Cow Island

'And then,' said Captain Bill, 'these people turned up, inspectors they called themselves.' 'Well look,' interrupted Camille, 'I'm like not objecting to 'earing your entire life story but I'm thinking now is maybe not the best time!' 'But the point is,' continued Captain Bill, 'the point is....' 'The point is we 'ave a pirate ship to capture!' said Camille. 'Erm?' said Captain Bill. 'There isn't no 'erming' about it,' said Camille, 'now 'ow do we make Monsieur Mootilus go faster? That's what I'd like to know!' 'You don't know?' asked Captain Bill. 'Why should I?' said Camille. 'Well you managed to put the sail up,' said Captain Bill, 'and you're steering.' 'Well any fool could manage that much!' mooed Camille. '......Actually,' said Captain Bill.

'Well yes, I grant you, in retrospect, it would have been a good idea to have asked them where they left the Mootilus,' said Captain Bill. 'You know, I think this is just the sort of numptyness that Norma tried to warn me about!' replied Camille. 'Well not to worry,' said Captain Bill,'Cyril won't take long to find it.' ''e 'as some idea where it might be?' asked Camille. 'No,' replied Captain Bill,'but he has a nose, that and the knowledge that there'll be at least one tin of tin of emergency cake onboard.' 'BURP!' said Cyril from a distance. 'He's found it!' said Captain Bill and he and Camille set off in the direction of the sound. 'So soon we will be underway!' mooed Camille as they herded along. 'Should be!' replied Captain Bill. ''Excellent!' said Camille.'You know I may have been a little bit 'ard on you over this 'hole escaping thing but now ...

'And they say it's got claws the size of cups!' 'Lads, lads,' said Flossie,'lads, there's no such thing as a weresheep.' 'Lads are very spooked now Flossie,' suggested Lefty. 'That's what happens when you don't stick together!' called out a sheep from the back. 'But lads,' continued Flossie,'actually if you could just give me a bit more room, thank you. Lads, they just imagined it, they must have!' 'Not sure the lads feel reassured,' added Lefty. 'Aye!' called out another sheep,'and if there's no such thing...how comes Lefty's suddenly got that scar on his face?' Flossie looked dumbfounded. 'Suddenly got that scar on his face?!?' he exclaimed,'but he's had it for years now! You know he has! As I recall it got it while we were trying to board that ship full of scythes....we really should have done more research before attempting that.' 'No, no,' repli...

The 3 pirate sheep sat quietly beneath the balloon. They would have been happier if there had been more of them or possibly the whole flock but Flossie had promised them it would be OK. And it should have been. Until the arrival of...... 'Helloooooooo!' said Annie. The sheep looked at each other and then nodded towards Annie. 'That's a very nice looking balloon you're guarding,' continued Annie. And again the sheep nodded in response. 'Are you...on your own?' asked one of the sheep. Annie looked around her. 'I think so,' she replied,'unless there's a Pengiming hiding in my disguise!' and her gave her head a little shake to see if anything fell out. 'Right,' said one of the sheep, who began to look a little nervous,'and you're not bothered about that?....being on your own.' 'Hmmmmmmmmmmm?' said Annie,'I suppose not, it happens quite a lot. I should think the only things that I'm afraid of wou...

Morning all! Your Captain speaking... I knew she'd want to get things off her horns! What is it with Bertha? Jealousy? I suppose we can't all be gifted with the qualities of top notch decision making. Still now I've cleared the air we should be able to move forward in a spirit of friendliness and cooperation...or as much as Bertha can muster. Norma has suggested that we lay low until tonight and then make our way back out via Cyril (if you see what I mean) for a rendezvous with the others and I'm pleased to say that that turns out to be exactly the same as my idea. It also has the advantage of being nice and simple without the need of gliders and suchlike. Which means I've got just enough time to sort out one other problem that's being bothering me... Well enjoy your day! Captain Bill

Hello everyone, Norma here! As you might already have seen yesterday, the good news is that we're up and away. The bad news is that the sheep, together with Cyril and Captain bill, are just a speck on the horizon. We're doing everything we can to put on some speed but it's not going to be easy. In further news, Queen Phoebe has set sail. Her Queenladyship is going via home to pick up her hubbie (isn't he lovely) and will then catch us up. She did offer to leave Norman with us but we need to stay as light as possible. So anyway, I do hope you all have a nice weekend. Maybe you could go out for a walk or perhaps a picnic? Whatever you do please don't worry yourselves too much about Ms Camille and her little students......or Captain Bill.....or Cyril...or the life or death situation that they all find themselves in. I'm sure it'll all turn out well in the end. Bye, hugs, bye Norma PS If you do spot a large pirate sheep laden balloon passing overhead do...

