Cow Island

'Appreciating that the crown does have pointy bits AND that there really should be a handrail of some sort but, all things considered,....RUN!!!!' Flossie shouted. And so he and Lefty picked up the sack between them and headed back down the old cliff path just as fast as they could. 'CRUNCH!!!!' went a noise behind them and a giant staple zipped over Flossie's head. 'That could have had someones eye out!' Lefty cried. 'And I don't have any to spare!' Flossie replied. 'CRUNCH!!!!' went the noise again and a second staple bounced off of the rocks below them. 'Where are we heading for?' Lefty called out. 'Not sure,' Flossie shouted back. 'We can decide once we're at the bottom.' 'Not far to go now!' Lefty said. And, despite the danger, Flossie stopped them running and they paused for a moment.  'Odd, isn't it,' he observed, 'how it always seems so much quicker on the ...

'PIRATE SHEEP!!!!' Queen Phoebe cried. 'That's what Bertha and I said,' Norma replied. 'But they looked so convincing!'  'True,' Norma continued, and here she took a crude drawing out from her hatband, 'but if you take that director chappie and remove his beret and monocle and add a speech bubble saying, 'Har! Har! Har!'.' 'FLOSSIE!!!!' Queen Phoebe wailed. 'It was the perfect disguise,' Norma conceded, 'and none of us need to feel in the least bit guilty that we didn't see through it at an earlier opportunity.' 'And they have One's crown!' Queen Phoebe sobbed. 'We'll do everything we can to get it back,' Norma assured her. 'Oh, when his Kingshipfulness gets to hear of it!'  'I realise it's not good news,' Norma mooed. 'The news!!!!' Queen Phoebe cried. 'It'll be front page time and pullout specials!!!!' 'But if we ...

'Well, I never knew that!' Flossie bleated. 'A flock of pancakes! Who'd have thought it?' 'I would have gone for coven,' Lefty said. 'A bankruptcy would be more appropriate,' Flossie sighed. 'And there's several dozen family sized cakes, 24 bowls of sugar and a swimming pool of ice cream on the same bill,' Lefty added. 'We haven't hired a coach full of very thin people at some point?' Flossie asked. 'No,' Lefty replied, '......I checked.' 'Oh well,' Flossie said. 'If the newly improvised diabolically fiendish plan works we can still break even.' 'Needs to,' Flossie replied. 'Is the Mint Sauce ready to sail?' 'I've sent Harriet and Slightly Threatening Dave down to make sure,' Lefty said. 'Top choice!' Flossie bleated. 'We'll need everyone ready. It'll come down to split second timing. The whole flock will need to play their p...

'Just a shed full of manky old bits of rope,' Lefty explained. 'Really?' Flossie replied. 'The flock doesn't scare easily but the general opinion is that it must have belonged to a complete nutter!' 'Shame!'  'It was only Slightly Threatening Dave who was prepared to go in there on his own.' 'Top pirate!' 'So, I've had it all cleared out and thrown away.' 'Well,' Flossie mused, 'at least it helps to explain who we sold all of that rope to.' 'Which reminds me,' Lefty said, 'been asked to say, everyone wanted to congratulate you on 'The Small Island Supply Company'. Possibly your most despicable idea yet.' 'It wasn't a bad one was it, although I couldn't have managed it without your administrative skills,' Flossie bleated. 'and how else where we going to find out the addresses of all those islands that we needed to steal.' 'And now we...

'Har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, har, me hearties!...Actually, I may have gone on a bit there,' said Flossie. 'Sounded fine to me,' Lefty replied. 'Really?' Flossie asked. 'Only I've not done any har, hars for a while and I sort of got carried away.' 'Helps to establish your character though,' Lefty suggested. 'So it does!' Flossie agreed. 'Right, on with the plot?' 'I think so,' said Lefty. 'Ah, me lucky lads and lasses,' Flossie continued, 'Har, har etc, etc. Why bother plundering ships when you can steal whole islands!' 'Well, actually, it does create quite a lot more paperwork,' Lefty replied. 'Does it?' said Flossie. 'That hadn't occurred to me. Meant it as a rhetorical question but now we're here, are you OK with the new found pressure or should we be recruiting some temporary extra admin staff? Hours and rem...

'Is that.....?' asked Cyril. 'It's nesting,' replied Bertha. 'I'm fine about it!' said Captain Bill. 'And he looks all scratched,' added Cyril. 'Not now!' said Norma and she gave Cyril a smile. 'So what have you found?' 'Ta da!' said Cyril and he stepped back to reveal Geraldine and a something that looked completely unlike Geraldine. 'What is it?' asked Captain Bill. 'Well,' replied Cyril, 'I'm no expert in these things but it looks to me like a demented person's attempt at a penguin costume.' Everyone had a good look. 'It's not at all well made,' said Norma. 'Very poor,' agreed Bertha. 'In the cold harsh light of day I'd be forced to agree with you,' replied Cyril, 'but in the early hours of the morning, in the middle of an alcohol fuelled, post award ceremony, penguin filled party?' 'It becomes a veritable masterpiece of a disguise!' exclaim...

'We shouldn't be here!' whispered Captain Bill. 'I know,' replied Norma,'and normally I wouldn't do this sort of thing...but needs must!' 'But we're breaking into the organisers tent!' said Captain Bill,'what are we going to say if we get caught?' 'We'll say we got lost and took a wrong turn,' replied Norma as she looked around. 'And just accidentally cut open the back of their tent and rifled through the entire contents of their private correspondence?' questioned Captain Bill. 'These things happen!' replied Norma,'but anyway we won't get caught. Annie and Bertha are outside and Cyril and Horace are on the flanks and Geraldine's got a little drum to bang if anyone gets too close.' 'I have to say, for an honest person you seem to have got this very well organised!' said Captain Bill. 'I employed a consultant,' replied Norma,'but don't worry, I've foun...

'Hopeless, absolutely hopeless!' said Bertha. 'Look for the last time,' replied Captain Bill,'it was NOT my fault!' Norma and Bertha both looked at Captain Bill. 'Well I tried to warn you!' he continued,'I said it had an aggressive look about it, but did anybody listen!' 'It was unexpectedly strong for a fish!' said Norma. 'Hopeless!' mooed Bertha. 'We do have other spoons,' said Norma,'perhaps you could try again?' 'Hmm,' replied Captain Bill,'I think if it's all the same to you I'll pass. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it didn't have whole canteens of cutlery stuffed away somewhere! Probably been building up a collection for years!' 'Right then!' said Bertha and with that she left the other two and herded off down towards the pier. 'If you want something doing!' she called back towards them as she went. 'Well you tried!' said Norma after she'd gone. ...