance of a hat

2011-05-23T17:35:00.004+01:00

'We found it stuck inside the penguin costume,' said Bertha.

Captain Bill looked nervously at the object on the grass in front of him.

'It's a hat,' mooed Norma.

'Mmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I can see that.'

'Well you can pick it up if you want to,' said Bertha.

'.......rather not,' replied Captain Bill.

'But it's only a tiny hat!' said Bertha.

'I know,' replied Captain Bill, 'but still...can't help finding it...slightly threatening.'

'Actually,' said Norma, 'just for once I find myself in agreement with our captain.'

'Crikey!' said Captain Bill.

'I probably won't be making a habit of it,' added Norma.

'Accepted,' said Captain Bill.

Bertha looked from Norma to Captain Bill and back again.

'Well,' she said, 'if you find that worrying wait until you see what I found inside it.'

And she held up a something.

And Captain Bill fell over.

Squirrels in modern piracy

2011-05-23T05:30:00.003+01:00

'Sorry about the squirrels,' bleated Lefty.

'Not your fault,' replied Flossie, 'my call, buck stops here.'

'It'd gone fine in training,' continued Lefty.

'Very true, very true,' replied Flossie, 'and if you don't try these things.'

'Good of you to see it that way,' said Lefty, 'but still....cancelled the rest of the programme.'

'Fair enough,' replied Flossie.

'And I've let the rabbits go,' said Lefty, '...in anticipation.'

'Could see you weren't happy about them,' replied Flossie.

'So that about wraps it up for the small vertebrate pirate training,' concluded Lefty, 'not one of our better ideas.'

'Best to move on,' replied Flossie, 'and at the end of the day...still got the crown!'

'Dave played a blinder,' said Lefty.

'Costume was made for him,' replied Flossie, 'and he still managed to look slightly threatening.'

'And a clean getaway as well,' added Lefty, 'as far as I can see they won't have a clue who did it!'

'Top piracy in action,' replied Flossie, 'I think we aught to celebrate.'

And the grass nibbling went on late into the night.

When a penguin isn't

2011-05-14T11:46:00.004+01:00

'Is that.....?' asked Cyril.

'It's nesting,' replied Bertha.

'I'm fine about it!' said Captain Bill.

'And he looks all scratched,' added Cyril.

'Not now!' said Norma and she gave Cyril a smile. 'So what have you found?'

'Ta da!' said Cyril and he stepped back to reveal Geraldine and a something that looked completely unlike Geraldine.

'What is it?' asked Captain Bill.

'Well,' replied Cyril, 'I'm no expert in these things but it looks to me like a demented person's attempt at a penguin costume.'

Everyone had a good look.

'It's not at all well made,' said Norma.

'Very poor,' agreed Bertha.

'In the cold harsh light of day I'd be forced to agree with you,' replied Cyril, 'but in the early hours of the morning, in the middle of an alcohol fuelled, post award ceremony, penguin filled party?'

'It becomes a veritable masterpiece of a disguise!' exclaimed Bertha.

'Which means?' asked Captain Bill.

'Skulduggery!' said Norma.

A bird and a hat

2011-05-12T20:28:00.002+01:00

'But why is he......'

'He's stuck,' said Bertha.

'No I'm not!' mooed Captain Bill.

Bertha mouthed 'He is' at Norma.

'I saw that!' said Captain Bill.

Norma and Bertha ignored him.

'So did you find anything?' asked Norma.

'Not really,' replied Bertha.

'Fine,' said Norma, 'well at least you had a good look.'

'My hat got knocked off!' called out Captain Bill.

'Not by me!' replied Bertha.

'Perhaps I should have gone with him?' suggested Norma.

Bertha shrugged her horns.

'So what's next?' she asked.

'That's why I came to find you,' replied Norma, 'Cyril wants us, he's found something.

'About time!' said Bertha and she herded off at speed.

'So are you stuck?' asked Norma.

'Little bit,' said Captain Bill.

A Cow in the bushes is worth?

2011-05-11T18:18:00.000+01:00

'Well if you hadn't flicked that branch!' said Captain Bill.

'I didn't flick the branch,' replied Bertha.

'...........................................................................................Did!' said Captain Bill.

'I'm behind you,' replied Bertha, 'how could I have flicked the branch?'

'You stumbled,' said Captain Bill.

'I'm warning you,' said Bertha, 'we both know how this is going to end, it won't be pretty.'

'Well the whole thing is pointless anyway,' mooed Captain Bill, 'we're not going to find a crown in here.'

'You said we should search in the bushes,' replied Bertha.

'Not this far!' said Captain Bill, 'how would it get this far in? Half a dozen trained squirrels with ropes couldn't have got it this far in.'

'We'll push on a bit further,' said Bertha.

'We will not!' said Captain Bill, 'we will retrieve mon chapeau and exit stage left.'

'Not sure you'll be able to,' replied Bertha.

'And why not?' asked Captain Bill.

'I think that bird's started nesting in it,' replied Bertha.

In the long grass

2011-05-10T18:03:00.004+01:00

'No!' mooed Annie, 'No!....No!........Not that one.......No!'

'Hello!' said Norma.

'With you in a second,' replied Annie, '.......No!.....No!.....No!'

'Actually,' said Norma, 'I don't think you need to check under every blade of grass, crowns tend to be a bit bigger than that.'

'Are you sure?' asked Annie.

'Pretty certain,' replied Norma.

'Hmm,' mused Annie, 'what if I just looked under the taller ones?'

'Sounds like a sure fire winner to me,' replied Norma.

'I feel I've always scored rather highly on compromisabubbleability,' said Annie.

'I recon you have,' said Norma.

'And it'll save Geraldine's little wings getting too tired from holding the magnifying glass,' added Annie.

'Well considering her new found celebrity status we aught to take care of her,' replied Norma.

Annie considered this.

'I could wrap her in newspaper and put a fragile sticker on her beak,' she suggested.

'Perhaps later on,' replied Norma, 'right now I think we need her help.'

And so the search went on.

Royalty and the Poet

2011-05-09T18:02:00.005+01:00

'Death, ruin, ruin, death, in the end are we not all lost?'

'And that was supposed to cheer me up was it?' said Queen Phoebe.

'I've got others,' replied Horace.

And he waved a large sheaf of poems.

'Any limericks?' asked Queen Phoebe.

'Erm...not as such,' replied Horace.

'Probably give it a miss then,' said Queen Phoebe.

'I could massage your feet if you like?' suggested Horace. 'I do Norma's hooves sometimes if she's been out for a long walk.'

Queen Phoebe looked at her feet.

'One can't help thinking there might be a degree of difference between royal toesies and Norma's hooves,' she said, '...with all due respect to Norma.'

'She has very delicate hooves,' remarked Horace, 'I have to be careful.'

'Hmm,' said Queen Phoebe, 'I guess I'm just not in the mood. It's surprising how losing an extremely expensive, solid gold, sentiment encrusted, royal type crown can put you right off that sort of thing.'

'Oh well!' replied Horace. 'Still, if I was you, I wouldn't worry too much about it.'

'Really?' said Queen Phoebe.

'Really,' replied Horace, 'after all, even as we speak, my chums are carrying out the most professional investigation that you could possibly imagine.'

A meeting with thinks

2011-05-08T17:53:00.006+01:00

'So,' said Bertha, 'the last Queen Phoebe remembers is doing a polka with Cyril and then waking up later on and finding that her crown had gone missing.'

'I knew it!' mooed Captain Bill.

'It's not Cyril!' said Norma.

'Wellll,' said Captain Bill, 'I shall reserve judgement...where is he anyway?'

'He's making sure that nobody notices Queen Phoebe is absent,' replied Bertha.

'We need to buy time to be able to work out what happened,' added Norma.

'She'll have dropped it somewhere,' said Captain Bill, 'we'll just have a look around in the bushes, it'll turn up.'

'I'm not so sure,' replied Norma, 'what we have to do is some thinking...and talking of such, anything yet?'

'Well,' said Annie, 'so far I can report one minor think.'

'Which is?' asked Bertha.

'That I like waggling my legs in the air,' replied Annie.

'Genius!' said Captain Bill, 'case closed, problem solved!'

'Don't start!' mooed Norma, 'Annie's thinks have proved invaluable in the past.'

'Hmm,' replied Captain Bill, 'well at this rate we'll still be here at Christmas, which won't please her majesty at all.'

'True,' said Bertha, 'and she is feeling very down about the whole situation.'

'Ah!' said Norma, 'the one bit of good news is that I've made moves to correct that.'

'How?' asked Captain Bill.

'I've sent someone to keep her company,' replied Norma.

'Who?' asked Captain Bill.

'Horace,' said Norma.

A Queen without

2011-05-07T07:09:00.003+01:00

'Oh!' sobbed Queen Phoebe. 'Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!'

'So you're upset then?' said Captain Bill.

Norma hit Captain Bill.

'Of course she's upset!'

'Well haven't you got another one?' asked Captain Bill. 'Can't imagine that you're short of them. Last time I took a look around the castle it was like 'crowns 'r' us'! '

'But it was One's best!' said Queen Phoebe.

'And it was given to her by King Otto,' added Norma.

'Ah!' said Captain Bill.

'Imagine it,' said Norma, 'your bestest crown, given to you as a gift by your beloved, your one and only, a token of his love and undying affection. Is it any wonder her majesty's upset? How an earth would you break the news? Just think of how he'll react!'

'More to the point,' said Queen Phoebe, 'just imagine how the press will react! I'll get a right duffing up and no mistake!'

'Right!' said Captain Bill.

'I can see it now,' continued Queen Phoebe, ' 'Queen loses crown...again!'.'

'Again!' mooed Norma.

'It was a long time ago,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'I was very young, I'd rather not talk about it.'

'You may not,' said Captain Bill, 'but you can bet your life the papers will!'

'Oh!' groaned Queen Phoebe, 'Oh! Oh! Oh!'

In the bushes

2011-05-05T19:44:00.004+01:00

'Psst!' said Norma. 'We're back!'

'Well about blooming time!' said a voice in the bushes.

Norma beckoned Captain Bill closer.

'Look!' she said and pulled a branch to one side.

Captain Bill looked in.

'It's Queen Phoebe,' said Norma.

'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'I thought it was.'

'Well?' said Norma.

'Well what?' replied Captain Bill.

'Well don't you notice anything strange about her?'

'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'she's sitting in the middle of a bush.'

'Beyond that!' said Norma.

'Some sort of tree?' replied Captain Bill.

'I meant beyond that fact that she's sitting in a bush!' mooed Norma.

'Er?' replied Captain Bill.

Norma pulled the branch even further.

'Er?' said Captain Bill again.

'Oh honestly!' exclaimed Norma. 'Look!..........No crown!'

'Crikey!' said Captain Bill.

Responding to a crisis

2011-05-04T19:46:00.004+01:00

'Hello,' said Norma.

'Ah!' said Captain Bill. 'You've surfaced!'

'I would thank you if you could spare any remarks,' replied Norma.

'I'll try,' said Captain Bill.

'Most kind,' replied Norma. 'Now....'

And here Norma slowly glanced around her before moving closer to Captain Bill.

'A crisis has arisen,' she whispered.

'Nothing new there then,' replied Captain Bill. 'Our specialist subject. So what is it? Cyril sold all the penguins into slavery? Annie confronted reality at last? Horace feeling a bit down? Not really a crisis that last one but still.'

'You're not helping,' said Norma.

'Not sure I was trying to,' replied Captain Bill. 'So what is it really?

'Can't say,' whispered Norma, '...for reasons that will become apparent...but if you wouldn't mind just walking this way?'

'If I could walk that way...' began Captain Bill, but Norma held up a hoof and he stopped.

'This,' she said, 'is no laughing matter. There is no time to lose. Not a moment must be wasted...but don't walk too fast, I'm still a little fragile.'

And so together, Norma and Captain Bill herded off.

Putting on a hat

2011-05-03T18:49:00.004+01:00

'OK!' said Horace, 'that's the pillow off, now to put your hat on.'

'Please be careful,' pleaded Norma.

'Of course I will,' replied Horace, '...if you can just tilt your head slightly?'