'Arggghhhh! Har......har, har....har, har har...etc, etc. Right lads,' began Lefty,'tis no point in avoiding the issue, we failed in our underhoof but otherwise highly original caper!' And a general murmuring and bleating ensued. 'I know, 'continued lefty,'tis not easy to accept but we must be realistic, it was a right fleece up!' And from in amongst the throng a strong metallic tapping was heard. 'No Hooky!' bleated Lefty,'you mustn't blame yourself, for even by our ruthless pirate standards your injury is a most sever one and to have asked you to impersonate a human was, in my opinion, a step too far!' And here there were cries of 'shame', 'pardon' and 'speak up.' 'But my point is lads,' continued Lefty,'it's a pretty good bet that when we get home our boss will not be best pleased with the news.' And again cries of 'shame', 'rubbish' and 'what did he say,...

HEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!! I know you've come to expect a blog to be longer than that but right now I think that says all that I want it to say. I mean it wasn't so bad when they were disguised as humans but now they're out of costume....well, they're just so ruthlessly sheepy! It's OK for Cyril, he's used to a life based around risking life and hoof. It didn't take him 5 minutes to find a couple of bits of fleece for both of us. And the pointy things! I've never seen so many cutlasses and daggers! Although there is at least a strict no running policy. So basically, to sum up, send help. I'm not bothered how it manifests itself...just get it here quickly!!!! Captain Bill

'You know,'reflected Norma,'the next time we suspect the involvement of pirate sheep, we might do no worse than take a quick tour around the nearest balloonidrome!' 'I feel such a fool!' said Bertha. 'You and me both!' replied Norma,'still on the plus side they should be easy to follow.' 'And at least it looks like Cyril and Captain Bill managed to stow themselves away,' said Bertha. 'Are you sure?' asked Norma. 'Well I can clearly see somebody wearing a Captain's hat,' replied Bertha. 'What's he doing?' asked Norma. 'He's trying to climb out!' replied Bertha. 'That'll be our Bill then,' said Norma And with that the 2 girls moved off. 'So hot pursuit it is then!' said Bertha as they both hurried towards the balloonidrome. 'Well, I suspect it'll be more of a 'winds light to variable' pursuit,' replied Norma,'but it should be fun while it l...

'I really,' puffed Captain Bill,'I really struggle to see the point of some of these events!' 'Events?' questioned Cyril. 'Suitcase carrying,' replied Captain Bill,'I mean who ever thought of that as a sport?' Cyril stopped running. Captain Bill stopped running. 'It's like this,' said Cyril,'it's not an event.' 'It isn't?' said Captain Bill. 'No!' said Cyril. 'Then what is...,' said Captain Bill. '...They're leaving!' said Cyril. 'Leaving!' said Captain Bill. 'Leaving,' said Cyril.'They've realised it's all gone a bit pear shaped, they're not going to win....so they're leaving.' 'Right,' said Captain Bill. 'And we're going with them,'added Cyril. 'WHA....' said Captain Bill. But he didn't get to finish what he was saying because Cyril picked him up and started to run with him. 'Wherever they'r...

'Could you just? Look, no! Just let go! Let go! I said LET GO!' shouted Captain Bill. 'I thought this might happen!' called out Cyril. 'It's hopeless!' exclaimed Captain Bill,'37 of us all trying to hang onto 1 pole!' 'It's the flocking instinct!' replied Cyril,'they only just managed to suppress it in practice but once the pressure's on they just can't stop themselves from doing everything together!' 'But the whole idea is that 1 of us flies effortlessly through the air,' puffed Captain Bill,'we've been around the field 3 times already and so far the only 1 that's taken off wasn't actually attached to the pole!' 'Sorry about that!' replied Cyril,'but he was starting to annoy me!' 'I don't suppose they'll miss 1!' conceded Captain Bill,'and anyway he set a new record for the 100m!' 'They've even delayed the medal ceremony until they ge...

