Cow Island

SAILED AWAY In a boat next to you On a clear blue sea Not a cloud in the sky You looked at me And gave me a smile That signalled the start Then you sailed away with my heart So I drifted along Simply lost in your eyes You could ask what you wanted You knew I'd comply Never could repel boarders No I'm not very smart So you sailed away with my heart Thank you. Horace

You've missed him (hopefully)! Now he's back and let's face it, he's difficult to resist! Iiiittttttttttttt'sssssssssssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLL! Dearly beloved, I am gathered here today and that's not easy when you're my size! Seriously, there are bits of me trying to get overboard even as I speak. But I am here today to accept your forgiveness (and perhaps a cake or two), for it is true: I have sinned! Now I know that, for some time, my financial arrangements have left a few of you with some degree of concern and I accept that my selling on of the Pickled Heifer has met with some minor criticism (although let's be honest, some around here make a living out of moaning). But anyway, I shall try my best (and you know how good that can be!!) to turn over a new hoof. So all I'm asking is, give young Cyril another chance. We are who we are, unless it's a question of tax returns and then the mittens are off! I leave you all with a giant Cyril hug

Morning all, Bertha reporting! Just let me quickly say that there's nothing to report concerning our general position. I've spotted an occasional sail on the horizon and everyone is getting a nice tan. Now the point has been made that our new boat does not yet have a name. So I've had a word with Norma and we think that it would be a good idea to throw it open to you, our readers. Little Geraldine (who's proving to be surprisingly helpful) has made a sign, so why not have a go and 'name our boat'. Just send your suggestions to us and we'll pick a winner when we're ready. There may be a prize... but I wouldn't want any of you running out and buying expensive works of art on the prospect of new found riches. Well that's all from me, have a good day and do remember to sit up straight. Thank you, Bertha

Morning all, Bill here, I'm dropping the title for a while. I think I remember something from Captain School about not using it if the ship is under a certain size. If anybody out there can have a look in the book and let me know I'd be very grateful. I think it comes just after the chapter on how to tell Port from Starboliarboliboard. So here we all are... sitting very close together. The main problem a the moment is trying to navigate. I feel a bit lost; well actually very lost without me knitted compass. There are various temporary options. Dangling a bit of iron over Annie's horns; dangling Annie over a bit of iron; dangling Cyril from the mast. I admit the last one won't help with navigation but it might raise crew morale a notch or two. I suppose in the end we'll just have to hope that my keen sense of direction sees us through. Right, on we go. Bill

'Look,' said Captain Bill, 'in view of your recent behaviour, would you mind sitting at the other end of the boat?' 'I am,' replied Cyril. 'Oh udders!' said Captain Bill. Captain Bill, Norma, Bertha, Annie, Horace, Geraldine... and Cyril were all sitting in one very, very small boat, which apart from containing six cows and a penguin also had a considerable number of purchases stored about it. 'Well I think we'll just have to put a brave face on it and make the very best out of the situation that we can,' said Norma with a little smile. 'I don't suppose we have been left with much choice!' replied Bertha, who gave Cyril a very stern look. 'Any sign of anything?' Captain Bill asked her but Bertha replied that there wasn't. 'The trouble is,' said Bertha, 'is that I'm not really that high up.' And she wasn't. 'I guess,' said Captain Bill, 'that I always knew it would come to this one da

'SOLD IT!' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'Well it was your idea,' replied Cyril. 'No it wasn't!' said Captain Bill. 'Well you wanted the bill paid,' replied Cyril. 'NOT LIKE THAT!' 'Well you should have said,' continued Cyril, 'I was given no guidelines.' The Cows were herded together on the deck of 'Sneegle and Fitch'. The Pickled Heifer was very, very, not there. 'How did you do it anyway?' asked Captain Bill. 'That ship was in my name. The only way you could have sold it was by forging my sig.......na...............turrrrrrrrrrre.' And Captain Bill's voice trailed off into the air. 'Oh Cyril!' said Norma. 'How could you?' 'Practise,' replied Cyril, 'and of course it helps if you turn the paper upside down.' 'But now what do we do?' asked Horace. 'My writing paper was onboard!' 'Perhaps we could buy it back?' suggested Norma. 'I'm afraid it