'I'd rather not,' said Norma.

'Well I can't lean over any further,' replied Horace.

Norma moved her head...very, very slightly.

'I think it's really going to need to be more than that,' said Horace.

And he tried to catch the hat onto one of Norma's horns.

'Ow!' said Norma.

'Sorry,' said Horace.

'Well just be careful!' mooed Norma.

'Look!' said Horace, 'It's not my fault! You could try to stop this from happening in the first place.'

'That's not fair,' replied Norma, 'I'm pretty sure I only had one drink at the awards and then one more later at the party.'

'Rubbish!' said Horace. 'You know what you were!'

'Psst!' said a voice from the bushes.

'Never!' exclaimed Norma.

Collecting Penguins

2011-05-02T18:26:00.004+01:00

'But don't you find it just a little depressing?' said Captain Bill.

Cyril looked blankly back at him.

'Just the whole excess of it,' continued Captain Bill.

'They're just sleeping it off,' replied Cyril.

'But really!' said Captain Bill.

'They were only having fun,' replied Cyril, 'nobody got hurt.'

Captain Bill sighed.

'I think it's embarrassing,' he said, 'and it's quite clear to me that you shouldn't try to mix penguins and alcohol.'

'Well you'd have trouble finding a cocktail shaker that was big enough,' replied Cyril.

'You have to make a joke about everything don't you!' mooed Captain Bill.

'Sorry,' replied Cyril, 'you're right, it's wrong to let them get this way. I'll promise never to let this happen again.'

'Really?' said Captain Bill.

'Really,' said Cyril, 'and from now on I'll try to take things more seriously.'

'Well,' said Captain Bill, '.....fine.'

And with that Captain Bill headed on his way and Cyril went back to pulling his cart.

'Bring out your penguins!' he cried as he trundled along.

The morning after the party before

2011-05-01T17:27:00.004+01:00

'Make way!' mooed Annie. 'Coming through....make way please!'

'Just how do you manage it?' whispered Norma.

Annie stood still and had a think.

'Well, I just pick up the litter and place into Mr Sack,' she replied.

'That's not what I meant,' said Norma. '...as I suspect you know.'

Annie giggled.

'I suppose I just have a higher bounce factor,' she said, 'and wonky horns.'

'So you can party all night and still race around at a squillion miles an hour the next day because of wonky horns?'

'It's a theory,' replied Annie, 'I challenge the world to prove me wrong.'

'The world is onto a loser,' said Horace.

'Quite possibly,' added Norma.

'So,' asked Annie, 'do you have anything you wish to dispose of?'

'Just the inside of my head,' replied Norma.

Annie held the sack open.

'Tempting,' said Norma, 'so very, very tempting.'

'Well I can't wait forever,' said Annie.

'Best be on your way then,' replied Norma.

So Annie stampeded on.

'I'll let you have the glasses back in a day or two,' called out Norma after her.

A word from the semi wise

2011-04-30T06:44:00.003+01:00

Evening all,

Right, hope you can hear me above the noise. I have asked Annie to turn it down, it's well past 10pm. I don't know about you but while I don't mind a party I can't help thinking that everyone tends to go rather over the top.

So anyway, I just thought we could have a quick moment together after all the recent excitement. Of course it all turned out pretty much as I was expecting...apart from the whole Penguin of the Year business but I don't see how anyone could have predicted that! I suppose the others will have a new found respect for young Geraldine but I must say, on my own behalf, that it was already there. A major part of top captaincy is spotting both the strengths and weaknesses in your squad and always felt that Geraldine was being rather overlooked..what with her being so small. But things will be different from now on, I may even promote her above Bertha, who let's face it could do with coming down a peg or two.

Right I'm off to have another word with Annie.

Toodle pip pip

Captain Bill

DJ Annie

2011-04-28T20:21:00.005+01:00

'Oh! No! No!' mooed Annie. 'It sounds as if you were asking a larch, they're never good with directions, they don't get around much. For up to the minute navigational guidance you need to talk to an oak or a horse chestnut.'

Norma tried to take this in.

'Still you got here in the end,' added Annie.

'It seemed to take for ever though,' replied Norma, 'which I concede may have proved quite useful.'

'You do appear to be non squiffified,' remarked Annie.

'I probably only had one glass,' replied Norma, 'but it must have gone straight to my horns.'

'Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss,' said Annie, '......Anyway, the big question is, do you still have your dancing hooves with you?'

Very gingerly Norma waved each hoof in turn.

'Yippee!' said Annie. 'Now do you have a request?'

'Something slow and quiet,' replied Norma.

Annie shook her head.

'Something incredibly loud and raucous,' said Norma.

'Yippee again!' said Annie.

And the beat went on.

Joining the Party?

2011-04-27T17:58:00.005+01:00

'You'll have to speak up a bit,' said Cyril.

'I said I'm concerned,' mooed Horace.

'She'll turn up,' said Cyril.

'But it's not like her to miss a party,' replied Horace.

'True,' said Cyril, 'but Bertha's with her.'

'Hmm,' replied Horace, 'I just thought, if you could spare Annie?'

'Sorry old chum,' said Cyril, 'there are quite a few people who've come along just because they know that Annie's running the music. I just can't spare her.'

'Right,' replied Horace.

'I'll tell you what,' said Cyril, 'I'll have a word with her Queenship, she'll have a few flunkies hanging around doing nothing.'

'If you could,' replied Horace, 'just for a quick look around.'

'The thing is,' said Cyril, 'knowing Norma and Bertha, they'll just home in on the sound of the music anyway. If we open a couple of bottles of bubbles and waft them around they'll put in an appearance in no time.'

'Possibly,' said Horace.

'Right,' said Cyril, 'well that's that sorted. Now....if you're not doing anything else...any chance of serving a few drinks?'

Things that go drunk in the night

2011-04-26T16:42:00.004+01:00

'And so,' continued Norma, 'myself and my very good friend, Ms Bertha.'

'Hello!' said Bertha.

'We were wondering if you might be so kind as to direct us towards the Ms Geraldine, Penguin of the Year After Show Party.'

'If you don't mind me saying so,' said Bertha, 'that wasn't the most helpful of answers.'

'I didn't think it was an answer at all!' mooed Norma.

'You don't think,' said Bertha, 'you don't think it was because you were asking a tree?'

Norma shook her head and her hat fell off.

'Annie's always talking to trees,' she replied, 'and they always talk back to her.'

'We do...we do only have her word on that,' pointed out Bertha.

'Very true, 'said Norma.

'Perhaps,' suggested Bertha, '...perhaps we need to ask her to ask the tree?'

Norma thought about this.

'Annie!' she called out.

'Annie!' called Bertha.

'ANNIE!' screamed Norma.

'She's not here,' said Bertha.

'Most amiss of her,' replied Norma.

'I wonder where she is?' said Bertha.

'Maybe we should ask the tree?' suggested Norma.

'Good idea,' mooed Bertha.

And so it went on.

Time to relax

2011-04-25T17:16:00.004+01:00

'Honestly,' said Captain Bill, 'it's been a real eye opener.'

'I couldn't agree more,' replied Horace, 'and I'm pretty sure I can get several poems out of it.'

'Any limericks?' asked Captain Bill.

'Er?' said Horace.

'Well not to worry,' said Captain Bill, 'just try and get a few laughs into the poetry.'

'You know I'm sometimes not at all sure that you understand poetry,' replied Horace.

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'not sure anyone does really, but what I do understand is just how hard it is waiting on tables.'

'I think my hooves fell off about 2 hours ago,' replied Horace.

'They'll be in a pile somewhere with mine,' said Captain Bill, 'still it's all over now.'

'Err?' said Horace.

'Which means we should be able to look forward to a little peace and quiet.'

'Except,' said Horace.

'And there'll be no chance of Norma and Bertha consuming any more of the falling down water,' continued Captain Bill.

'I think you may have overlooked...' said Horace.

'What?' asked Captain Bill.

'The after show party,' replied Horace

And Captain Bill toppled over sideways.

Penguin of the Year

2011-04-24T19:31:00.004+01:00

'It's rather a small trophy,' mooed Annie.

'Mmm,' agreed Cyril.

'I like the iceberg though.'

'That was my idea,' replied Cyril.

'I suspect that from now on all trophies will have to have icebergs in them,' said Annie.

'I suspect they will,' said Cyril.

And at this point Geraldine waved at the gathering crowd and dived off of the iceberg and swam around in her trophy.

'Star material,' observed Cyril, 'she knows exactly what her fans want.'

'I don't suppose they'd be wanting me to dive in with her?' asked Annie.

'Maybe later,' said Cyril.

'Well if you're not going to,' interrupted Norman and he lowered Annie gently to the ground.

'Thanks,' said Annie.

'My pleasure,' replied Norman.

'Now,' said Cyril, 'I think there's only one way to properly celebrate Geraldine's triumph....more champagne anyone?'

And everyone said they would have a glass...except for Norman who said he'd have a trunk full...because sometimes there really isn't anything more to an elephant than just a trunk.

When Security arrive

2011-04-22T20:01:00.004+01:00

'Although of course there is much more to an elephant than just a trunk,' said Norman.

Annie nodded in agreement.

'But people just don't seem to see past it,' continued Norman.

Annie nodded again and gave Norman a hug.

'So whatcha been doing?' she asked.

'Er well,' replied Norman, 'you know, keeping busy, mostly washing windows, lifting heavy objects...it's been primarily trunk based employment.'

Annie gave Norman another hug.

'Bow tie looks good,' she said.

'Thanks,' replied Norman, 'tricky business the old security game. You want to try to blend in a bit with the clientele.'

'From a distance I'd have thought you were just another pengiming,' said Annie.

'That's good,' replied Norman, 'it sort of makes all the extra effort seem worthwhile.'

'So would there be any chance?' asked Annie.

'Of course,' replied Norman and he lifted Annie onto his back.

'Where to?' he enquired.

'Hmm,' replied Annie, 'I think I'd like to go and see Geraldine, only they're about to announce the Penguin of the Year.'

'Fine,' replied Norman, 'although I can't help feeling I was asked to come over this way for a reason.'

'Not to worry,' replied Annie, 'you'll remember.'

What's under the table?

2011-04-21T19:15:00.006+01:00

'That's 1st Time Author as well!' mooed Bertha.

'GO GERALDINE!' screamed Norma.

'Oooooooooooooooooooh!' said Bertha. 'She's seen us.'

'Wave for me,' said Norma.

So Bertha waved and Geraldine waved back.

'We know her,' said Norma to no-one in particular.

'She is a close personal friend,' added Bertha.

'Are there....are there any nibbles?' asked Norma.

'Hang on,' replied Bertha, 'I'll have a look.........Yes! On the table.'

'Most excellent,' mooed Norma. 'Now where is the table?'

'It's here,' replied Bertha and she banged her head on the table to indicate it's location.

'Oh goodie!' said Norma, 'and is there just a drop more wine?'

'Er?' replied Bertha, '....er.....no!'

'Bleh!' said Norma.

'I agree,' replied Bertha. 'Waiter......Waiter..........WAITER!'

'Right,' said Captain Bill, 'that's it! I'm calling security.'

At the Top Table

2011-04-20T17:33:00.005+01:00

'But One wanted the '05!' said Queen Phoebe.

'Well '07 isn't far out,' replied Captain Bill, '.....it's still got an 0 in it.'

'I'll drink it,' offered Cyril.

'You would!' replied Captain Bill.

'I say!' said Queen Phoebe, 'One would ask the staff to treat the guests with a little more respect. Lord Sir Cyril of Promotionshire is a valuable member of the awards community.'

'Is he?' replied Captain Bill.

'Indeed he is,' continued Queen Phoebe, 'and what is more if he's willing to cut One's hubby in on a slice of the film rights to Hippo Island, One would allow him to guzzle whatever takes his fancy.'

'Film rights!' mooed Captain Bill.

'He's even hinted that there might be a part for myself and his royal regalness,' said Queen Phoebe.

At this point Geraldine waved her wings around and chattered away for a while.

'Yes,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'I agree, but you'd still have to have an establishing shot of his crown.'

