Cow Island

So who is Bertha and why should you want to know her? Bertha is not in charge... at least not on paper but she finds it difficult to just stand back and watch Captain Bill mess it up for the squillionth time. So she gets 'involved'. Now this often works and things move forward and everyone benefits... but you can't help wanting her to be a bit more diplomatic about it. And when she's not sitting up in the Cows nest what else does she get up to? She runs the Cow Island Library (new members always welcome, please return on time) and then to relax she has her sculptures. The chance to stand in a big, wide open space and bash the heck out of large slabs of rock... it's what Bertha was made for.

Cyril, handsome, charming, witty and paying me to write this for him! He is also a first class food critic, owner of numerous off island holding companies, a doctor, lawyer and (this is what he's most proud of) capable of poking Horace with a pointy stick. Cyril will be your pal; the rates are weekly or monthly (your choice). If you want it, Cyril has it and is willing to sell it to you. Do you have a very large triple decker Victoria sponge cake? Actually, no you don't, because Cyril spotted it half an hour ago... sorry about that! Cyril, available now on Etsy ... unless he's hacked my account and moved the money.

Where does one begin when talking about Annie? She is... special. Blessed with the ability to talk 'Shrimp' but frequently unable to remember how many legs she has. Fascinated by Penguins and partial to cake. Of all the herd she is perhaps the most likely to fall overboard when out sailing and she doesn't care one jot about it. And when not being pulled from the sea, the place where you can be sure of finding her is in her hammock... or playing deck croquet with Bertha and Norma. She is a beacon to us all: do what you want to do, do it today and don't regret a thing. We can learn a lot from Annie. But not Captain Bill's name... she can never remember it!

There are six cartoon cows living in my head... They have been there for a few years now. They are me... I am them. The problem with being a creative person is that you tend to need to be on your own. I paint... I draw cartoons... I write... and the result is that I don't spend a lot of time with real people. So the Cows keep me sane... sort of. And they are always there. This afternoon, I took a stroll down the towpath of the river and they came with me. Annie just ran around a lot, climbing trees and falling in the water. Norma, Bertha and Horace had a nice quiet walk; Horace may get a poem out of it later. Captain Bill shouted advice to some of the tourists in their pleasure boats and as for Cyril... I think I saw him selling something to a narrow boat owner. I don't like to ask too many questions of Cyril; what I don't know can't be used against me. So there they are, my alter egos .