'Hopeless! Absolutely hopeless!' moaned Captain Bill. 'Now that just isn't fair!' replied Bertha 'it was hats after all.' 'But why can't we just go somewhere for once without it ending in chaos?' continued Captain Bill. 'Well it wasn't really our fault,' replied Bertha 'if the assistant had let go when I was shouting at her to do so then Norma would never have stampeded.' Norma looked rather embarrassed. 'And what about them?' said Captain Bill, pointing at Annie, Horace and Geraldine. 'Don't pick on us!' mooed Annie 'it got stuck in gear.' 'You were supposed to be keeping an eye on her!' said Captain Bill. 'Well we did eventually,' called out Norma. 'Only because they turned up in the hat department on the back of a sit on lawn mower!' replied Captain Bill. 'We never went anywhere near the hull.' said Annie. But Captain Bill ignored her. 'Oh well!' he said ev

'Are you serious?!' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'That much?! For a pizza?!' The manager picked up the bill and stared at it. 'Indeed Sir,' he replied 'the Admiral Cyril 3 yard special is a very fine pizza.' 'But how can you make a pizza that wide in the first place?' asked Captain Bill. 'Actually Sir,' said the manager, 'the size refers to the height.' 'You can't have too many toppings,' chipped in Cyril. Captain Bill, Cyril and the manager of the Captain's cocktail lounge were perusing a very large number of bills. 'They go back years!' said Captain Bill. 'Admiral Cyril has been a very good customer,' replied the manager. 'Well the day of reckoning has arrived,' said Captain Bill 'he wants to pay.' The manager looked at Cyril, Cyril shrugged, the manager brought forth a sheef of papers and then... ...a rather hushed conversation ensued, which, no matter how hard he tried, Captain Bill c

Morning all, Bertha here, just taking a moment out to let you know that the good news is Norma and I are almost finished. Of course it's not been easy, this is hats after all! But we've been through most of them and have narrowed things down quite a bit. Now I'm not one to complain but I have to say that the attitude of the staff has left a little to be desired this time around. There are a lot of signs around here that clearly say that the staff are here to help. But 3 days later and what do you find? To me it's obvious that there's no way you can make an initial selection until you've tried on ALL the hats and left them out so that you can compare them and arrange them into some sort of order of wantedness. Do the staff understand this? NO! As you might have guessed I tend to lose my temper a bit, so thank heavens for Norma that's all I can say. Her ability to stay calm and diplomatic really comes into it's own at times like these. Right, last 70 hats

'But you agreed,' said Cyril, 'just one quick drink.' 'But that's not one drink!' replied Captain Bill 'and you knew it wouldn't be.' 'I just chose at random,' said Cyril 'I had no way of knowing it was going to be this big.' 'Rubbish!' replied Captain Bill 'It's obvious that you've been in before.' 'Never!' said Cyril. 'Then how do you explain the pricing of the drinks?' pointed out Captain Bill. 'Small, medium, large and Cyril!' 'Admiral Cyril,' corrected Cyril and he held up the list and pointed at the word Admiral. 'And,' continued Captain Bill,'we're sitting at the 'Admiral' Cyril table in the 'Admiral' Cyril lounge and you've just been served from a cocktail shaker that's engraved 'Personal Property of Admiral Cyril and,' and here Captain Bill raised his voice, 'you're not a proper Admiral!' 'You do seem to

Helllllooooooo, Annie here, and I'm feeling just a tad let down! As regular readers will know, I wanted to get a my new little chum a prezzie. Now Norma (my best friend) had advised against getting a tractor and, after a medium sized think, I decided to follow her advice. So I decided to get... a sit on lawn mower! So you can imagine my disappointment to find that when we got to the Penguin department, they only make 5 different models. What sort of range is that?! Sometimes manufacturers fail to spot a golden opportunity. Anyway, I've picked out this one as it gives Geraldine good all around visibility and a free fish dispenser. Now we're just seeing if we can arrange for a test drive. I hope that you're having a cake filled day, Hugs and... something else... don't know what really. Annie