Captain Bill paused for a moment to take this in.

'So you speak penguin then?' he asked.

'Being royal isn't all thrones and sending people to dungeons,' replied Queen Phoebe, '...well actually most of it is, but being able to speak the odd language here and there helps a bit as well.'

'So do you want this or not?' asked Captain Bill and he held up the tray with the bottle on it.

''Hmm,' said Queen Phoebe, 'leave it here....and we'll have some more crisps when you're ready.'

What the public miss

2011-04-19T17:55:00.004+01:00

'I'm just asking you not to,' said Horace.

'Believe me,' replied Captain Bill, 'I don't want to be serving anybody at all.'

'Well, I'm not really bothered about the others,' said Horace, '....just Norma.'

'I'll try to avoid her,' replied Captain Bill, 'given how busy I am it shouldn't be difficult.'

'Thank you,' said Horace.

'And in return,' said Captain Bill, '3 bottles of house white and 4 glasses to table 17.'

'Sorry?' replied Horace.

'Won't take you 2 minutes,' said Captain Bill.

'But I'm a poet!' said Horace.

'Fine!' replied Captain Bill. 'you can recite something as you go if you want, doesn't bother me...probably won't bother them either....and there's a selection of nibbles to go to table 12...but no anchovies.'

'Anchovies?' mooed Horace.

'One of them has some sort of allergy,' replied Captain Bill, 'so just use a whitebait and krill mix with lots of sea salt.'

'But!' said Horace.

'Sorry,' replied Captain Bill, 'can't stop, got to go,' and he herded away at speed.

'Order for the top table,' he called out as he went.

How to behave in public

2011-04-18T16:25:00.004+01:00

'Oooooooooooh! Well done!' mooed Norma.

'That's Most Orange Feet and Best Penguin in a Non Penguin Environment,' said Bertha.

'Go Geraldine!' shouted Norma.

'Errrrr?' said Horace.

'What?' said Norma.

'People looking,' said Horace.

Norma turned and waved at a few penguins....who waved back.

'What's next?' asked Norma.

'Most Black and White Penguin,' replied Bertha.

'Go Geraldine!' shouted Norma.

'She not actually nominated for this one,' pointed out Bertha.

'Well she should be,' replied Norma.

'Pengimings!' mooed Annie.

'Oh! There's Cyril,' said Bertha.

'Where?' said Norma.

'Over there with Geraldine,' said Bertha.

'You have to say he looks good all dressed up,' said Norma. 'Go Cyril!'

'I agree,' replied Bertha. 'Go Cyril!'

'Pengimings!' mooed Annie.

'This bottle's empty,' said Norma.

'Waiter!' called out Bertha.

'Don't push it,' replied Captain Bill.

Waiter!

2011-04-18T12:38:00.003+01:00

'Psst!' said Norma.

'What?' said Captain Bill.

'I just thought you'd like to know,' said Norma, 'Bertha and I think you're doing a grand job.'

'Wonderful!' exclaimed Captain Bill, 'a real comfort!'

'I don't think there's any need for that tone,' mooed Bertha.

'And Geraldine's just won Most Orange Feet,' added Norma.

'Fine!' said Captain Bill.

'Look!' said Norma. 'I did try to warn you about this. I said you were making a rod for your own back.'

'Well I thought if I just served that first one,' replied Captain Bill.

'But now they're all convinced you're a waiter,' said Norma.

'Did you mention table 3?' asked Bertha.

'Oh no!' replied Norma, 'and table 3 need more nibbles.'

'Well they'll have to wait!' hissed Captain Bill.

'Bit rude!' replied Norma, 'by the way, Bertha and I were wondering....any tips?'

'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'try not to spill sardine juice down the front of your dinner jacket!'

At the awards

2011-04-15T06:43:00.003+01:00

'They're very good seats,' said Bertha.

'I think Geraldine got them for us,' replied Norma.

'Well now she's a published author!' mooed Horace.

'Don't start!' said Norma.

'Pengimings!' screamed Annie.

'Will you please stop doing that!' said Captain Bill.

'...........................................No,' replied Annie, '.............Pengimings!'

'Could we swap?' asked Captain Bill.

'I'm fine where I am,' replied Bertha.

'Norma?'

'I'm settled now,' replied Norma.

'Pengimings!' screamed Annie.

'We'll get thrown out,' said Captain Bill.

'I doubt it,' replied Norma.

'So where's Cyril?' asked Captain Bill.

'Perhaps there's a special publishers table,' suggested Horace.

'Please!' snapped Norma.

'Pengimings!' screamed Annie.

'Right, I'm leaving,' said Captain Bill.

But before he could move a penguin waddled up to him and squawked rather loudly.

'Er?' said Captain Bill.

'I think,' giggled Bertha, 'I think he wants to order a drink.'

'Pengimings!' screamed Annie.

(Back on Monday)

Dressed to impress

2011-04-13T17:25:00.004+01:00

'Feel silly,' said Captain Bill.

'But you look fine,' replied Norma.

'Do we....' asked Captain Bill.

'Yes,' replied Norma.

'But couldn't I...'

'No,' replied Norma.

'I'm fine with the hat,' said Captain Bill.

'It'll only be for a few hours,' replied Norma, 'and if it's any comfort you look extra captainy.'

'Really?' asked Captain Bill.

'Really,' said Norma, 'and everyone else will be dressed up as well, so it'll all be fine.'

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill.

'Trust me,' said Norma.

'And I do seem to be the centre of attention,' said Captain Bill and he indicated a growing number of penguins who were gathering around him.

'That's very true,' replied Norma and she watched as one of the penguins tapped Captain Bill and squawked at him.

'Odd!' said Captain Bill. 'Perhaps he wants an autograph?'

'Possibly,' replied Norma, as the penguin tapped Captain Bill for a second time.

'But although I hate to say it, I think there might be a more mundane explanation.

'What's that?' asked Captain Bill.

'Well,' replied Norma, 'and don't take this the wrong way...but I think they might be mistaking you for a waiter.'

Best foot forward

2011-04-12T17:16:00.004+01:00

'Afternoon,' mooed Bertha.

'Er!' said Cyril.

'I'm tempted to say caught red handed,' said Bertha, 'but perhaps orange footed would be more appropriate?'

'It's not what it seems,' said Cyril.

'Yes it is!' replied Bertha, 'it's exactly what it seems....that's why Norma asked me to keep an eye on you.'

'But they're all up to it,' said Cyril.

'Really?' said Bertha.

'Foot painting, beak varnishing....I saw one yesterday that had four wings!'

'Why do I doubt that?' said Bertha.

'No idea,' replied Cyril.

'I think,' continued Bertha, 'it might be connected with your basic inability to tell the truth about anything.'

'Harsh!' said Cyril.

'Well,' said Bertha, 'just so we understand each other, Geraldine's feet are already easily orange enough to win, and she's good enough to win the other prizes, including Penguin of the Year and if you don't stop this immediately...I'll jump on you...from a height.'

Cyril looked from Bertha to Geraldine to the paint and back to Bertha.

'Best get ready for the ceremony then,' he said.

'A very good idea indeed,' replied Bertha.

In the hat wardrobe

2011-04-11T17:22:00.004+01:00

'Look feel free to come in if you want to,' said Norma.

'Rather not,' replied Captain Bill.

'It's only a hat room,' said Norma.

'Still,' replied Captain Bill, 'it is a ladies hat room.'

'Well I may still need to ask you to hold the ladder,' said Norma, 'I think the one Bertha wants is on the top shelf.'

'Would have been nice if she'd made more of an effort herself,' said Captain Bill.

'She's already doing a favour for me,' replied Norma. 'So you can do one in turn for her.'

'But do we really need to be doing this at all?' asked Captain Bill.

'Oh, we must!' replied Norma. 'After all how often do we get asked to an awards ceremony? We've got to get dressed up....and it is for Geraldine as well.'

'I'll probably just go as I am,' said Captain Bill.

'No you won't!' mooed Norma. 'You of all people need to make an effort.'

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'maybe.....by the way...did you....did you invite them on board?'

And he nodded towards the penguins.

'Err, not really,' replied Norma, 'they just seemed to tag along.'

So Captain Bill helped Norma find the hats she needed and the penguins had fun looking around the Pickled Heifer.

Penguins in print

2011-04-10T17:58:00.004+01:00

'Anyway, I thought you had someone helping you?' said Norma.

'I had to let them go,' replied Horace, 'I couldn't afford the sardines, but please don't change the subject.'

'I'm not trying to change it,' replied Norma, 'and as I've said I had no more of an idea what was happening than anyone else did...other than Cyril....or Annie....or Geraldine.'

'So a penguin can get published but not me!' mooed Horace.

'I think that's a bit unfair,' replied Norma, 'I suppose Cyril just thought he could sell it. Geraldine's penguiness didn't have anything to do with it.'

'Well they should at least have talked to me about it,' said Horace, 'I could have written the forward to it...or a couple of poems for it....or something.'

That would have been nice,' replied Norma, 'but there's nothing we can do about it now...but perhaps you could ask them if you could contribute something to the sequel.'

'SEQUEL!' exclaimed Horace.

But Norma hurried on, she really did have a much more important matter to attend to.

Your vote matters

2011-04-09T07:18:00.004+01:00

Good morning / evening / just around nommage time (delete as required).

Are you a Pengiming?

If you're not sure go and have a quick look in a mirror. If you find you're staring at someone who is small, dressed entirely in black and white and have a half eaten sardine hanging out the side of your beak then there's a very high chance* that you are.

If so then I'd like to crave a few moments of your time. As you are no doubt aware the first annual Pengiming of the Year Awards are now taking place.....and your vote counts!

Now all pengimings are special and need to be hugged on a regular basis but I'd like to put in a word for one in particular....Geraldine....she's my chum. She's always helpful and often just wanders around with a plate full of cake just in case I feel like I need a slice...and I often do! Also she is veryyyyyyyyyyy cute and has the most orange feet (official). So I'm asking you to vote for her...NOW!

Thank you

Annie

* 97.3% on the Am I a Pengiming Scale

An extra award

2011-04-07T18:13:00.004+01:00

'And the other night, his little gorgeous regalness went for a bath and there were 15 of them down the shallow end alone!'

'Oh dear!' replied Horace.

'Indeed,' said Queen Phoebe, 'and One can't open a fridge without finding a dozen of them on each shelf.'

'It can't be easy,' sympathised Horace.

'Well it isn't,' continued Queen Phoebe.

'But I have to say,' said Horace, 'I'm not quite sure why all of that should be a barrier to my suggestion.'

'As I've explained,' said Queen Phoebe, 'there is a limit to what even his crownliness can do and bunging in extra categories willy nilly is a step too far.'

'Well then could you just let me read a few out?' They'd all be about Penguins and my assistant, Gilbert, with whom I have never worked before, would be onstage with me so there'd be a real penguin aspect to the whole thing.'

'Hmm,' said Queen Phoebe, 'I'll think about it...by the way, how much are you paying him?'

'Who?' asked Horace.

'Gilbert,' replied Queen Phoebe.

'I didn't know I was,' said Horace, 'he just sort of turned up and started helping to carry my papers.'

'Ah!' replied Queen Phoebe, 'that's how they always get you...clever things penguins.'

And with that Queen Phoebe walked off...leaving Horace somewhat bothered.

This way to the book signing

2011-04-06T18:11:00.004+01:00

'The thing about your top stars,' explained Cyril, 'you need to limit their public appearances...helps to create a bit of mystic about them.'

'Hmm,' said Norma, 'just so long as it's in her best interest.'

'Would I consider anything else?' asked Cyril.

Norma looked at Cyril.

'You know,' she said, 'a thought just occurred to me.'

'And?' asked Cyril.

'Geraldine did actually write this didn't she?'

'On that matter you may rest easy,' replied Cyril. 'She and Annie came to me with the first four chapters already written.'

'Annie as well!' mooed Norma.

'Well someone had to do the translation,' replied Cyril.

'But she never said anything to me,' said Norma.

'Annie can keep a secret if she needs to,' replied Cyril, 'she's far cleverer than anyone gives her credit for.'

