Cow Island

'I've seen it,' Captain Bill said. 'I was just on my way to the museum when a staple whizzed past and a balloon landed on me hat!' Norma put the flyer down. 'There must be lots of people involved in making a film,' Norma replied. 'I'm sure there are,' Captain Bill said. 'Some of them might be interested in rope,' Norma added. 'They might even want to make a film about the museum?' '.........................................................True!' Captain Bill mooed. 'And that's the only reason that you're suggesting for wanting to go?' 'Well,' Norma said. 'The words, 'free costumes, including hats' wouldn't be influencing you?' Norma had always had a problem with certain types of fibs. 'Possibly,' she replied, 'but it would be so lovely to have an adventure.' 'In your opinion,' Captain Bill said. 'And obviously,' Norma contin...

'Madness!' Captain Bill mooed. 'Could I suggest you keep your voice down?' Norma replied. 'If Bertha hears you...and you might want to take your hat off, it's clearly sticking up above the hedge.' Captain Bill did as Norma suggested. 'Madness!' he whispered. 'She's gone too far this time.' 'Look,' Norma replied, 'I'm really not interested in the rights and wrongs of it all, I just don't want to see anyone get hurt, that's all.' For a time Norma and Captain Bill stood in silence as they watched Bertha test firing the giant stapler. 'What's she firing them at anyway?' Captain Bill asked after a while. 'From here it looks like some sort of demented bovine! It's not Annie is it?' Norma hesitated. '......it's a kind of model.......a dummy.' 'Not very well made,' Captain Bill observed. 'The head's fallen off.' 'She's been having trou...

'Your mum's a diamond,' Flossie bleated. 'She's surprised even me this time,' Lefty replied. 'When we get home I'm going to get her...well...actually, what does your mum like?' 'I'm never sure,' Lefty sighed. 'She's very difficult to buy for. When they get to that age they never seem to want for much.' 'Well, whatever she decides on. She's saved our lives and no mistake.' 'I didn't know she could pilot a balloon. She's never mentioned it.' 'I bet there's a lot we don't know about your mum.' 'Possibly a lot I wouldn't want to know!' And Flossie and Lefty laughed. '.........................................................Pity we couldn't get everyone in,' Lefty said. 'We won't be abandoning them,' Flossie replied. 'I don't care how long it takes, we'll go back for them. We're a flock...a family. We'll be tog...

'On reflection,' bleated Flossie, 'it would have been more advantageous to have had Dave at the top.' 'He was very insistent,' replied Lefty, 'and there's no way the flock would have accepted the idea of you being at the bottom.' 'Kind,' said Flossie, 'but the whole stability thing is feeling distinctly suspect.' 'I could come down and swap with him,' suggested Lefty. 'Nice thought,' replied Flossie, 'but I think we're already committed. Another time perhaps.' 'If you're sure?' asked Lefty. 'Best if we just press on,' said Flossie. 'Hooky, what's out there?' Hooky tapped several times. 'I thought as much,' replied Flossie, 'and the guards?' Hooky tapped several times more. 'Curses!' said Flossie. 'Curses and several other mild expressions of frustration. They must have realised we've escaped.' 'We could rush th...

Helloooooooooooooooo! Norma (my best friend) once told me that pengimings can't fly. Sometimes Norma knows nothing! This is clearly being proven at the moment because Geraldine (top pengiming) is quite clearly having a good old fly right this very minute! Which means I'm having to have a good old run. Hopefully she'll decide to come down soon because my legs are getting shorter and shorter and are now in danger of being worn completely away. I wouldn't like that. Anyway, I'd best get going, who knows where it will all end. Clearly I mean that in a rescuing Geraldine type context and not in a wider, philosophical, deep thinking type sense. That sort of thinking can cause no end of problems and ruin several good breakfasts. Laters Annie PS I have decided to do something new and important...but you'll have to wait to find out what it is! : )

250 crates!' exclaimed Captain Bill. '250 crates!' 'Cases,' corrected Cyril, '250 cases. Wine is sold in cases.' 'I don't care!' replied Captain Bill, 'what I really care about is the fact that they're all in my name!' 'Well they have to have a name,' said Cyril, 'people won't deliver them without a name. The chap at the chateau was quite clear about that.' 'But it's MY name!' 'Just looks better on paper,' replied Cyril, 'has a sort of calm aire of authority about it. You should be proud of it. If I had a name that looked that good I'd be using it all the time.' 'But you are using it all the time!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Just proves how good a name it is,' replied Cyril. 'And just how did you, we, I pay for all of it?' Cyril looked puzzled. 'You know,' he replied, 'now you come to mention it...I'm not entirely sure I can recall.'

