Cow Island

'Lost for words,' Lefty bleated. 'I can't recall seeing anything more moving,' Flossie added and he dabbed a hanky to his eye patch. Lefty wrote 'Star material' on the form in front of him and thanked Geraldine for coming. Geraldine responded with a dignified curtsy and made her way from the stage. 'Next please!' Flossie called out and Camille took the stage accompanied by her pupils. 'Bonjour,' she began, 'I am 'appy to announce that ma little students, all of whom 'ave considerable acting experience, are now at your disposal.' 'Right...' Flossie began but before he could get any further he noticed Lefty trying to attract his attention. 'Not sure how we'd stand with health and safety,' Lefty explained, 'what with them being so young.' 'Ah!' Flossie replied. 'I think,' Lefty continued and here he quickly looked through a thick folder to find the relevant page, ...

'One at a time please!' Flossie bleated. Annie stampeded toward Flossie and only managed to stop at the very last moment. 'We are,' she explained, 'a double act.' And she stampeded back to Cyril, forgot to stop and fell off the back of the stage. 'As you have witnessed,' Cyril cried, 'Miss Annie does all of her own stunts!' 'And I can eat trifle!' Annie called out as she climbed back onto the stage. 'What more could you ask?' Cyril asked. 'You could ask for cake,' Annie suggested. So, Cyril asked for cake but there wasn't any. 'If you could make a note of that please,' Cyril said. And Lefty made a note on a form. 'Any previous acting experience?' Flossie asked. 'Pardon?' Cyril replied. 'I'll speak up,' Flossie bleated. 'If you could please,' Cyril replied. 'There was supposed to be a megaphone,' Lefty added. 'Do you still need on...

'I'm so sorry,' Norma mooed, 'I didn't quite hear you just then.' 'Not a problem,' Flossie replied. 'There was supposed to be a megaphone,' Lefty added. 'Ah!' Norma said. 'I'll just speak up,' Flossie continued. 'That's kind of you,' Norma replied. 'Good voice,' Lefty observed and Flossie and Hooky nodded in agreement. 'Do you have any previous experience in pictures?' Flossie asked. Norma explained that Bertha had once taken a photo of her and asked if that counted. Flossie said it did and Lefty made a note on the topmost of a sheet of forms that lay in front of him. 'And I was going to be fairy godmother in a pantomime until the theatre fell off the end of our pier,' Norma added. Lefty wrote, 'Some acting experience,' on the form. At this point Hooky tapped several times on the table. 'Our colleague was wondering if you'd be prepared to wear a d...