Cow Island

'So you see,' Captain Bill explained, 'it's got an anticlockwise triple twist with a thread insert.' 'Lovely! So what would you use it for?' Norma asked. 'Well, you would have used it for tying parcels, erecting very small tents and kite flying.' 'And other things?' 'No,' Captain Bill replied, 'just those things. String laws used to be incredibly strict.' 'Whoever knew!' 'Fascinating isn't it?' 'Mmmmm,' said Norma, 'and I'd love to stay for another 2 hours but...' 'I could lend you a few books if you'd like?' 'It's just time,' Norma replied, 'and talking of time, it had occurred to me...' 'There's a great introduction here somewhere...' 'That's it's been a while......' 'This is it, 'Tie A Knot In It'.' 'Since we've been on holiday.' Captain Bill stopped and looked at No...

'I don't think for a moment that they've actually eaten all the breakfasts,' said Norma. 'Hmm, but it would be more trouble than it's worth to prove it,' replied Bertha, 'and nobody will really mind calling in at King Otto's.' 'That's why I didn't bother checking with you,' said Norma. 'I thought you'd be happy to.' 'They used to have a very good wool stall on the market by the harbour,' replied Bertha, 'and I could do with some double knit.' 'What are you working on at the moment?' 'I'm not actually sure,' replied Bertha. 'I want to try to combine knitting with sculpture so this is more of a conceptual piece. I'm really just seeing where the needles take me. I've got some spare ones if you'd like to join in?' 'Another time,' said Norma. 'I don't like to be away too long.' 'How are things on deck?' asked Bertha. 'I...

Good morning everyone!  Now it's been a very long time since we had a chat but that's no excuse for allowing bad posture to creep in, so do sit up straight! How are you? Unlike some people I really am interested. Have you managed to do any studying? A course or two perhaps? Push the boundaries and never be afraid to fail! Now I'm reading the book on sculpture first, if I try knitting while my lovely captain is getting us underway I'll drop too many stitches. You might notice a few changes, I think the plants soften things up a little and the hat keeps the sun off as there's no shade at all up here. As for leaving the harbour, for those of you familiar with our escapades you might expect me to report that we've been going around in circles for the last few hours but interestingly I can report that we've also achieved several ovals, a square and a rhomboid! We've not actually hit anything as long as you don't include glancing blows and Ann...

'I've just popped down for a moment,' said Bertha, 'it's not as if we're even moving yet!' 'Well you shouldn't have!' replied Captain Bill, 'you're required to be at a constant state of high alert. What have you got with you anyway?' 'It's just a couple of books and some knitting,' explained Bertha. 'Fine!' replied Captain Bill, 'so when we're being boarded by hostile forces and I'm wondering why nobody saw them coming at least I'll know that it was in part because my lookout was trawling through the last couple of chapters of some cheap romance!' 'One's on the theory of sculpture and the other is on indexing problems in libraries,' said Bertha. 'Wonderful!' replied Captain Bill, 'well I shall be able to draw some small measure of comfort when pierced through with cutlasses that you weren't completely wasting your time...and the knitting?' 'Noth...

'The thing about your top stars,' explained Cyril, 'you need to limit their public appearances...helps to create a bit of mystic about them.' 'Hmm,' said Norma, 'just so long as it's in her best interest.' 'Would I consider anything else?' asked Cyril. Norma looked at Cyril. 'You know,' she said, 'a thought just occurred to me.' 'And?' asked Cyril. 'Geraldine did actually write this didn't she?' 'On that matter you may rest easy,' replied Cyril. 'She and Annie came to me with the first four chapters already written.' 'Annie as well!' mooed Norma. 'Well someone had to do the translation,' replied Cyril. 'But she never said anything to me,' said Norma. 'Annie can keep a secret if she needs to,' replied Cyril, 'she's far cleverer than anyone gives her credit for.' 'Well I know that,' agreed Norma, '...but still....' 'She's fine...

Morning all! Now do try to sit up straight while you're reading this. Are you well? I do hope so, if not take some exercise and remember to eat sensibly. I've not much to report, we seem to be sailing along quite well at the moment, possibly because Geraldine is making most of the navigational decisions. As a result I'm managing to get some reading done. This is welcome for two reasons, firstly it's a fine book and secondly because when I'm finished with it I'll have something to throw at 'ma brave Capitaine'....well it makes a change from telling him that we're being chased by pirates. Right, just time for another couple of chapters before 5th breakfast. Enjoy your day and try to achieve something. Bertha

'No,' said Captain Bill, 'I've not seen him.' 'Humpf!' mooed Bertha. 'When I catch him!' 'He's probably laying low,' replied Captain Bill, 'well as low as he can get...which would still make him unhealthily large.' 'The book's completely ruined,' added Bertha. 'Surprised he left any of it,' replied Captain Bill, 'still that's the sort of thing that happens when you get someone who's insensitive to the feelings of others. Now what do you think of that?' And he held up something. 'What is it?' asked Bertha. 'It's a parcel,' replied Captain Bill, 'I'm sending it to Camille, I wrapped it myself.' 'Well full marks for taking responsibility,' replied Bertha. 'Only she sent me a sort of card thing,' said Captain Bill, 'for Valentine's day.' 'Right,' said Bertha, 'and you're trying to discourage her from sending anything else?...