Hello, Norma here, it seems like simply ages since I did one of my little Saturday roundups. I think it's nice to just have a quiet chat between ourselves once in a while. Well Annie and Horace... and Geraldine have gone off to do their bit of shopping. I do hope Annie can be sensible about what to buy. I have to say that Geraldine seems to be a very well adjusted little penguin. As for Cyril and Captain Bill, I'm hoping that, if they just give each other a chance, they'll get along just fine. Often misunderstandings happen because people don't get to know each other. I'm sure they'll both do their very best to make the effort. That just leaves me and Bertha. As you can see we've arrived at the Hat Department. Bertha has already gone rushing straight in. As you know I'm a much calmer person... but to be honest, once I've finished writing this... I'm not going to be held responsible for my actions... after all, it's Hats! Do have nice weekends

'Her name's Geraldine,' said Annie. 'Oh, that's a nice name,' replied Norma. 'But where exactly does she come from?' asked Bertha. 'I don't know,' replied Annie, '....and neither does my lawyer.' 'That would be Cyril I suppose,' suggested Bertha and Annie nodded. Geraldine slid down Annie's face and landed with a splosh into the extra large bananananananana split* which Annie had ordered. 'Weeeeeeeeeeee!' mooed Annie, who then did a quick run around the table. Annie, Bertha, Horace and Norma were sitting in 'Icecreamwitheverything', which was a very fancy looking, newly opened shop. 'We moved in just after the re-float' the assistant had explained and everyone had kept very quiet. 'Oh well, I suppose now that she is here,' said Norma looking at Geraldine, who had climbed out of the bowl and was nibbling at a piece of banananananananana. 'I thought I should buy her a present,' replied

You've missed him; he's back! And he's got a new chum to play with! Iiiiiiiittttttttt'ssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Morning fans, how we all doing then? I see that once again we have returned to one of my favourite places and speaking as someone who can be in several places at the same time, can I just say how pleased I am to be back. Now as you may know, I have a new chum. Let's be honest, we've never spent a lot of time together in the past, but now all that can change. Me and Old Billie Eyepatch can look forward to a series of heartwarming adventures and cake. I've decided that we should start off at the 'Captain's Cocktail Lounge' - just one of several places that I've not been banned from... well not recently anyway. Can you believe it: he's never been in! Well all that is about to change. Now I've promised him that it will be just a quick once around, no loitering and certainly we won't be stopping for 2 very large pre

Morning all, Bertha here, hurrying off towards the hat department. We have just stopped off by the perfumes though. Now I'm not one for a lot of that sort of thing but when you're at the top of the mast in a raging gale, a little something dabbed behind the horns allows you to remain in touch with your feminine side. The problem is there are so many to choose from and I always end up by panicking and buying the same one. There is a new one called 'Midnight Stampede' which promises romance or your money back but I don't think I'm likely to meet someone at the top of the 'Pickled Heifer'. I asked Annie what she thought of it and she said it tasted like seaweed! Norma has suggested that we all buy for each other but I'm not sure about that and anyway after you've been here for 5 minutes they all smell the same anyway. Why do I always end up in a tizz in situations like this; I'm normally so decisive! I'm going to buy 'Long Grasssss'

Captain Bill, Norma, Horace, Bertha, Annie and Cyril stood on the deck of 'Sneegle and Fitch' waiting for the lift. They were passing the time by having a 'discussion'. 'Well of course I won't let her have pointy scissors.' said Norma, 'or a pointy croquet mallet or a pointy chainsaw.' 'Only asking,' replied Captain Bill 'and you have...' '...told Horace?' suggested Norma. 'Only asking,' said Captain Bill. 'And have you decided what you and Cyril are going to do?' asked Bertha. 'We're going for a meal,' said Cyril. 'We are not!' said Captain Bill. 'Oh go on,' replied Cyril. 'No,' said Captain Bill. 'Small one,' said Cyril '15 courses... plus wine, wouldn't take long.' 'NO!' said Captain Bill. 'Trip around the food hall?' 'NO!' 'Afternoon tea?' 'NO!' 'Morning tea? You can get some very nice morning teas... I once