'Hopeless!' muttered Captain Bill. 'Absolutely hopeless!' 'Well that was the general opinion,' agreed Norma, 'perhaps if you'd given the order to take down the sail?' 'Well I didn't see the island did I!' mooed Captain Bill. 'That's because you had your eyes closed,' replied Norma. 'Anyway are you going to get down from there?' Captain Bill looked about him. 'Might need someone to lend a hoof,' he said. 'Well it will have to be me,' replied Norma, 'everyone else is busy.' 'Doing?' 'Cyril said something about checking a delivery note,' replied Norma, 'and I've asked Annie to keep an eye on where Geraldine is going and Horace is writing a poem for you just in case Bertha does decide to kill you.' 'Hmm, I suppose she's blaming me for this?' said Captain Bill.' 'I think everyone is,'replied Norma, 'and it might be a good idea to avoid Bert...

'So you must all take care and wrap up warm and try to avoid too much numptyness,' said Camille. 'I think I can speak for all of us when I say I'm sure we can manage the first two,' replied Captain Bill. 'And once again ma self and ma little students and Monsieur Former Mayor wish to thank you for saving us from the tiny 'ooves of the wicked pirate sheep,' continued Camille. 'Former Mayor?' asked Norma. ' 'e's like retired already,' explained Camille. 'Oh, I see!' said Norma. 'And you must all come back and pay us a proper visit,' said Camille. 'We will,' replied Bertha. 'And Annie dear,' said Camille, 'you will be just perfect I am sure!' And Annie did a quick dance, which isn't easy on a small boat. And with that Camille gave the Mootilus a push and all the minimoos waved their tails. On the Mootilus everyone waved and cheered and then waved and cheered again...and then did a bit ...

'So that is it?' said Camille. 'The end of our adventure?' 'It always feels a bit sad when it happens,' replied Norma, 'but you soon get over it.' 'And then you 'ave another?' asked Camille. 'It seems to be that way,' said Norma. 'I don't think myself or ma little students could take so much excitement,' replied Camille., 'I think all we want to do now is go 'ome and rest our 'ooves in some long wet grass.' 'Well we still have the Mootilus,' said Norma, 'and the pirate balloon, so we can give you a lift if you would like?' 'That would be most welcome,' said Camille. 'But,' called out Bertha who was herding past them, 'I'm afraid that might have to wait a while.' 'But why?' asked Camille. 'Because,' replied Annie, 'before we go any further there's one thing that we simply have to do!' 'And that is?' asked Camille. 'PARTY!!...

'Cooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!' called out Queen Phoebe. 'Over here!' shouted Bertha from the balloon. 'Are you all OK?' asked Queen Phoebe. 'Just one very minor injury,' replied Bertha. 'But I'm dying!' mooed Horace....but everyone ignored him. 'Excellent!' said Queen Phoebe. 'We think the sheep have had enough.' said Norma. And indeed they had, for as a result of the hole that Gertie had made in the bottom of it, the Mint Sauce was sinking fast. 'Abandon ship!' bleated Lefty. 'Spread out lads! Try to use more than one lifeboat!' called out Flossie from the Mootilus. But the flock ignored him and all clambered into the same one. 'They never listen!' said Flossie. 'How true,' agreed Captain Bill. 'Right,' said Queen Phoebe,'well if it's alright with everyone else, we'll pick up the evil little blighters first....only the press always like a few piccies of the cuffs going on a...