'Well I know that,' agreed Norma, '...but still....'

'She's fine,' replied Cyril, 'and I keep an eye on her. Now if you don't mind I see we're approaching 1.30.'

'What's happening at 1.30?' asked Norma.

But Cyril just pointed towards Geraldine, who had just put down her pen. Then she got up onto the desk and did a very pretty dance before settling herself back down again.

'What was all that about?' asked Norma.

'If you want to win Most Orange Feet,' replied Cyril, 'it doesn't hurt to show them off while you've got the chance.'

A Gentleman of the Arts

2011-04-05T17:43:00.004+01:00

'He'll work it out eventually,' said Norma.

'I doubt it!' replied Cyril.

'But I spotted it in seconds,' said Norma.

'That doesn't mean he will,' replied Cyril.

'And Bertha was a bit peeved at first,' added Norma, 'so she'll have something to say.'

'Her type always does,' replied Cyril.

'Well I just think you might have been a little more subtle,' continued Norma. 'Surely you could have come up with a better name than Cuddly Bovine Publishing?'

'I don't see why I should have to hide away,' replied Cyril, 'I'm proud of my involvement in the arts.'

'And just what sort of contract did you get Geraldine to sign?'

'She'll be well catered for,' replied Cyril, 'actually in a quite literal sense, seeing as she wanted to be paid in fish.'

'Well I'll be keeping a close eye on your dealings with young Geraldine,' warned Norma, '...although now I come to think of it I've not seen her since we got here.'

'You should have a word with her manager,' replied Cyril, 'he'll know where she is.'

'And who's....'

But Norma realised that she didn't need to finish the sentence.

Being brought to book

2011-04-04T16:51:00.005+01:00

'It's quite sympathetically written really,' said Norma.

'I still think it would have been nice if Geraldine had asked first,' replied Bertha.

'I suppose so,' said Norma.

'Well I just don't see it,' mooed Captain Bill, 'you're honestly saying this is based on us?'

'Of course it is!' replied Bertha.

'But I don't see how it can be,' said Captain Bill, 'I mean take this Captain Bert, the man's a complete buffoon!'

'Errrr?' said Norma.

'Look here,' continued Captain Bill, 'on page 47, he manages to sink his ship before he even gets aboard it!'

'Oh, don't give the plot away,' mooed Bertha, 'I haven't got that far yet!'

'Actually I'd forgotten that had happened,' added Norma.

'And he doesn't know his Port from his Starboliarboliboard,' added Captain Bill.

'Well I have to say I'm rather enjoying it,' said Norma. 'It's nice to think our lives might be entertaining somebody.'

'Hmm, you're just a soft touch,' replied Captain Bill, 'and I doubt it'll sell well. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this ruined the publisher....whoever they might be.'

Varieties of Penguin

2011-04-03T17:58:00.004+01:00

'And that one is a pengiming and that one is a pengiming and that one is a pengiming and you see that one over there?'

'Yes,' said Cyril.

'It's a pengiming!' mooed Annie and she smiled a very large smile.

'You seem to know a lot about them,' said Cyril.

Annie nodded.

'I like pengimings,' she said.

'And what about that one?' asked Cyril and he pointed at a penguin that was wearing a crown.

'That's a king pengiming,' replied Annie, 'and you see that one?'

And here Annie pointed out a particularly fat penguin.

'Yes,' said Cyril.

'That's a Cyril pengiming,' said Annie and she giggled until she fell over.

'I could take offence at that!' said Cyril.

'Would you take it with cream or custard?' asked Annie.

Cyril thought for a while.

'Both,' he said at last.

'I thought you might,' replied Annie. 'Now if you don't mind I would like to go and look at some pengimings.'

So that is just what Annie and Cyril did.

Penguin Publishing

2011-04-01T17:44:00.004+01:00

'Errrm?' said Norma.

'Wellllllll?' said Bertha.

'Extraordinary!!!' said Captain Bill.

Norma herded a little closer so she could read the back cover.

'The hilarious misadventures of six comic hippos,' she quoted, 'you'll laugh until you feel like eating a few sardines.'

'Hmm,' said Bertha.

'And.....and Geraldine's actually written this?' queried Captain Bill.

'It would appear so,' replied Norma.

'Incredible!!' said Captain Bill.

'500 pages of hilarious mishaps and silliness complete with illustrations,' continued Norma, as she read more of the publicity.

'I rather think I'd like to have a word with young Geraldine,' mooed Bertha.

'You're not the only one,' added Norma.

'I just find it difficult to believe,' said Captain Bill, 'I mean...she doesn't know any hippos!'

Just when you think you know your penguin

2011-03-31T17:46:00.004+01:00

'Penguin of the Year!' mooed Captain Bill.

'She's actually nominated for 4 awards,' replied Norma, 'but Penguin of the Year is the big one.'

'What others is she up for?' asked Bertha.

'Best Penguin in a Non Penguin Environment, Most Orange Feet and First Time Author,' replied Norma.

'Well, well done Geraldine,' said Bertha.

'And she does have very orange feet,' added Norma.

'I can't say I've ever really looked,' said Captain Bill.

'Men don't tend to notice those sorts of things,' replied Norma.

'We do!' exclaimed Captain Bill, 'and you've got a new hat...so there, noticed that!'

Norma and Bertha exchanged glances.

'And anyway,' continued Captain Bill, 'I think there's an even more interesting point that you seem to have missed.'

'Which is?' asked Bertha.

'If Geraldine is nominated as best First Time Author...what's she been writing about?'

And Norma and Bertha had to agree that that was a very good question indeed.

Surprising news on Penguins

2011-03-30T17:55:00.006+01:00

'No, it was very good,' said Norma, 'I was just a bit busy at the time...and I'm sure Geraldine liked it.'

'You don't think it was too lighthearted?' asked Horace.

'Not at all,' replied Norma, 'I think you should do more things like that.'

'Hmmm,' said Horace, 'we'll see.'

And for a while Norma and Horace walked on in silence until, some minutes later, they arrived at a large notice board.

'This is it!' said Norma. 'There are lots of different categories, Best Dressed Penguin, Prettiest Beak, Penguin Most Likely To Succeed In A Hostage Negotiation Scenario...surprising number of nominations for that one!'

'Any mention of poetry written for a penguin?' asked Horace.

'Not that I can see,' replied Norma. 'Right....well....hmmm, actually I think we aught to be getting back to the others.'

'So soon?' said Horace.

'Well I wasn't planning to,' replied Norma, 'but I've just seen something that I think everyone needs to know about.'

And without waiting for Horace, Norma stampeded off down the hill.

Stepping confidently ashore

2011-03-29T19:09:00.006+01:00

'Yes,' said Captain Bill, 'well I take no great satisfaction from being proved right.'

'But you weren't,' replied Norma.

'Well we won't argue about it,' said Captain Bill.

'There's nothing to argue about,' replied Norma, 'you said Geraldine had got hopelessly lost and we were clearly at the wrong island.'

'That's not my recollection,' said Captain Bill.

'Anyway,' continued Norma, 'we are at the right island and Queen Phoebe sends hugs.'

'And the harbour business?' asked Captain Bill.

'She's too busy to worry about it.' replied Norma.

'Fine,' said Captain Bill, 'then I think I'll come ashore.'

'That would be good,' replied Norma.

So Captain Bill came ashore and he and Norma herded inland.

'And you did tell her it wasn't me steering,' asked Captain Bill, 'when we hit the wall...you did tell her that?'

'But it was!' mooed Norma, 'you insisted on it!'

'No!' replied Captain Bill. 'No, no, no....I was in my cabin at the time....in a cupboard.'

And Norma sighed.

Royalty and Penguins

2011-03-28T17:01:00.004+01:00

'And so when I say hit,' said Norma, 'I really mean more of a glancing blow, there was hardly any damage at all.'

'Well,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'right now I've got more to worry about than a harbour wall.'

'Should we presume that has something to do with the web footed folk?' asked Bertha.

'It does,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'in fact now would be a good time to formally welcome you to what is our very first Penguin of the Year Awards.'

'But it's only March!' mooed Bertha.

'Well spotted,' replied Queen Phoebe. 'The thing is his regalness, my hubbie, he's wonderful he really is, well he had this idea for making an extra wodge of folding, seeing as how the bottom's gone right out of the luxury castle hire market, and so we thought we'd shove our little royal elbows into the awards hosting arena.'

'Oh, that's a nice idea,' said Norma.

'That's what I said,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'only it turns out you can't just send out the invites and rest on your posterials. One has to fill in all sorts of application forms and by the time we'd waded through them all the only things left was this or Haddock of the Month and seeing as with the latter we'd just played host to January's winner with a crispy batter overcoat and a bag of chips we thought we'd pass on it.'

'Wise move,' agreed Bertha.

'Well you imagine what the press would have made of it,' said Queen Phoebe, 'so we opted for the penguin fest.'

'Which explains why Geraldine was so keen to get here,' said Norma.

'I took the liberty of sending her an invitation,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'and a good thing to as it turned out.'

There in black and white

2011-03-27T07:54:00.004+01:00

'PENGIMINGS!' mooed Annie.

'And lots of them,' replied Norma.

'They do seem to be everywhere,' added Bertha. 'Actually I'd go so far as to say the island is covered in them.'

'Which rather raises the question of why?' said Norma.

'Indeed,' replied Bertha.

'Hmm,' said Norma, 'I do believe I've just spotted the one lady who may be able to tell us.'

And Norma pointed towards a figure in the distance and then took off her hat and waved it in the air.

'She's seen us,' said Bertha.

'Perhaps it would be advisable for us to move towards her,' suggested Norma.

And so, taking a very bouncy Annie with them, Norma and Bertha made their way through a quite terrific abundance of penguins who all very kindly moved out of the way and then shuffled back into place after they had passed.

'Thank you,' said Norma, 'thank you, thank you....thank you....thank you.'

Finally after some minutes the last few penguins stood aside and a personage stood in front of them.

'Coooeeeeeeee!' said Queen Phoebe.

Have you arrived?

2011-03-25T17:25:00.004Z

'Land ahoy!' called out Bertha.

'Where?' shouted Norma.

'Off the port bow,' mooed Bertha.

Captain Bill swivelled around in his chair and looked out across the sea.

'No, the port bow,' said Norma.

Captain Bill swivelled around in his chair and looked out across the sea.

'I do wish you wouldn't keep changing it,' he said, 'that's the 4th time this voyage!'

'Sorry,' replied Norma.

So everyone looked off the port side towards the large island that had come into view.

'So is that it?' asked Norma.

Geraldine did a very happy dance, flapped her wings and hugged Annie.

'That's it!' said Annie.

'Looks nice,' said Norma.

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'not bad........of course we would have got here a lot sooner if we'd just sailed straight to it.'

At this point Geraldine hopped up onto Captain Bill's back and then onto his hat...and jumped up and down for a while.

'Even I understood that,' said Norma.

'Perhaps you're starting to get the hang of Pengiming?' suggested Annie.

'I do believe I might be,' replied Norma.

'Well I thought she navigated very well,' said Bertha, who had decided she no longer needed to be on lookout at the top of the mast.

'I don't remember giving you permission to come down,' said Captain Bill.

'Don't need it,' replied Bertha, 'and besides, when you finally realise where we are, you'll understand why I don't need to be on duty.'

In Celebration of Penguins

2011-03-24T17:26:00.004Z

Dear Geraldine

A Penguin went a wandering
Oh, it was a pretty sight
She took a balloon
And sang a tune
Then hummed it through the night
She sang it to the moon and sea
And they were much impressed
She sang it to a crab or three
As they were getting dressed
She tapped it out each foot in turn
Till it became a dance
Performed it for some passing birds
Which left their lives enhanced
She whistled it as I recall
While sliding on her belly
A stunt made easier because
She was so full of jelly
This story's true I swear to you
The facts are clearly right
And Geraldine is proof because
She's here in black and white

Thank you

Horace

The old directions are the best

2011-03-23T17:26:00.004Z

'I see we're going Not North again,' said Norma.

'Are we?' said Captain Bill.

'Mmm,' said Norma.