'You really shouldn't have,' said Norma. Annie looked at her. 'Books are important things,' said Norma. Annie looked at her. 'And you wouldn't want to set a bad example to your little students would you?' said Norma. Annie poked her tongue out at Norma. 'You're impossible sometimes!' said Norma. Annie thought about this for a while and then nodded her head. 'Life would be boring if we were all the same,' she said, 'and the trifle was very tasty.' 'But it was only a picture!' mooed Norma. 'You have to use your imagination sometimes,' replied Annie, '...or possibly all the time.' 'That's fine,' said Norma, 'but there is a thing called reality.' Annie looked at her. 'So did you want to go for a paddle then?' asked Norma. 'Yippee!' shouted Annie and she stampeded off towards the beach.

'Miss Bertha's quite quick on her hooves isn't she?' said Annie. 'Always kept herself very trim,' replied Cyril. 'You would have thought she'd be happy to have people borrowing books from her library.' 'I can't understand her behaviour at all!' replied Cyril. 'So how long have you taken it out for?' asked Annie. 'Erm,' replied Cyril, 'to be honest I'm not sure, it depends in part on whether she catches us up.' 'She does seem to be gaining on us,' mooed Annie. 'Really?' said Cyril. 'In that case I'd suggest having a nibble as we go.....would you prefer a picture of a trifle or a recipe for a chocolate cake?' 'Trifle please,' replied Annie. So Cyril tore a page from the book and Annie ate it.

'You're banned!' said Bertha. Cyril looked hurt. 'I'm hurt,' he said. 'Take one step around this side of the desk and you will be,' warned Bertha. 'We're here for my benefit,' said Annie, 'Mr Sir Cyril of Nommingshire is merely present as a friend.' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'so what are you looking for?' 'I'm in search of works which will help to provide me with a greater understanding of the requirements of a person who is contemplating embarking on a career within the teaching establishment with particular reference to cultivating an all round holistic approach,' said Annie. 'I'm not sure I've got anything that specific,' replied Bertha. 'Then I'll have a green one about elves,' mooed Annie and she did a little dance. 'I'll have a look,' replied Bertha. Cyril nudged Annie. 'Also,' said Annie, 'I, me, on my own, was wondering if you had any books about food?...

'And if you tie books to your horns overnight the words fall into your head.' 'Really?' asked Cyril. 'Really,' replied Annie, 'but you have to get up very slowly in the morning otherwise the words get all jumblified.' 'Well that's fine with me,' said Cyril, 'I've never been in favour of rushing to get up.' 'I wouldn't be surprised if you could become a professor by the end of the year,' added Annie. 'I think I might be already,' replied Cyril, 'I forget which certificates I've printed off.' 'Ooooooh!' mooed Annie. 'Look! Tulips!' 'Very nice,' said Cyril, 'it makes you feel as if winter really is coming to an end and that brighter, warmer, longer days are just around the corner...let's eat them.' 'Yippee!' said Annie.

Norma and Captain Bill arrived at the library. For some reason Bertha was still wearing her safety goggles? 'Good morning!' said Norma. 'Morning!' replied Bertha,'will you be long? Only I'm in the middle of a bit of sculpture.' 'I noticed you were still wearing your safety goggles,' said Norma. 'Well you never know when a sharp object might fly through the air,' replied Bertha and she smiled at Captain Bill. 'We'll try to be as quick as we can,' said Norma,'we just wondered whether you might have some books that would help Captain Bill?' Bertha agreed to have a rummage. 'This one's new!' she said, holding up a thin blue hard backed book. 'It's about understanding fortified wine. It's called 'Know your PORT!'.' 'And you have to shout the last word do you?' asked Norma. 'I like to!' replied Bertha. 'I don't think that one's for us,' said Norma. ...

'Nothing?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha. 'Nothing at all?' asked Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha for a second time. 'But how many did you find?' '17 books, 12 magazines and 4 pamphlets,' said Bertha. 'And there's nothing about rope in any of them?' mooed Captain Bill. 'No!' said Bertha yet again, 'there is a magazine article on parcels....you can see a ball of string in the corner of one of the photos!' 'I'll have that then,' said Captain Bill after a pause. 'Have you got your library card?' asked Bertha. 'Oh Udders!' said Captain Bill. But at that moment Norma came herding up to them. 'Hello!' she said. 'Hello,' replied Bertha and Captain Bill. 'How are we all?' asked Norma. 'Fine!' they both replied. 'Wonderful!' said Norma. 'Captain Bill's going to look at a picture of string,' said Bertha. 'Oh how nice!...

Morning all, I do wish I could fly you all over for a while! Someone to pick up the other bag for me would be most helpful and the rest of you could help me to collect any books or magazines. Now I must be honest and say that the Cow Island library has not had the attention that it deserves of late. What with all that travelling and then with Ms Camille and her students. But a couple of days of hard work will soon put thing right and the first thing we need to do is to sort out all of the new books. There's been quite a lot washed up over the past few months. The first thing to do is put the library stamp on them and then we can hang them up to dry. Then we'll need to sort out any that have pictures of food and hide them before Cyril eats them! After that we can sort out the rest. I've already spotted quite a few that people will want to borrow. Norma likes a good romance and there's an illustrated guide to the history of depressing poetry that Horace will simply bite h...