Right, hello, Bertha speaking, I'm up here in the balloon, you might just be able to see me? I have to say it's a very nice balloon, these pirates have a real sense of design and build quality. Anyway where doing our best to go as fast as possible...bit difficult in a balloon....which means the pirate sheep are catching us up! Now I'm all for turning around and taking them on...which as Norma pointed out is also a bit difficult to do when you're in a balloon. But rest assured if it comes to a fight I'll be there! Thankfully Camille's little students are as brave a herd as one could wish for and we'll be fully able to count on them as well. Just so long as it doesn't coincide with their nap time. I can also report that the Mootilus is on her way, trailing in 3rd place but with a sail up and going in the right direction...I'll leave you to decide what help that might be!!! Well what ever happens now, we'll give a good account of ourse...

'Nasty Pirate Sheep infested island approaching!' called out Bertha. 'Positions everyone!' mooed Norma. And everyone moved up next to the ropes that were suspending the Mootilus under the balloon. 'Wait for Geraldine's signal,' said Norma. Geraldine hopped up onto the hat boxes at the stern of the ship and peered overboard for a while, then she looked up at the balloon, then back at the Ocean........finally, suddenly, she jumped into the air and flapped her little wings. 'NOW!' mooed Norma. And the air was filled with the sound of teeth biting through ropes. The balloon floated free and the Mootilus, with a splash, landed in the sea. 'Perfect!' said Bertha. And the crew sat for a while and watched the balloon drift away. 'Bye, bye Mr Balloon!' mooed Annie. 'It's a shame to see it go,' said Norma,'but I'm sure they would have spotted us if we'd tried to land in it.' 'So,' asked Bertha,'is e...

In the still of the night the pirate balloon floated on. 'Right lads,' bleated Lefty,'careful now!' And another sheep pushed a small lever and the balloon sank lower. 'Island approaching! called out a 3rd sheep. 'Excellent!' muttered Lefty,'soon be home!' 'Erm! Excuse me!' said a sheep in a captain's hat. 'Excuse me, could I just come past, thank you.' And now he stood before Lefty. 'I was just wondering, would there be any chance that you could drop me off first?' 'Drop you off?' replied Lefty. 'Indeed,' said Captain Bill,'before you all get too involved with the whole arriving at your evil pirate lair thing...if you could just...divert a bit?' Lefty looked at Captain Bill. 'Have we met before?' he asked. 'No!' replied Captain Bill. 'No, no, not been aboard long really.' 'And now...you want to leave?' said Lefty. 'Well you know what it's like,' replie...

'This really is so very kind of you,' said Horace. 'Not at all!' replied Queen Phoebe,'we're just glad to be able to help.' 'WE?' gasped Norman. 'Only the sooner we get the balloon inflated...' continued Horace. 'Our pleasure!' replied Queen Phoebe. 'OUR?' panted Norman. 'It would have taken us forever otherwise,' added Horace. 'Well you can always rely on us,' replied Queen Phoebe. 'US?' trumpeted Norman. 'So the 2 sensible ones?' queried Queen Phoebe. 'Norma and Bertha?' replied Horace. 'Yes,' replied Queen Phoebe,'they would be?' 'A bit busy at the moment,' replied Horace. 'Right!' said Queen Phoebe. 'So they asked me if I could just make sure you were OK,' continued Horace. 'Fine! said Queen Phoebe. 'So have you read much poetry lately?' asked Horace. And for Queen Phoebe the next couple of hours went very, very slowly.

'You know,'reflected Norma,'the next time we suspect the involvement of pirate sheep, we might do no worse than take a quick tour around the nearest balloonidrome!' 'I feel such a fool!' said Bertha. 'You and me both!' replied Norma,'still on the plus side they should be easy to follow.' 'And at least it looks like Cyril and Captain Bill managed to stow themselves away,' said Bertha. 'Are you sure?' asked Norma. 'Well I can clearly see somebody wearing a Captain's hat,' replied Bertha. 'What's he doing?' asked Norma. 'He's trying to climb out!' replied Bertha. 'That'll be our Bill then,' said Norma And with that the 2 girls moved off. 'So hot pursuit it is then!' said Bertha as they both hurried towards the balloonidrome. 'Well, I suspect it'll be more of a 'winds light to variable' pursuit,' replied Norma,'but it should be fun while it l...