'Well hardly surprising,' said Captain Bill, 'it's a very popular direction.'

'So,' asked Norma, 'any ideas why?'

'Errr?' said Captain Bill, 'Geraldine changed her mind?'

'No,' replied Norma, 'Annie doesn't seem to think so.'

'But she could be wrong. As she said herself, tricky thing to understand the old penguin talk.'

'Possibly,' replied Norma, 'but my money's on an alternative explanation.'

'I know what you're thinking,' said Captain Bill.

'Really?' said Norma.

'Oh yes!' replied Captain Bill. 'You're thinking that the Pickled Heifer must have instinctively turned itself towards Not North.'

'And that's the best you can manage is it?' asked Norma.

'That's a rather sarcastic tone,' said Captain Bill, 'it does seem to be creeping into your speech of late. I believe I remarked upon it only a couple of weeks ago.'

Rather than answer him Norma just gave Captain Bill's chair a gentle push.

But it didn't move.

'Ha!' mooed Captain Bill. 'You'll note the wooden wedges? I don't think you'll find yourself shoving me around again!'

So Norma went around to the other side of the chair and gave another gentle push and then watched as Captain Bill glided across the deck, hit a bucket and slowly toppled over.....where rather mysteriously....he was hit by a book!

News from above

2011-03-22T17:24:00.005Z

Morning all!

Now do try to sit up straight while you're reading this.

Are you well? I do hope so, if not take some exercise and remember to eat sensibly.

I've not much to report, we seem to be sailing along quite well at the moment, possibly because Geraldine is making most of the navigational decisions. As a result I'm managing to get some reading done. This is welcome for two reasons, firstly it's a fine book and secondly because when I'm finished with it I'll have something to throw at 'ma brave Capitaine'....well it makes a change from telling him that we're being chased by pirates.

Right, just time for another couple of chapters before 5th breakfast.

Enjoy your day and try to achieve something.

Bertha

Other directions are available

2011-03-21T17:28:00.005Z

'And so,' continued Captain Bill, 'by attaching the seaweed to the knitted compass I've created a sort of ultra modern, high tec, navigational multi tool!'

Lovely,' said Norma.

'It's genius,' replied Captain Bill, 'I simply don't see how it could be improved upon.'

'Not unless you draped it over the telescope,' suggested Norma.

'What?'

'Well if you hung it over your telescope it would be even more multipuly.'

'...................So anyway,' mooed Captain Bill, 'what did you want?'

'Geraldine would like us to turn to port,' said Norma.

Captain Bill swivelled around and stared out across the side of the ship.

'No, port,' said Norma.

Captain Bill swivelled around and stared out across the other side of the ship.

'Hmm,' he said.

'So it'll mean we won't be going Not North for a while,' added Norma.

'Hmmmmm,' said Captain Bill, 'not sure about that. The rules are pretty clear and don't forget there's the question of my authority. It wouldn't look good to have the crew questioning that. Once my authority starts to slide then the whole dignity of the position that I occupy would be diminished and respect and dignity are vital when you're on the high seas.'

Norma gave his chair a gentle push and Captain Bill rolled slowly over the deck, hit a coil of rope and toppled over.

'Thank you!' called out Captain Bill.

'Anytime,' replied Norma.

How to give directions

2011-03-20T17:09:00.004Z

Geraldine waved her flag in the air, pointed at a picture of a strawberry trifle and turned around twice.

Norma looked from Geraldine to Annie.

Annie thought hard.

'I think she wants us to go left,' she said.

'Shouldn't be a problem,' replied Norma, '......hopefully.'

Then Geraldine put down her flag and did a short dance.

Norma looked at Annie again.

Annie thought hard....again.

'I think she wants us to have a dance.'

So Norma, Annie and Geraldine had a dance.

'I enjoyed that,' said Norma.

Annie nodded in agreement.

'Anyone for a triple decked sandwich?' called out Cyril.

And everybody was.

'Right,' said Norma, as she nibbled a last corner of crust, 'I'd better go and break the news to his Captaininess.'

So Norma herded off and Annie and Geraldine had another dance.

From Norma

2011-03-18T16:50:00.004Z

Hello all,

Well we're underway!

Actually that's about it so far because by underway I mean we've cast off, hit the harbour wall 3 times and then weighed anchor so we can make a few repairs.

On the positive side we're still afloat and Bertha's forgotten to take any heavy objects up into the cows nest, so she's not got much to throw down at Captain Bill. Apart from that Annie is hoping to get clearer instructions from Geraldine, I'm hoping to get clearer instructions from Annie, Horace has had an idea for a poem and Cyril has eaten almost everything in sight...including a couple of saucepans.

So it's shaping up to be one of our more successful voyages.

Now do have a fun weekend. Remember to make time for others, make time for yourself and buy a big bar of chocolate because you deserve it.

Hugs

Norma

Do not travel without one

2011-03-17T17:25:00.006Z

'So it's sort of a very late Christmas present,' said Norma.

'It's wonderful!' replied Captain Bill.

'Well I didn't think we could ask you to go sailing in the Pickled Heifer without a new knitted compass.'

'It's a vital piece of every Captains kit,' replied Captain Bill.

'And I've put on 3 Not Norths,' said Norma, 'and I've left off all the other directions.'

'Never really needed them,' said Captain Bill.

'But I do agree with Bertha that as we're doing this for Geraldine it should be up to her to decide which way we're going.'

'Fine,' said Captain Bill, 'although we could start off by going a bit Not North just to help her get her bearings.'

'Unless she already has her bearings,' said Norma.

'Only be for a day or two,' replied Captain Bill, 'a week at the most...probably have got there by then anyway.'

And Norma sighed.

Where do we go from here?

2011-03-16T18:05:00.006Z

'So do you have any better idea where we're going to?' asked Norma.

Annie nodded her head.

And then shook it.

And then waved it around in a big circle.

'So that's a 'not sure' then?' said Norma.

'Pengiming isn't an easy language to understand,' mooed Annie.

'I guess not,' replied Norma.

'Mostly it's about fish,' said Annie.

'Ah!' said Norma.

'I saw a fish yesterday,' added Annie.

'Good,' replied Norma, 'but let's try and stay on topic.'

'Okay dokey,' continued Annie. 'The good thing is I think she does have a definite destination in mind...Geraldine that is, not the fish, I have no idea where the fish was going.'

'Probably none of our business,' suggested Norma.

'Perhaps, 'agreed Annie, 'but I shall remain mildly curious. Now would it be alright if I counted my legs before we get underway? Only I think it might be a wise idea.'

'I think maybe you should,' said Norma.

So Annie counted her legs and Norma helped her...and they were all there, which proved a considerable relief to all concerned.

Moving in a clear direction

2011-03-15T17:25:00.004Z

'But you can't just decide like that!' mooed Bertha.

'I'm Captain,' said Captain Bill.

'Errrrr?' said Horace.

'It's going to depend on Geraldine,' continued Bertha.

'I don't see why,' replied Captain Bill.

'Errrrr?' said Horace.

'Well what happens if she doesn't want to go Not North?' asked Bertha.

'We'd still get there,' replied Captain Bill confidently.

'But you don't know where 'there' is!' exclaimed Bertha.

'Well it'll be somewhere in a Not Northerly direction,' said Captain Bill.

'Errrrr?' said Horace.

'Oh, stop saying that!' said Bertha.

'OK!' replied Horace.

'Anyway,' continued Captain Bill, 'we need to get going. I'd like to get underway while the weather's forecast to stay fine.'

'Is it?' asked Bertha.

'Well the seaweed's dry,' said Captain Bill, 'and what better indication could you ask for than that?'

At which point Bertha gave up.

A poem interrupted

2011-03-14T16:59:00.004Z

'I was halfway through a poem,' mooed Horace.

'Sorry,' replied Norma, 'you can always finish it off later on.'

'Writing poetry doesn't work like that,' said Horace.

'Well.......whatever,' said Norma, 'and you'll have plenty of time to write once we're at sea.'

'So do we have any idea where she wants to go?' asked Horace.

'Not a clue,' replied Norma, 'Annie thinks she'll be giving us directions as we go along.'

'Perhaps she has to migrate?' suggested Horace.

'That's certainly a possibility,' replied Norma.

'I may write a poem about her,' said Horace.

'I'm sure she'd like that,' replied Norma, 'well not sure exactly, actually now I come to think of it I don't think I've ever known what Geraldine likes or dislikes...she just seems to be there.'

'It would be interesting to find out,' said Horace.

'Yes it would,' replied Norma, 'but it'll have to wait, because right now I need you to do a job for me that's of the most critical importance.'

'Does it involve poetry?' asked Horace.

'To be honest,' replied Norma, '....no.....but it is vital.'

'So what is it?' asked Horace.

'I need you to stand in between Bertha and Captain Bill so they don't hit each other,' replied Norma.

Just where do penguins go?

2011-03-14T13:20:00.004Z

'So?' said Captain Bill.

'She's got a little suitcase with her,' said Norma.

'Indeed!' replied Captain Bill. 'But the holiday I've booked isn't until later in the year.'

'Annie has feeling it's not connected with that,' said Norma.

'Right,' said Captain Bill.

'Annie thinks Geraldine wants to go somewhere.'

'A reasonable assumption,' said Captain Bill, 'given the suitcase.'

'And she's waiting for us to take her there.'

'Us?' mooed Captain Bill.

'That's what Annie thinks,' said Norma.

'Hmm,' replied Captain Bill, 'difficult territory...the inside of Annie's head.'

'She does talk penguin quite well,' said Norma, 'or rather she seems to understand it...and we haven't been for a sail in the Pickled Heifer for ages now.'

'True,' agreed Captain Bill, 'so it would seem we've moved into the penguin shipping business.'

'I'll round up the others,' said Norma.

And so she went to do just that.

Love is in the air

2011-03-10T18:24:00.004Z

'So you sent it then?' said Norma.

'Mmm,' said Captain Bill, 'sort of.'

'Is there a problem then?'

'A piece of string's already fallen off,' replied Captain Bill, 'and I forgot to put a note in.....I'm not sure she'll know it's from me.'

'But it's a badly wrapped parcel full of rope maintenance pamphlets,' said Norma, 'I think she'll work it out.'

'Possibly,' agreed Captain Bill, 'although I'm still not convinced I should have sent anything at all.'

'Well there's no point in worrying about it now,' said Norma, 'so you'll be pleased to hear that I've brought you something that might be worth a worry.'

'Wonderful!' said Captain Bill, 'I was wondering how I was going to fill my time. So what is it?'

'Possibly best to come and have a look,' replied Norma.

So that's what they did....they went and had a look.

(Back on Monday)

When the sea was cold

2011-03-09T17:07:00.004Z

'Brrrrr,' mooed Norma, 'I'm not going to stay in here very long, I've completely lost contact with my hooves.'

'Is that them over there?' asked Annie and she pointed with her tail at something in the distance.

'I don't think so,' replied Norma, 'but I'm not sure I'd know if they were. The water's far too cold to be aware of very much at all.'

'That would explain why the shrimps are still wearing hats and coats,' said Annie.

'I suppose it would,' replied Norma.

'You would have thought they'd have got a few fires installed by now,' said Annie.

'Might be a bit difficult,' replied Norma, 'what with them being underwater.'

'I think I'd quite like to live underwater,' said Annie, 'then you could have a drink whenever you wanted to.'

'It would be an advantage,' replied Norma.

'Perhaps I should talk to Geraldine about it?' said Annie.

'Perhaps you should,' agreed Norma, 'and talking of Geraldine, here she comes now...but what is it that she's got with her?'

Sofa so good

2011-03-08T16:52:00.005Z

You love him!

You adore him!

You'd invite him around for afternoon tea!*

Iiiiiiiitttt'sssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

Morning chumletttes,

You catch me resting. Not surprising really, when you live life at my pace frequent rests are required. I once rested for an entire year just in case something exciting was about to happen.

By the way, should you see Bertha, you last caught sight of me heading up a mountain. In actual fact, as you can see, I've opted for somewhere with a higher snoozability rating. My only problem is the tulips are too far away...so if you could just nip around and shove me along a bit, would be appreciated.

