Cow Island

'OK!' said Horace, 'that's the pillow off, now to put your hat on.' 'Please be careful,' pleaded Norma. 'Of course I will,' replied Horace, '...if you can just tilt your head slightly?' 'I'd rather not,' said Norma. 'Well I can't lean over any further,' replied Horace. Norma moved her head...very, very slightly. 'I think it's really going to need to be more than that,' said Horace. And he tried to catch the hat onto one of Norma's horns. 'Ow!' said Norma. 'Sorry,' said Horace. 'Well just be careful!' mooed Norma. 'Look!' said Horace, 'It's not my fault! You could try to stop this from happening in the first place.' 'That's not fair,' replied Norma, 'I'm pretty sure I only had one drink at the awards and then one more later at the party.' 'Rubbish!' said Horace. 'You know what you were!' 'Psst!' said a voice from ...

'Oooooooooooh! Well done!' mooed Norma. 'That's Most Orange Feet and Best Penguin in a Non Penguin Environment,' said Bertha. 'Go Geraldine!' shouted Norma. 'Errrrr?' said Horace. 'What?' said Norma. 'People looking,' said Horace. Norma turned and waved at a few penguins....who waved back. 'What's next?' asked Norma. 'Most Black and White Penguin,' replied Bertha. 'Go Geraldine!' shouted Norma. 'She not actually nominated for this one,' pointed out Bertha. 'Well she should be,' replied Norma. 'Pengimings!' mooed Annie. 'Oh! There's Cyril,' said Bertha. 'Where?' said Norma. 'Over there with Geraldine,' said Bertha. 'You have to say he looks good all dressed up,' said Norma. 'Go Cyril!' 'I agree,' replied Bertha. 'Go Cyril!' 'Pengimings!' mooed Annie. 'This bottle's empty,' said Norma. 'Waiter!' cal...

'Psst!' said Norma. 'What?' said Captain Bill. 'I just thought you'd like to know,' said Norma, 'Bertha and I think you're doing a grand job.' 'Wonderful!' exclaimed Captain Bill, 'a real comfort!' 'I don't think there's any need for that tone,' mooed Bertha. 'And Geraldine's just won Most Orange Feet,' added Norma. 'Fine!' said Captain Bill. 'Look!' said Norma. 'I did try to warn you about this. I said you were making a rod for your own back.' 'Well I thought if I just served that first one,' replied Captain Bill. 'But now they're all convinced you're a waiter,' said Norma. 'Did you mention table 3?' asked Bertha. 'Oh no!' replied Norma, 'and table 3 need more nibbles.' 'Well they'll have to wait!' hissed Captain Bill. 'Bit rude!' replied Norma, 'by the way, Bertha and I were wondering....any tips?' ...

'Norma!..........Norma!' called out Camille,'.............Norma, Norma, Norma!' 'Bonjour!' replied Norma sleepily. 'Oh! Thank you!' said Camille. 'Mon pleasurable,' replied Norma. 'Norma,' asked Camille,'Norma, Norma, Norma......why is little Etienne all upside down?' 'Sorrydon'tknow!' replied Norma. '..............................................................................OK!' said Camille. 'Norma,' said Camille. 'Bonjour deux,' said Norma. 'Ma 'ooves ache!' said Camille. 'That'llbethedancing,' said Norma. 'Oh!' said Camille. 'Norma,' said Camille. 'Oui?' said Norma. 'You know that you and Bertha and Annie and 'orace and Cyril and Capitaine Bill and Geraldine....you are ma bestest friends.' 'Sverykindofyoutosayso,' said Norma. 'Norma,' said Camille. But Norma didn't answer because she had fallen asleep again.

Morning all! Do try to sit up straight when you're reading this. I thought that being a lookout on a balloon would be the same as on a ship. Wrong! For a start off you can't see much more than the rest of the crew because the balloon gets in the way. Also you can't see much of the crew, which is reducing my shouting opportunities no end! But there are some positive points. You don't actually have to sit in the basket because the balloon supports you, so I'm having a very comfy time. And being up this high means that you can get a pretty good tan! So I'm passing the time by relaxing and having a few drinks. If the whole journey goes like this I think I could get used to it! Take care and try to do 3 useful things every day. Bertha

'Oh, that looks interesting!' said Norma. 'It's an old dandelion brandy,' replied Cyril,'I thought it might be worth taking.' 'I'm sure it will be,' replied Norma,'and all of this is just for the journey?' 'That's right,' replied Cyril,'I believe the main selection has already been loaded.' 'OK,' said Norma,'well I may have to take the bottles out of the case. I think it might be easier to fit them around the third group of emergency travelling fruit cakes. Just leave it with me and I'll sort it out the best I can.' 'Excellent,' replied Cyril,'....has anybody done a quality check on the cakes?' 'They'll be fine!' mooed Norma. 'Next please!' And Horace trotted forward. 'It's just this,' he said and passed over a satchel full of different papers and pencils and a small roll of parchment. 'Right oh!' said Norma,'I'll try to ma...

It's Thursday! You know he's here! It'ssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morning chums! Cuddly Cyril here! Bon viveur and registered charity...give now and make me happy, it's as simple as that! You catch me in the act (steady now!) of sending off a few tax deductable samples to my new found student, wee Blanche. A carefully selected half dozen bottles of Cyril's best for her to try. An educated palette is a good thing and it's never too early to start learning. Should any of you out there wish to buy a few cases just drop me a line and a large cheque and I'll get Annie to blow the balloons up. Buy 3 cases and I guarantee that at least one will actually have something in it! Chateau Cyril..the one you can trust! Right, just time to fit in a quick snackette before 7th breakfast. Until we meet again! Cyril

'But you agreed,' said Cyril, 'just one quick drink.' 'But that's not one drink!' replied Captain Bill 'and you knew it wouldn't be.' 'I just chose at random,' said Cyril 'I had no way of knowing it was going to be this big.' 'Rubbish!' replied Captain Bill 'It's obvious that you've been in before.' 'Never!' said Cyril. 'Then how do you explain the pricing of the drinks?' pointed out Captain Bill. 'Small, medium, large and Cyril!' 'Admiral Cyril,' corrected Cyril and he held up the list and pointed at the word Admiral. 'And,' continued Captain Bill,'we're sitting at the 'Admiral' Cyril table in the 'Admiral' Cyril lounge and you've just been served from a cocktail shaker that's engraved 'Personal Property of Admiral Cyril and,' and here Captain Bill raised his voice, 'you're not a proper Admiral!' 'You do seem to...

Cyril, handsome, charming, witty and paying me to write this for him! He is also a first class food critic, owner of numerous off island holding companies, a doctor, lawyer and (this is what he's most proud of) capable of poking Horace with a pointy stick. Cyril will be your pal; the rates are weekly or monthly (your choice). If you want it, Cyril has it and is willing to sell it to you. Do you have a very large triple decker Victoria sponge cake? Actually, no you don't, because Cyril spotted it half an hour ago... sorry about that! Cyril, available now on Etsy ... unless he's hacked my account and moved the money.