'Well he was a very nice man!' said Annie as she and Horace ambled along. 'Indeed!' replied Horace. 'He said my false beard was one of the best he'd ever seen,' continued Annie. 'And he liked my mustache,' added Horace. 'Did you twirl it?' asked Annie,'I never think a false mustache is a true false mustache unless you twirl it.' 'I did!' replied Horace,'and we found out some more about Ms Camille.' 'We've done very well!' replied Annie. And for a while they ambled on. 'So what do you think has actually happened to Ms Camille and her little students?' asked Horace after a while. Annie stopped and thought. 'On the whole,' she replied,'I'm leaning towards them having been eaten by giant killer giraffes.' 'Oh no!' exclaimed Horace,'don't say that, that's awful....almost nothing rhymes with giraffe!' 'How about a giant killer armchair?' ask...

'Down a bit,' called out Captain Bill,'down a bit more, up a bit, there that's it!' And Horace scratched a bit of Captain Bill's back. 'Well if you've sorted out your itch?' said Norma.'Perhaps you could lend a hoof in landing the balloon!' 'It looks a very nice island,' mooed Bertha. 'Yes,' replied Norma,'and I'm sure it must be the right place, what with all the flags and bunting!' 'There are people!' said Horace. 'Correct!' replied Norma. 'Will they explode if we touch them?' asked Annie. But Norma assured her that they wouldn't. 'What if we poke them with pointy sticks?' asked Annie. 'Probably best if you don't try,' said Norma. 'Now if we could all just concentrate on landing safely.' 'Would you like to take charge?' asked Captain Bill. But on reflection Norma decided that she'd manage.

'....don't run into some very thick cloud!' concluded Norma. 'Who said that?' asked Captain Bill. 'I did!' said Norma. 'Who said 'who said that'?' asked Cyril. 'Don't start,' replied Norma. 'Can anybody actually see anything?' asked Bertha. 'No!' said everyone else. 'Tricky!' said Captain Bill. 'I've found a lumpy bit!' mooed Annie. 'We could fall out you know!' replied Cyril. 'I don't think that anybody should try falling out of a balloon,' said Norma. And for a while everyone sat very still. 'Perhaps it'll clear soon?' suggested Horace. 'Possibly,' replied Norma. But it didn't. 'Right,' called out Bertha,'make way, I'm coming down!' Which is exactly what she did!

'But we're going back the way we came!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well I can't help that!' replied Norma. 'Are we going home then?' asked Annie. 'Not on purpose,' replied Norma.'But we have to go in the direction that the wind in blowing us.' 'Which direction is that exactly?' asked Captain Bill. 'I'm not really very sure,' replied Norma,' I think it's east and west.' Captain Bill drew in a sharp breath. 'Well you know my opinion about that!' he said. 'But as I keep telling you,' replied Norma,'we can't do anything about it!' 'What if we all leaned to one side?' suggested Horace. 'We'd all fall out!' replied Norma. 'Couldn't we row for a while?' said Captain Bill. 'Look!' replied Norma,'we just have to sit tight and wait. We're perfectly safe and we've still got plenty of food and we're not in any danger....just so l...

'Yes, right, yes, every thing's OK 'ere then!' said George. 'Yes,' agreed Norma,'and thank you so much for all your help.' 'No problem,' replied George.'Do you want another cup of tea before you leave?' Several hooves were raised but Norma said they really aught to get going. 'Only we're behind schedule as it is,' called down Bertha. So Norma and Captain Bill climbed into the balloon and the hose that was carrying the hot air was disconnected. 'Bye then,' said George and the balloon lifted slowly into the air. 'Well wasn't he a nice man!' said Norma as the floated higher. 'Weird!' replied Captain Bill. 'Not really,' said Norma. 'Was!' said Captain Bill. 'Well I didn't think so,' said Norma. So Captain Bill called for a show of tails. And Norma lost by five votes to one.