Cow Island

'Ooooooh! I hate it when he does that!' moaned Captain Bill. 'I think it's rather sweet,' replied Norma. 'If he thinks he can do what he likes during the rest of the year and then make up for it by buying up loads of presents and giving them out to small children....!' '....then he's a very good judge of my character at least!' said Norma. So for a while Captain Bill and Norma stood and watched as Santa Cyril gave out presents to anyone who wanted them. 'Are we sure it's not just a tax dodge?' asked Captain Bill. 'Positive!' replied Norma,'Cyril doesn't dodge tax, he stampedes straight through it. He's only used the money that Annie and Geraldine made from their busking and I've got a very strong feeling that both of them knew exactly what they were doing!' 'Makes a change!' said Captain Bill. 'And Queen Phoebe's happy because she thinks that she can get the press to run a little article and...

Morning all, Bertha here! First of all are you wrapping up warm? Hats, scarves and hoof mittens, that's the order of the day! Now it's very easy to get carried away when you're doing your Christmas shopping, so it's vital that you make a list...and then stick to it! Some people (Norma) tend to start out being quite sensible about things and then get caught up in a veritable blizzard of buying! I write down all the names of the people that I have to buy for and then think of 3 presents for each person. 1 sensible present, 1 silly present and then a little extra prezzie because I like to do that sort of thing. But do remember not to go spending more than you can afford, that won't do at all! Of course the next thing to do is wrap them up. This needs to be done with good quality paper and little bits of ribbon. Make sure that you make sharp creases in your paper and don't skimp on the sticky tape. Then add a tag and you're done! Right, I've just got a few m...

'Yes,' said Norma,'but are you really sure you need one?' 'Everyone needs a cheese grater!' replied Annie,'I even got a miniature one for Geraldine.' 'Wonderful!' said Norma. 'And it's good quality one,' continued Annie,'it's even got a little hole in it so you don't lose your cheese once it's been grated! Our agent has said that we could offer to grate peoples Christmas cheeses for them and attract there attention by pinging the grating wires.' 'Right,' said Norma,'and your agent would be Cyril?' 'Mr Cyril!' corrected Annie,'he says if we're good at it he might arrange a world wide stadium grating tour for early next year, grating to crowds of up to 15 people at a time....this could be our ticket to fame and grated cheese.' 'Hmmm,' said Norma,'I've just got to nip off for a last couple of presents and then maybe I'll try to find Mr Cyril and have a qu...

'Hello!' said Norma. 'Oh, hello!' replied Captain Bill. 'Have you found anything yet?' asked Norma, who seemed to be carrying a VERY large satchel. 'Not really,' replied Captain Bill,'you know there isn't a single stall selling Christmas rope!' 'That's a shame,' said Norma, 'but I thought the idea was really about buying Christmas presents for the others. I've managed to pick up a couple of bits so far. I got little note book for Horace and some soap for Annie in the shape of a string quartet!' 'Excellent!' said Captain Bill. 'So have you got anything yet for Bertha?' asked Norma and Captain Bill looked particularly troubled. 'There was a chisel sharpening set a couple of stalls back,' he replied. 'That's not very feminine,' said Norma. 'Well she does sculpture!' replied Captain Bill,'they'd be useful! Anyway, what do you buy the woman who criticises everything?' ...

'Is it open yet?' asked Annie. 'Not quite,' said Norma. 'Now?' asked Annie. 'Nearly,' said Norma. 'Now?' asked Annie. And Norma was just about to reply when Queen Phoebe got to her feet and spoke. 'Right, are we all 'ere?' she asked. And everyone who was there said they were. 'Jolly good!' said Queen Phoebe with a smile. 'Now we are 'ere so my hubbie, King Otto, this is 'im, aint he lovely, retorical question...so my hubbie can open up the KING OTTO, just needed to emphasis that point, Grand Christmas Handmade Don't Forget To Leave Him A Prezzie Type Fair. You are of course, free to have a shufti and part yourselves from the folding and if anyone asks what you think of it, say nice things because you never know if it's the press what you're talking to and they'll take any opportunity to tuck us up like a kipper, right get on with it!' And without waiting for King Otto to cut the ribbon, Queen Ph...

You've missed him! (no you have), He's back with a Yo Ho Ho! Iiittttttttttt'ssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Morning my little chumlettes, Tis the season to be full of Christmas Pud! Have you missed me? Silly question! You'll note I've notched up on the handsomeness...and it's all just for you! Now, as you're no doubt aware, even a most succesful product can sometimes do with a bit of rebranding. So I'd like to be the first to invite you to 'Cyril's Christmas Fair'! Come along, buy, sell, just leave some money or a cake, you're all welcome! To save confusion, best to deal with yours truly only. You'll find me around the back of the castle and possibly down the sides at the same time, I tend to get around a bit...actually I tend to get a bit rounder with every passing day! Take care and remember, if you can't get here you can always put a prezzie in the post, there's still time! Your Pal Cyril

Morning all, your Captain speaking. I think it's reasonable to suggest that I'm not quite my usual sunny, positive self. I like a traditional Christmas. At home! You know the sort of thing, waking up early, snow on the ground, presents around the tree, a log fire, a glass of vintage grass port......trying to find half a mince pie that Cyril hasn't eaten! Arguing with Bertha..... Trying to get Annie out the tree.... More arguing with Bertha... Fighting to get the bottle back off of Norma... Bertha etc, etc........ Horace's Christmas Poem (actually quite good) Ber...Oh, you've got the picture.... Maybe Christmas at King Otto's isn't such a bad idea! It was far too late to get the veggies on anyway! Captain Bill