Cow Island

'And fish,' Annie continued, 'almost never wear shoes, which is because shoe builders don't put enough sequins on them.' Annie paused and waited for Captain Eyepatch to say something profound.  After 11.3 minutes she found the silence too much. Octopipus.....Octipup.........Octoberpus......eight legged wobbly water things don't wear shoes either but that's just a protest over prices because they don't earn much because people don't give them jobs because they're not wearing shoes......................Underwater shoe emporia are also very rare.' Again Annie paused. From the bit in her head that she called Memoryland she recalled that this would normally be about the time that Captain Bill would tell her to shut up. But this time he didn't. Annie did a short dance. 'And people worry too much about things they can't do anything about but they'd be better off either doing something positive to influence the situat...

Captain Bill wondered whether he would regret having the conversation. He looked at Annie. He began to speak but hesitated. He began to speak for a second time but again he hesitated. 'That....that is a roll of wallpaper that you've got wrapped around you?' Annie did a little dance which Captain Bill took to be a confirmation. 'And that....thing on your head....is it real?' 'If you think it is,' Annie replied. 'And the whole ensemble is because?' 'Norma Nice Person asked me to dress like a rich tourist and then hide myself in a bush.' 'Even when you know!' Captain Bill muttered. 'Is there a problem?' Annie asked. 'Your call is important to us.' 'There are so many things,' Captain Bill replied. 'And the other half of the double act? Norma dropped you off together I believe?' 'If you mean Sir Lord Cyril VC and Snack Bar?' 'Yes,' Captain Bill interrupted, 'him. ...

'It's genuine,' mooed Norma, 'apparently she's been studying for a while now.' 'But!' said Captain Bill. 'And she finished top of her class.' 'But!' said Captain Bill. 'Very straight hat!' observed Bertha. 'I thought that,' replied Norma. 'I think it's so nice when someone achieves something.' 'But!' said Captain Bill. 'And she got special mentions for navigation, deck ironing and hornpipe dancing.'  added Norma. And on cue Geraldine performed a particularly fine hornpipe. 'Didn't you fail hornpipe?' asked Bertha. 'It wasn't an essential!' replied Captain Bill. 'There were far more important things. Anyway, I dare say it's a heck of a lot easier when you've only got two legs. You try doing it with four hooves in a Force Eight. They should never have gone ahead with it under those conditions. I could easily have lost a horn.' '...

'So me and Mr Sir Lord Cyril of Tenbreakfastsaren'tenoughshire are convinced we can get them even higher still!' said Annie. 'Glad to see you haven't just been wasting your time on something frivolous!' replied Norma. 'We wouldn't dream of it,' mooed Annie. 'It's the base width that matters most and you mustn't put too much grass in early on or the pressure from the upper layers squeezes all the juice out and makes them go soggy which results in instability.' Norma nodded her head. 'You seem to have taken sandwich design to a whole new level...in a quite literal sense!' 'Well we just like a challenge,' mooed Annie. 'Indeed!' replied Norma. 'And speaking of challenges I must be getting on.' 'Only after you've finished your sandwiches,' suggested Annie, 'or you may fall over due to lack of sandwicheness.' 'True,' replied Norma, 'but I really do need to get ...

'Bertha!' mooed Norma. 'Mmmmm?' said Bertha. 'S'all dark!' 'Tis,' said Bertha. Bertha!' said Norma. 'Mmmmm?' said Bertha. 'Whattimeisit?' '2011.' 'So....did we....did we have a party then...to celebrate the New Year?' 'I think we must have!' replied Bertha. 'Bertha!' called Norma. 'Mmmmm?' 'I....I can't feel my hooves.' 'Must have been dancing,' suggested Bertha. 'Naughty hooves!' mooed Norma. 'Although that would account for where the gramophone is.' 'Where's that?' asked Bertha. 'I'd rather not say,' replied Norma. 'Bertha!' said Norma. 'Mmmmm?' replied Bertha. 'If...if I have a little nap...would you wake me up?' 'When?' asked Bertha. 'April,' said Norma.

From the brass horn of the gramaphone small musical notes bobbed and weaved their way out into the open air and moved with effortless easy around the bodies of the swaying guests. Annie danced with Geraldine, Cyril danced with the Calves and Horace danced on his own..but hoped for better things. And down below them, with drinks and cakes and pleasant conversation stood Bertha, Camille, Norma and Captain Bill. 'You know,' said Camille, 'I think this must be the best party I 'ave ever been to!' 'Really?' asked Captain Bill. 'Why yes!' replied Camille, 'there is music and dancing and cake....and more cake..................and even more cake!' 'Well, we aim to please,' said Captain Bill and he offered Camille another slice of cake. 'Actually,' continued Camille,' I must be honest with you all...and this will make you laugh, but before the party started I was a little bit worried about what it would be like. I know you will fin...