Otherwise, life goes on, I'll try to respond to all the fan mail but I can't tackle more than a couple of hundred a day.

Take care,

Snogs,

Cyril

* Minimum Afternoon Tea requirements are as follows

4 pots, strong tea.
3 cake stands (to include 2 Victoria Sponge Sandwiches, 1 Pavlova, 25 smaller cakes
3 plates cucumber sandwiches
General selection of trifles.

A parcel of love

2011-03-07T17:39:00.007Z

'No,' said Captain Bill, 'I've not seen him.'

'Humpf!' mooed Bertha. 'When I catch him!'

'He's probably laying low,' replied Captain Bill, 'well as low as he can get...which would still make him unhealthily large.'

'The book's completely ruined,' added Bertha.

'Surprised he left any of it,' replied Captain Bill, 'still that's the sort of thing that happens when you get someone who's insensitive to the feelings of others. Now what do you think of that?'

And he held up something.

'What is it?' asked Bertha.

'It's a parcel,' replied Captain Bill, 'I'm sending it to Camille, I wrapped it myself.'

'Well full marks for taking responsibility,' replied Bertha.

'Only she sent me a sort of card thing,' said Captain Bill, 'for Valentine's day.'

'Right,' said Bertha, 'and you're trying to discourage her from sending anything else?'

'Errr?' said Captain Bill.

In which Annie does serious

2011-03-06T18:55:00.004Z

'You really shouldn't have,' said Norma.

Annie looked at her.

'Books are important things,' said Norma.

Annie looked at her.

'And you wouldn't want to set a bad example to your little students would you?' said Norma.

Annie poked her tongue out at Norma.

'You're impossible sometimes!' said Norma.

Annie thought about this for a while and then nodded her head.

'Life would be boring if we were all the same,' she said, 'and the trifle was very tasty.'

'But it was only a picture!' mooed Norma.

'You have to use your imagination sometimes,' replied Annie, '...or possibly all the time.'

'That's fine,' said Norma, 'but there is a thing called reality.'

Annie looked at her.

'So did you want to go for a paddle then?' asked Norma.

'Yippee!' shouted Annie and she stampeded off towards the beach.

An all consuming read

2011-03-04T16:52:00.004Z

'Miss Bertha's quite quick on her hooves isn't she?' said Annie.

'Always kept herself very trim,' replied Cyril.

'You would have thought she'd be happy to have people borrowing books from her library.'

'I can't understand her behaviour at all!' replied Cyril.

'So how long have you taken it out for?' asked Annie.

'Erm,' replied Cyril, 'to be honest I'm not sure, it depends in part on whether she catches us up.'

'She does seem to be gaining on us,' mooed Annie.

'Really?' said Cyril. 'In that case I'd suggest having a nibble as we go.....would you prefer a picture of a trifle or a recipe for a chocolate cake?'

'Trifle please,' replied Annie.

So Cyril tore a page from the book and Annie ate it.

Romance at a distance

2011-03-03T16:50:00.005Z

'Hmm, well,' said Captain Bill, 'I suppose I could have been a little more careful in opening it.'

'It's still a nice card though,' replied Norma.

'Well....yes,' said Captain Bill, '......right better get on.'

'You could always send something in return,' suggested Norma.

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill.

'It's not too late...I'd help you.'

'...........I'll think about it,' said Captain Bill.

'Best not to think for too long,' added Norma.

'I've got some spare copies of a pamphlet on rope maintenance.'

'Perhaps you could include a couple of free samples of used string,' said Norma. 'After all you wouldn't want to appear overly formal.'

'Good thinking,' said Captain Bill.

And he herded off towards the rope museum and Norma stood shaking her head for a while.

Mr Sir Cyril goes to the Library

2011-03-02T17:12:00.005Z

'You're banned!' said Bertha.

Cyril looked hurt.

'I'm hurt,' he said.

'Take one step around this side of the desk and you will be,' warned Bertha.

'We're here for my benefit,' said Annie, 'Mr Sir Cyril of Nommingshire is merely present as a friend.'

'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'so what are you looking for?'

'I'm in search of works which will help to provide me with a greater understanding of the requirements of a person who is contemplating embarking on a career within the teaching establishment with particular reference to cultivating an all round holistic approach,' said Annie.

'I'm not sure I've got anything that specific,' replied Bertha.

'Then I'll have a green one about elves,' mooed Annie and she did a little dance.

'I'll have a look,' replied Bertha.

Cyril nudged Annie.

'Also,' said Annie, 'I, me, on my own, was wondering if you had any books about food?'

Cyril nudged Annie for a second time.

'With pictures,' added Annie.

'Forget it!' replied Bertha.

An Eye for an I

2011-03-01T17:33:00.004Z

'Just there!' mooed Captain Bill. 'What's that? Is it a word?'

'Well I can't see with you in the way,' replied Norma.

'It is!' said Captain Bill. 'Now what is it?'

'Why don't you just take the card out?' asked Norma. 'Then you can read what it says.'

'I think it starts with an I,' said Captain Bill, 'and it's quite long.'

'Imbecile?'

'Pardon!'

'Well it's a long word beginning with I,' replied Norma.

'You're suggesting it's a Valentine with the word imbecile on the front of it?'

'Only trying to help,' said Norma.

'Anyway it's not that long.'

'Idiot?'

'What!'

'It's a shorter word beginning with I,' said Norma.

'Thank you!' said Captain Bill. 'Very helpful, very helpful indeed.'

How to enjoy Tulips

2011-02-28T18:20:00.004Z

'And if you tie books to your horns overnight the words fall into your head.'

'Really?' asked Cyril.

'Really,' replied Annie, 'but you have to get up very slowly in the morning otherwise the words get all jumblified.'

'Well that's fine with me,' said Cyril, 'I've never been in favour of rushing to get up.'

'I wouldn't be surprised if you could become a professor by the end of the year,' added Annie.

'I think I might be already,' replied Cyril, 'I forget which certificates I've printed off.'

'Ooooooh!' mooed Annie. 'Look! Tulips!'

'Very nice,' said Cyril, 'it makes you feel as if winter really is coming to an end and that brighter, warmer, longer days are just around the corner...let's eat them.'

'Yippee!' said Annie.

What's in a letter?

2011-02-27T16:33:00.004Z

'Oh! Well done!' mooed Norma. 'You've got the top open.'

Captain Bill looked at Norma.

'I'm managing perfectly well on my own, thank you very much.'

'So I can see,' replied Norma, 'I mean, just a week to get an envelope open!'

'Sarcasm does not become you,' said Captain Bill. 'Anyway I'm sure you've got something better to do?'

'Not really,' said Norma.

'Walking with Horace?' suggested Captain Bill.

'He wants to wait until the weather is a bit more miserable,' replied Norma, '...it's a poet thing.'

'Annie then?'

'I was going to go to the library with her but Cyril's volunteered to do that.'

'Library,' asked Captain Bill.

'She wants to see if Bertha's got any books that might help with her teacher training,' replied Norma.

'She's still pursuing that then?'

'It would seem so,' replied Norma. 'So are you going to look inside? You'll need to get it off the stick first.'

'Thank you!' mooed Captain Bill, 'I was wondering how I was going to manage it....what with never having opened a letter before!'

Everyone's a winner

2011-02-25T17:51:00.004Z

'Right,' said Flossie, 'Dave?'

'Passed,' replied Lefty.

'Thought he would,' said Flossie.

'Never really in doubt,' replied Lefty, 'and his hat stayed on.'

'Top pirate!' said Flossie. 'Now.....I notice there's a tick against Harriet's name?'

'Knew you'd spot that,' replied Lefty, 'strictly speaking we have to pass her as we failed to supply all the required safety equipment.'

'It used to be so much easier,' bleated Flossie.

'And....if it's OK with you,' said Lefty, 'I've passed Mum as well.'

'Hmm,' replied Flossie.

Ticks the demographics box,' pointed out Lefty, 'doing our bit for the older pirates...and we'll get a grant to put a ramp in on the ship.'

Winning all around!' said Flossie. 'Is that all then?'

'That's us done,' replied Lefty. 'Only a week this time.'

'Fine!' said Flossie. 'Fancy just randomly standing around for a while?'

'Gets my vote,' replied Lefty.

Should Pirates ever retire?

2011-02-24T17:01:00.005Z

'No....no it's just not working!' bleated Flossie.

'She did get a bit further that time,' replied Lefty.

'Indeed,' agreed Flossie, 'but still, got to be realistic.'

'She'd be keen to have one more go,' suggested Lefty.

'Her decision,' replied Flossie, 'wouldn't want to deny her the opportunity....but still.'

'The thing is,' said Lefty, 'she's a little sensitive...about the whole age thing.'

'Understandable,' replied Flossie, 'we're none of us getting any younger.'

'I did wonder, if we could attach the frame to the rope, if it would give her more to hang onto?'

'Hmm,' said Flossie, 'nice idea, see where you're coming from, not sure I'd want to risk it.'

'OK!' replied Lefty, 'could you, could you lend a hoof to dig her out?'

'Be a privilege,' said Flossie.

Safety first

2011-02-23T17:30:00.005Z

Flossie looked at Lefty.

'Can't be helped,' said Lefty.

'It's just.....not very piratey,' replied Flossie.

Lefty shrugged his shoulders.

OK!' said Flossie.

'In your own time,' bleated Lefty.

'Shouldn't there be some sort of safety harness?' asked Harriet.

'Actually, there probably should be,' said Lefty.

'Oh!' said Harriet.

'Well,' began Flossie, 'the point is, and go with me on this, what you have to imagine is, we're at sea engaged in mortal combat with an enemy ship.'

'Cannon firing,' suggested Lefty.

'Cannon firing,' agreed Flossie.

'Somebody running with a pointy sword,' suggested Lefty.

'Could easily happen,' conceded Flossie, 'blood's up, heat of the moment and all, and then I give the order, 'Board the enemy ship!'. Now what you have to ask yourself is, could we expect them to hang on for half an hour while we rig you up a safety harness?'

'Moment's lost,' added Lefty.

'My point exactly!' said Flossie.

'Hmm, 'said Harriet, 'I'd rather not not then....if that's OK?'

'Fine!' replied Flossie. 'Who's next?'

'Mum,' said Lefty.

In house training

2011-02-22T16:22:00.004Z

'He's looking good!' bleated Lefty.

'Can't fault him,' replied Flossie, 'either you've got it or you haven't...and he has.'

'If you ask me he's even more slightly threatening than he used to be.'

'Growing into the role,' replied Flossie, 'I've seen it before, sign of a good pirate that.'

'And of course the extra height helps,' added Lefty.

'True,' replied Flossie. 'Now, everything ready?'

'Think so,' said Lefty, 'rope's been tested, space in clear, just a wee bit concerned about the hat.'

'Hat?' asked Flossie.

'Just thought, if it blows off, would we lose the threat element?'

'Good point!' bleated Flossie.

'I mean seeing that we've taken him on because of that aspect...be a shame to lose it.'

'Length of string?' suggested Flossie.

'Top idea!' replied Lefty.

'That's why I'm here,' replied Flossie.

So a length of string was found, the hat was secured, and Dave had a couple of practise swings....which went quite well.

Training Pirate Sheep

2011-02-21T17:31:00.004Z

'Strange?' bleated Lefty. 'It was working.'

'MUM!' shouted Flossie.

'MUM!' shouted Lefty, 'Mum!....I only put them in yesterday.'

'Where did you?...'

'From a magazine,' replied Lefty, 'Mum!.....Maybe just press on.'

'If you're sure?' asked Flossie.

'I'll explain to her later, it's more of a refresher course for her anyway.'

'No probs,' said Flossie. 'So ...er....well I'd like to welcome you all, thanks for turning up, new pirates are highly valued members of staff and it's for that reason that we put you through our intensive training programme so that by the end of the course you will have acquired a high skill value that is 2nd to none within the pirate community.'

'Will there be a certificate?' asked Harriet.

'Er?' said Flossie.

Lefty shook his head.