'Oh you can barely tell,' said Norma. 'It's a great big patch!' replied Captain Bill. 'You're just assuming that's from Annie's little accident,' continued Norma 'they might have had woodworm.' 'WOODWORM!' said Captain Bill, 'Woodworm! ...Woodelephants with a good run up couldn't have caused that sort of damage.' 'Well they've obviously repaired it all,' chipped in Bertha 'so I really don't see what all the fuss is about.' 'The fuss,' replied Captain Bill 'is because whenever we visit here it always goes spectacularly wrong.' 'Well it won't this time,' said Norma 'Bertha and I will keep a close eye on Annie annnnnnnnddddddd should we become momentarily distracted by hats I've asked Horace to come with us, so he can take over.' 'And you think that will help?' asked Captain Bill. 'Possibly,' replied Norma. 'So that just leaves you with Cy

'NO!' said Captain Bill. 'But it wouldn't take long,' replied Norma, 'only a couple of hours.' 'We've already sorted out our top 100,' added Bertha and she waved the 'Summer Hats' catalogue at Captain Bill. 'No, no, no, no, no!' said Captain Bill, '...no!' 'Oh why not?' asked Norma. 'WHY!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well let's see, on previous visits Horace destroyed the poetry department, Cyril and Annie got chased through the china department, you two...' 'We know what happened to us,' interrupted Bertha, ' we were there.' 'And,' continued Captain Bill 'to round it all off, last time we went shopping at Sneeegle and Fitch, someone and I think we all know who, went berserk with a chain saw and sank the entire store!' 'You're only picking on me because I've got wonky horns!' called out Annie from her hammock. Captain Bill ignored her. 'Well I'm s

Hello all, Bertha here. Now I know what you're thinking and I am still keeping an eye out for Pirates and there are a couple of ships off to starboard. But when the new edition of 'Summer Hats' has just been flown in by special carrier gull... I think I can manage a little multi-tasking! It won't take long to get through anyway. Just 500 pages of new and exciting, never been seen before hats; plus hat patterns and a pull out jewelry section (passed that on to Norma - we'll swap back later on). Ooh! That's a nice one, all ribbon and snackable flowers... sorry, hang on, I'll just turn the corner over to mark the page. That's better! Right well I'd better get through this and then have 4th breakfast. Take care, safe sailing, do give me a call if you spot any Pirates. Bertha

Morning all, Captain Bill here, Penguin free, steering 'Not North' and heading for home! I've carefully checked our position and am pleased to report that we're 'somewhere'. So with a fair wind and a good slice of luck, hopefully we'll be back by the weekend. I have to say that I think the crew did pretty well during our last adventure. Not to make too much of things but careful crew management and firm leadership once again played their part. Some things can be taught in Captain School, others can't! So, I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to getting home and making a real start on the Rope Museum summer season. I am now taking block bookings and those of you planning school trips should drop me a line asap - I'm anticipating having to limit places due to demand. Take care, happy sailing, Captain Bill Weather forecast: sea's a bit choppy; clouds softness factor 4; seaweed slightly damp.

Helllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooo, Annie here, I'm trying not think about leaving my Penguin chums, which is pretty difficult. I've tried to think about other things... chocolate lamp posts* and trifles that can fly but I'm still not finding it very easy. Norma (my best friend) says that it's OK if I want to spend the next few days in bed, to help me get over it... like I need her permission! Also my chum Cyril has left a present for me in my hammock. But he's left instructions that I'm not to open it for a day or two and that I'm legally responsible for all the consequentials. That's fine by me, mainly because I haven't got a clue what that means! Well I'm just going to lay here for a bit longer... I may count my legs again... I had 17 yesterday... Bye, Annie *Obviously I mean very good quality dark chocolate... milk chocolate just wouldn't work at all.

Being nice can be tricky, particularly when you're surrounded by five other cartoon cows who all see life through their own - very individual - eyes. But somehow Norma manages it; possibly because she is just inherently nice - always optimistic, always willing to see the best in people... and a bit naive. So she finds herself giving Cyril (see a previous blog) the benefit of the doubt. Even if he does simply do whatever he likes without much thought as to the consequences. And she tries to sort out Bertha and Captain Bill when they are having one of their endless arguments. And she picks Annie out of the sea no matter how many times she falls into it. And as for Horace, she genuinely likes his poetry and maybe she likes him as well but it's up to him to make the first move. So there she is, being nice... because she's nice... nice person Norma... you'd like her... really!