'No,' said Flossie, 'but rest assured, if we hear any news of a certificate laden ship passing this way we'll be straight onto it. So shall we press on?'

'What are we going to practise?' bleated Dave.

'Boarding an enemy vessel,' replied Lefty.

So that it what they did.

When sheep chat

2011-02-20T16:40:00.004Z

'So I went to Mum's....it was OK I suppose...and you?'

'Stayed here,' replied Flossie, 'pretty quiet to be honest.'

'It's more for the lambs really anyway,' said Lefty.

'That's what I've always said,' agreed Flossie.

'Get anything much?' asked Lefty.

'No......got a new eye patch in the sales though.'

'Which one?'

'On the left.'

'Is that silk?'

'It's a silk, lycra mix,' replied Flossie, 'so it's got stretch but also a warmth that I've really appreciated during the later part of winter. I should have got a couple but when you're there you don't think about it.'

'I know what you mean,' said Lefty.

'Well....that's enough padding out....what are we doing here?'

'We've been asked to fill in for the week,' said Lefty.

'Great!' said Flossie. 'Any ideas?'

'I thought we could do some basic training?' suggested Lefty.

'Looking forward to it already,' replied Flossie.

Attending an opening

2011-02-18T17:51:00.004Z

'So......so what exactly do you think he's trying to do?' asked Bertha.

'I'm not certain,' replied Norma, 'but my best guess is that he's trying to worry it open.'

'Could take a while.'

'I don't think that's really going to bother him,' said Norma.

'No possibly not,' replied Bertha, '......and after that?'

'I doubt he's thought that far ahead,' said Norma.

Bertha nodded in agreement and for a while they stood and watched Captain Bill.

'I've a good mind to go and open it for him,' said Bertha.

'Oh, I wouldn't,' replied Norma, 'it'll spoil the fun and besides he's doing quite well, I think there's almost a hole in one corner. After the last couple of weeks I could do with something like this.'

'True,' replied Bertha, 'it has been busy.'

'Mmmm,' said Norma, 'so I've arranged for us to have a week off so we can sort ourselves out.'

'So what's happening instead?' asked Bertha.

But Norma said nothing and just smiled.

A late arrival

2011-02-17T17:28:00.006Z

'It arrived on Monday,' said Norma.

'Right,' said Captain Bill.

'But as you know I was rather busy.'

'Right,' said Captain Bill.

'Sorry I forgot.'

'Fine,' said Captain Bill.

'It is addressed to you,' added Norma.

'Mmmmm,' said Captain Bill.

'I think it's rather sweet.'

Captain Bill looked at Norma.

'I suppose there's any chance it's a tax demand?'

'Given that it's in a red envelope, perfumed and says 'To Ma Hero Capitaine Bill' on the front, I doubt it.'

'Right,' said Captain Bill.

'You'll probably want to be opening it,' suggested Norma.

The hero Capitaine Bill peered at the envelope.

'Might leave it a while....'

'Why?' asked Norma.

'.....Just because.'

The relationships of others

2011-02-16T17:15:00.005Z

'Well really!' mooed Captain Bill. 'You do have to wonder whether it was worth the effort?'

'Norma seems to think it was, 'replied Bertha.

'Hmm, well she's too easy going anyway.'

''I suppose if they're happy in each others company...'

'Possibly,' conceded Captain Bill, 'although I can't help feeling she could do better for herself. A fainting, unpublished poet isn't exactly top draw material.'

'I suspect that's part of the attraction for her,' replied Bertha, 'that and the fact that he's kind.'

'Wishy washy more like,' said Captain Bill. 'If you're going to get anywhere in life you've got to be decisive, even in affairs of the heart.'

'Really?' asked Bertha.

'Of yes!' replied Captain Bill. 'The trouble with Horace is he keeps backing away from things and no good ever came of that!'

All washed up

2011-02-15T17:49:00.004Z

'And Norma says they're going to go out for a walk...which means they've got to get married in six months time.'

'Is that so?' asked Cyril.

'I think so,' replied Annie, 'at least that's the rumour I've decided to spread.'

'Sounds fine to me,' said Cyril.

'I was wondering if I should contact all the major news organisations?'

'Hmm,' said Cyril, 'might be complicated, perhaps I could do it for you?'

'Oh yes please,' replied Annie, 'and ask them if they want any more jam while you're at it.'

'Are you still sending them jam then?' asked Cyril.

'I've always thought it helped to keep them on my side,' replied Annie. 'Now are there many more dishes to wash?'

'Only a few,' said Cyril. 'I've tried to reduce them to a minimum by eating most of the dessert bowls.'

'It's that sort of clear thinking that could revolutionise the whole catering industry,' mooed Annie.

So they washed what was left and then helped Geraldine to wash behind her wings.

After the Valentine was over

2011-02-14T16:45:00.004Z

'It wasn't my idea,' said Horace.

'I didn't think it was!' replied Norma.

'And then...'

'I know,' said Norma, 'but they meant well.'

'Was the meal nice?'

'Mmm, I enjoyed it, Cyril's a very good cook.'

'What did you have for dessert?'

'5 trifles,' replied Norma, 'there are still a couple left over if you'd like some?'

'I think I could manage a couple...and perhaps something to drink.'

'I'll go and get a selection and you can choose what you want.'

'Thank you,' said Horace.

'My pleasure,' said Norma and she slowly turned to go.

'Norma,' said Horace.

'Yes?' said Norma.

'Perhaps, when I'm feeling better, we could go for a walk sometime.'

'Yes,' said Norma, 'I'd like that, I'd like that a lot.'

Will the love last?

2011-02-13T15:32:00.004Z

'So what's happening?' asked Captain Bill.

'I'm eating this Kiev,' replied Cyril.

'As you very well know that is not what I meant,' said Captain Bill, '....where did you get it from anyway?'

'It's Horace's,' replied Cyril.

'HORACE'S!' said Captain Bill.

'Well he's not eating it,' replied Cyril.

'He's not eaten anything so far,' said Annie.

'Or said anything,' noted Bertha.

'Oh honestly!' said Captain Bill, 'just how hopeless can he get!'

'He's just sitting there,' said Annie.

'Apart from when he's fallen over,' added Bertha.

'FALLEN OVER!' exclaimed Captain Bill.

'Twice so far,' replied Cyril. 'Not easy to do when you're already sitting down but he's managed it.'

'I think he's just too nervousified,' said Annie.

'Hopeless,' said Captain Bill, 'absolutely hopeless! Well I don't suppose it can get any worse.'

'He's fainted!' mooed Bertha.

The Joy of Valentines

2011-02-11T17:19:00.004Z

'Pleeeeeeeaaassssseeeee!' gasped Horace.

'It's for your own good,' mooed Bertha.

'I'm not convinced!' said Horace.

'Well Norma's then,' suggested Bertha.

'Errrr?' said Horace.

Bertha stopped and put Horace down.

'So what's the alternative?' she asked.

'....I could write a poem about her?' said Horace.

'And that would achieve?'

'Wellllllllll....' began Horace.

'Exactly!' said Bertha and she picked him up again.

'There's a thing called destiny,' she explained, 'and it's waiting for you to arrive!'

'Could you ask it to wait a little longer?' asked Horace.

'Sorry chum,' said Bertha, 'time's up!'

When a Valentine isn't...

2011-02-10T18:06:00.005Z

'Sooooooooo......how are you?'

'Fine,' replied Norma.

'Excellent!' said Captain Bill. 'Excellent...........excellent.'

'So if you don't mind me asking.....why are we here?'

'Well,' replied Captain Bill, 'to be honest.....I suppose I'm not.'

'Really?' said Norma.

'Yes,' said Captain Bill.

'.......So where are you?'

'Ermmmmmm, well I'm not really anywhere else either.'

'Hmm,' said Norma, 'would it be terribly amiss of me to say I'm not sure what's going on?'

'Oh, I'm way ahead of you there,' replied Captain Bill.

'Right.'

'The point is,' continued Captain Bill, 'I'm just keeping a seat warm.'

'There aren't any seats,' said Norma.

'A patch of grass then,' replied Captain Bill, 'a patch of grass that will hopefully soon be occupied by another.'

'And will they have a better idea about what's going on?' asked Norma.

'Oh, I doubt it,' said Captain Bill.

The Case of the Missing Valentine

2011-02-09T17:54:00.004Z

'Gone!' exclaimed Captain Bill.

'Correct!' replied Cyril. 'On his hooves and away.'

'Bertha's gone to find him,' added Annie.

'Is that wise?' asked Captain Bill.

'She's promised the bruises won't show,' replied Cyril.

'Well that's better treatment than I get,' said Captain Bill, 'but in the meantime?'

'Someone will have to stand in for him,' said Cyril, 'and Norma's already on her way.'

'Ah!' replied Captain Bill.

And he looked at Cyril.

'I'm doing the cooking,' said Cyril.

'Right,' said Captain Bill.

And he looked at Annie...who smiled back and wiggled her hat.

'My assistant,' said Cyril.

'Oh really?' said Captain Bill.

'Absolutamente!' replied Cyril. '....So it's you.'

'I could help with the cooking as well you know!' suggested Captain Bill.

'We'll tell Bertha if you don't,' said Annie.

'Just don't serve anything until I give the signal,' said Captain Bill.

When the hard work is done

2011-02-08T16:29:00.004Z

Morning all!

Well I'm pleased to say that, thanks to some expert planning, things are running very smoothly indeed.

I think it's reasonable to suggest that most of this is down to me....and so I will. After all it's one of the subtler points of good captaincy that you allow each member of the team to feel that they have contributed something while all the time knowing that without your own clear headed guidance things would have fallen apart long before.

Annie's very basic notion had been built upon layer by layer until the end result is far beyond doubt. From where I stand I can see that Bertha has laid out the table and decorations while to my left the sounds of a busy kitchen greet my ears.

And so I think I can say that the lucky couple can look forward to a Valentines day that will be second to none.

I of course will maintain my position in the shadows, happy to play out my part with no expectation of thanks but secure in the knowledge of a job superbly done.

Until we speak again.....

Your humble servant

Captain Bill

Cooking for fun

2011-02-07T16:52:00.005Z

'Onions,' said Cyril.

'Onions,' said Annie.

'Tomatoes,' said Cyril.

'Tomatoes,' said Annie.

'3 fried eggs,' said Cyril.

'3 fried eggs,' said Annie.

'12 sausages,' said Cyril.

'12 sausages,' said Annie.

'Now that's what I call a sandwich!' said Cyril. 'Want one?'

'Yes please,' replied Annie.

So Cyril made them 4 each.

'Do you think we should start cooking the meal yet?' asked Annie.

'All in good time,' replied Cyril. 'Have you seen the mustard?'

And Annie passed the mustard.

'It's fun isn't it,' said Annie, 'this cooking business.'

'It's a lark,' agreed Cyril.

'I said there would be larks,' said Annie.

'So you did,' replied Cyril. 'Now who's for a family sized trifle?'

And as it turned out...they both were.

The romance of romance

2011-02-06T16:52:00.005Z

'Perhaps,' suggested Captain Bill, 'if we could just move in a little?'

'But I like it close to the edge,' said Horace, 'it makes me feel alive.'

'I'm sure it does,' replied Captain Bill, 'it's just I'm afraid that if I fall off I'll end up feeling dead....which I'd rather like to avoid.'

'But it's perfectly safe,' said Horace.

And he jumped up and down a few times.

'Please don't do that!' said Captain Bill. 'After all we wouldn't want you to come to any harm, not with only a week to go.'

'That's what I wanted to talk to you about,' said Horace.

'I thought it might be,' replied Captain Bill.

Horace sighed and looked out across the sea.

'I....I was wondering if you had any advice?'

'ME?' mooed Captain Bill.

'Well you are my Captain,' said Horace.

'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, '....erm.....well....erm, I suppose it's a bit like....a bit like being at sea...because....well....erm.....well imagine that....no maybe not....well if Norma was......no hang on....what are those things that make the ship go faster?'

'The sails?'

'That's them! The sails...the sails of love...imagine that the sails of love are being blown by the wind of hope and that for a long time you've been in the doldrums, but now, thanks to us, you've got wind...a lot of wind...'

'This isn't helping,' said Horace.

'I'll shut up then,' said Captain Bill.

And he did...and everyone felt much happier.

When friends find out...

2011-02-04T16:23:00.004Z

Norma stared at Bertha.......VERY, VERY HARD.

'Ha!' mooed Norma. 'You twitched!'

'Never,' said Bertha.

'You did!' replied Norma.

'Involuntary horn spasm,' said Bertha.

'Rubbish!' said Norma and she stared at Bertha again...VERY, VERY, VERY HARD.

'You did it again!' exclaimed Norma. 'That proves it! There is something going on!'

'No, no, no!' replied Bertha.

'There must be,' said Norma. 'You might think you're tough but you twitched....now what is it?'

'Nothing,' said Bertha. '.......what are you doing on the 14th?'

'Why?'

'Just asking,' said Bertha. 'Only you might want to leave it free.....around lunchtime.'

Norma herded closer to Bertha.

'I know what day that is,' she said.

'Fine,' said Bertha, '.....maybe dress up a bit, nice shawl, smidge of lippy, catch you later.'

And with that Bertha ran off.

'I thought you were a friend!' called out Norma after her.

Who's going to tell her?

2011-02-03T17:29:00.004Z

'So I thought,' puffed Captain Bill.

'Well you thought wrong then,' replied Bertha.

'But,' gasped Captain Bill, '...actually could we just stop a second?'

Bertha slowed down a tiny bit.

'After all, you are her friend,' said Captain Bill.

'And you're her Captain,' replied Bertha.

'Indeed,' agreed Captain Bill, 'and if it were something Captainy...but we both know this isn't.'

'So?' asked Bertha.

'Well just drop a general hint,' continued Captain Bill, 'just make sure she leaves the day free, there's no need to go into detail.'

Bertha stopped at the top of the rise.

'And the table and all the arrangements?'

'I'll lend a hoof,' replied Captain Bill, 'get it done in half the time.'

'Hmm,' said Bertha.

'Brilliant!' said Captain Bill. 'You know it makes sense! But remember, only tell her the bare minimum.'

'That,' replied Bertha, 'is easier said than done. Norma may look all sweetness and light but if she suspects something is going on....she has this uncanny ability to get more out of you than you were intending.'

The Romantic Meal Menu

2011-02-02T17:25:00.005Z

'And then,' said Captain Bill, 'there's the thorny problem of the menu.'

'Bertha's arranging the flowers,' replied Annie.

'So that's the starters taken care of,' continued Captain Bill. 'What about the main course?'

'Sedge Kiev,' said Cyril, 'in a dandelion sauce.'

'I like it!' mooed Captain Bill, 'I like it a lot!'

'So do I,' replied Cyril, 'that's why I made 50.'

'50!'

'Not enough?' asked Cyril, 'I would happily make more.'

'Of course it's enough!' replied Captain Bill. 'Where are you going to keep them?'

'No problem,' said Cyril, 'I've eaten them.'

Captain Bill looked at Cyril.

'You've set this whole thing up just so that you can scoff food!'

'Taste,' replied Cyril, 'I have tasted the food. You can't have an event of this importance and leave things to chance.'

'How many desserts?'

'75....want some?'

'..........Yes OK!'

So Cyril, Annie and Captain Bill ate desserts until they felt very, very sick.

It's all in the detail

2011-02-01T18:43:00.004Z

'But you do like her?' asked Captain Bill.

'Well...' began Horace.

'Look we all know very well that you do!' said Bertha.

Horace glanced down at his hoofs.

'It's just.......difficult,' he said.

'Which is where we stampede in!' said Captain Bill.

'I'm not sure....'

'It'll be fine,' said Captain Bill.

'But...'

'It's going to be a meal for two,' continued Captain Bill. 'Cyril's doing the cooking, Annie to assist. Bertha's going to arrange the table, candles, cutlery, etc, etc and I'm in a sort of supervisory role. What could possibly go wrong?'

'Errrrr?' said Horace.

'And Geraldine's going to serve, 'added Cyril. 'It'll save on hiring a uniform.'

'Although we may still get her a hat,' added Captain Bill, 'depends on what the organising sub-committee think.'

'Organising sub-committee!' mooed Horace.

And Annie did a little dance and pointed at herself.

Ever so slightly bemused

2011-01-31T19:27:00.005Z

Hello everyone!

I have to say I've been a bit confused....it's been a rather quiet week for me.

Everyone else seems to be busy with something or other. I couldn't even tempt Annie into coming down to the beach to have a chat with the shrimps and Bertha wanted to get started on a new sculpture. So I've been having a look around the island by myself.

I'm pleased to say there's a few spring bulbs coming through at last which is a relief as winter seems to have been twice as long as normal this year. Perhaps we'll get a nice summer to make up for it?

Anyway I'd better be getting along.

Hope things are going well where you are.

Hugs and a hot chocolate

Norma.

Just what should he do?

2011-01-29T07:16:00.002Z

'What he needs to do,' said Captain Bill, 'is make a gesture.'

'No Cyril!' said Bertha, 'Not that sort!'

'What he needs to do,' said Captain Bill, 'is to get her attention.'

Annie raised a hoof.

'Without,' continued Captain Bill, 'the aid of a giant, 400 hundred hoof high, flashing neon knitted sign.'

Annie put her hoof down again.

'This was my idea in the first place,' she reminded everyone.

'Perhaps,' suggested Captain Bill, 'he could fight a duel?'

'Does he have his own lipstick,' asked Bertha, 'or would you like me to provide one?'

'You're never going to let that drop are you?' said Captain Bill.

'I wasn't planning to,' replied Bertha.

'Years of mileage in it,' agreed Cyril.

'Wonderful!' said Captain Bill, 'but unless someone has a better idea?'

'Food,' said Cyril.

'You're obsessed aren't you!' said Captain Bill.

'Possibly he is,' mooed Annie, 'but everyone likes a nibble!'

Tea and a discussion

2011-01-27T17:53:00.004Z

'So on one side,' said Cyril, 'there's the romantic notion of two people being brought together.'

'While on the other,' added Bertha, 'none of us can face another valentines day with the pair of them wandering around looking clinically depressed.'

'I'm with you on the second one,' said Captain Bill.

'Horace has already taken to the cliffs,' continued Bertha.

'Already?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'How much paper has he got with him?'

'5 reams,' replied Cyril, 'I saw him carrying them up there.'

'Which means two weeks of non stop poetry writing, 'said Captain Bill,' and then the horror that is valentines day!'

'When absolutely nothing will happen,' added Cyril.

'So Annie's had an idea,' said Bertha, 'to make sure that this year something actually occurs.'

'Well you can count me in,' said Captain Bill.

'A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!' mooed Annie.

But everyone ignored her.

'It won't be easy though,' said Captain Bill, 'Horace won't like it.'

'We just need to give him a little push,' said Bertha, 'although obviously not while he's on the cliffs.'

'Then again,' said Cyril.

A Minor Fourth

2011-01-26T17:34:00.004Z

'So,' began Captain Bill, 'unless you've all just developed a sudden interest in mending bits of old rope?'

'Which we've not,' said Bertha.

'Then I can safely assume you have another reason for being here?'

'Secret meeting,' replied Bertha.

'Things to discuss,' added Cyril.

'Shall I draw the blinds?' asked Annie.

'Erm?' said Captain Bill. 'Haven't actually got any, what with being outside. Could have some fitted, might cause a bit of a delay though.'

'We'll press on,' said Bertha.

And so they did.

'It's about Norma and Horace,' said Bertha.

'What about them?' asked Captain Bill.

'They are but two individuals,' said Cyril.

'Well spotted,' replied Captain Bill.

'No he's not!' mooed Annie. 'He's the only one of us who isn't!'

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I suspect this may take some time.'

And so he went to put the kettle on.

A Major Third

2011-01-26T06:40:00.004Z

'There's no denying it!' said Cyril.

'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'it's dangerous territory.'

'But you like a challenge,' said Cyril.

'True,' replied Bertha and she took another look into Annie's ear.

'It's a bit short on detail.'

'I can't rule out having further thinks,' said Annie, 'but it's not likely while I'm standing up.'

'We'll need Bill,' muttered Bertha.

'No plan is perfect,' replied Cyril.

'And Norma is a very good friend of mine,' continued Bertha, 'and I've never been entirely convinced it would be in her best interests.'

'Sometimes,' said Cyril, 'these things are beyond reason.'

'Indeed,' conceded Bertha, 'and you'll behave?'

'As best I can,' replied Cyril.

'OK!' said Bertha

And so two became three...plus Geraldine...who's simply trying to be helpful.

Announcing a new think

2011-01-24T19:01:00.006Z

'Hello!' said Annie.

Geraldine very kindly half opened one of Cyril's eyes and gave him a wave.

'Hello,' said Cyril.

'What are you doing?' asked Annie.

'Mid afternoon, intersnack snoozing,' replied Cyril and his eye closed again.

'You probably don't want to be disturbed then?' said Annie.

Cyril rolled over and swished his tail around for while.

'But I suspect I'm going to be,' he replied.

'I've had a think!' said Annie and she lent across so Cyril could see into her ear.

'Hmm,' said Cyril, who stood up and shook himself. 'That's looking like rather a good one.'

'One of my best,' mooed Annie.

'Will there be larks?' asked Cyril.

'And japes,' said Annie.

'Giggles?' asked Cyril.

And Annie nodded.

'Then Sir Cyril of Plottingshire is at your disposal!' said Cyril.

And with that the two conspirators moved on....with Geraldine not far behind them...because she is sort of involved.

Towards a bigger think

2011-01-23T08:16:00.008Z

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!*

Annie here!

Now as my regular reader will know I take my thinks very seriously.

In the past I've been happy to advise you to have thinks by following the 'hanging upside down' method. But think research moves on and I'm very pleased to announce the arrival of a brand new idea that's been especially tailored towards the 'big think'. Small thinks tend to happen quite easily but big thinks have always presented more of a problem and so for that reason I've now switched to, what I'm calling, the 'Swinging Penguin with a boxing glove on the end of a long stick' method.

Now I know what you're thinking (small think), you're thinking, that's alright for you Miss Smartyhooves but what if I don't have access to a long stick? Well you can always improvise, perhaps by using two short sticks tied together or a lid prop from a c1842 John Broadwood and Sons Grand Piano.

The important thing is to have a go and not be put off by reality.

Will this method have a profound change on how we all approach thinking? To be honest I don't know, maybe some thinks are just too big, even for me.

Right, sleepy now.

Take care

Annie

* IT'S COMPETITION TIME!!!!!!!

My 'hello' has 40 'o's in it but due to an error one of them has been printed upside down. Can you spot which one it is? The first correct entry will receive 5 original illustrations from recent blogs and extra goodies as well. Just 1 entry per person, competition closes a week today. Good luck!

In need of your support

2011-01-22T19:25:00.005Z

'I'm really not happy about this,' said Captain Bill.

'Well I think it'll peel off,' replied Norma.

'No,' said Captain Bill, 'I meant about this whole business.'

'You mean Cow Island Monday?' replied Norma. 'I think it sounds like a wonderful idea for fans of Cow Island to do their bit to help bring Cow Island to a wider audience and also be in with a chance of winning a quite wonderful prize which will include original illustrations from this very blog!'

'You're reading from a script aren't you?' said Captain Bill.

'It's just notes really,' replied Norma. 'But the point is the Great Pencil would like to ask all our fans to do something on Monday to help to promote us. They could just tell someone they know or tweet or blog about us, anything really, just to help to spread the silliness a little wider.'

Captain Bill stopped and looked at Norma.

'He's not...he's not trying to get the readers into double figures is he? I mean ambitions a fine thing but there is a limit.'

'Now that's not kind,' replied Norma.

'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I suppose it could work, but it'll need careful planning, Monday's blog will have to be a 1st rate affair, there won't be any room for anything that's less than the very best we can offer...who's doing it?'

'Annie,' said Norma.

'ANNIE!' mooed Captain Bill.

COW ISLAND MONDAY......REALLY, YOU NEED TO BE THERE!