'So,' asked Cyril,'have you found anything out yet?' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill,'this costume itches!' 'Could be crucial!' said Cyril. And so for a while Cyril and Captain Bill stood and watched the sheep moving around them. 'They're nippy little things aren't they?' conceded Captain Bill. 'Wouldn't surprise me if some of them were on wheels,' replied Cyril. 'Will they stop at nothing!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Careful!' bleated Cyril,'remember you need to blend in.' 'Blend in!' exclaimed Captain Bill,'I'm disguised as a sheep who's disguised as a human who just happens to have 3 arms...and I've still got me Captain's hat on!' 'I suppose they're too involved with their own plans to notice,' replied Cyril. 'So what do you suggest we do next?' asked Captain Bill. 'Hmm,' replied Cyril,'time to report back perhaps?' And so...

Morning everyone, Just thought I'd let you know, everything so far is going to plan. I can report that Cyril and Captain Bill have made 1st contact with the opposition. Luckily that 3rd arm makes it quite easy to pick out Captain Bill, so well done Annie! Cyril's also quite easy to spot but that's because he's several times larger than anyone else. With a bit of luck they'll be able to find out where Ms Camille and her little students are being held and then we can really get this show on the road! Until then we'll just have to sit tight and nibble a hedge. Take care, do have a nice weekend... Norma

You've missed him! You've worried about him....really you have, don't try to deny it! But now he's back...and it is him...honest! Iiiiitttt'sssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Morning Chums or should I say, the cake of my friend has been eaten by the fat cow. Be honest if you'd seen me in the street you'd have just kept on walking. It's a disguise par excellent even if I do say so myself. My only concern is that my innate sexiness might just give me away? I guess it's just a risk I'll have to take. After all there's a damsel and her pupils to be rescued and fate insists I be there (no honestly I had a postcard). So if we never meet again remember.... There is some corner of a foreign field, well quite a big corner, probably closer to a whole field and a couple of hillsides, that is forever Cyril town. Hugs, snogs (you know it's what you want!) Cyril (secret agent and part time restaurant critic)

Hello! (I'm saving my 'o's for the next sentence) I'm soooooooooooooooooooo (told you) tired! There's just soooooooooo ( I still had a few left) much going on! Norma suggested that it might help if I gave all of us a detailed breakdown of the plot. I think we can all recognise when we're on a hiding to nothing! But from what I can work out, there are people pretending to be other people which they shouldn't be doing and the people that they are pretending to be just aren't here and we're here but the people doing the pretending tried to stop us otherewise we would notice that the people who aren't here aren't here. And there are minimoos mixed up in it somewhere as well. I like minimoos. Has anyone ever noticed that when you lay down your eyeballs are on top of each other? Strange that! Right, that's enough pointless rambling from me. Byeeeeeeeeeeee Annie PS I have no idea why Geraldine is dressed as she is but it's her ...

Well I'm still not sure about those Captain Inspectors! Morning all, Captain Bill here. It's always been quite clear to me that some sort of cheating went on...it's the only logical way of explaining why I failed. Now that we know that pirate sheep were involved it confirms all my suspicions. It wouldn't surprise me if they actually went so far as to switch port with starboliarboliboard! The point is I feel I can get back to being fully in command. I'm sure you can understand my temptation to rush in and play the hero. Swinging on a rope, cutlass clenched between my teeth, rescuing Ms Camille and her little students etc, etc. I shall just have to try to hold myself back! Until then...have nice weekends and remember if you need inspiration...think Captain Bill! Until next week, CAPTAIN Bill PS Did I mention it's CAPTAIN Bill!

'You're joking!' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'No,' replied Bertha,'Cyril's convinced of it and just for once I'm in full agreement with him.' Captain Bill very nervously popped his head above the bush that he and Bertha were hiding behind. 'But they look so.....humanlike!' 'There's no denying that it's a masterpiece of disguise,' replied Bertha,' but it does help to account for the lack of legs...and the shortness of the grass!' Captain Bill pulled his head back down and very slightly edged himself back down the hill a bit. 'Right,' he said,'wellllll.....it strikes me that if we're going to take them on, then we'll need to have some really good quality rope to be able to tie them up with...now I've got some, but it's back on Cow Island....so the sooner I leave the sooner I can be back.' Bertha gave Captain Bill a 'look'. 'What's that for?' he asked,'I...

'We shouldn't be here!' whispered Captain Bill. 'I know,' replied Norma,'and normally I wouldn't do this sort of thing...but needs must!' 'But we're breaking into the organisers tent!' said Captain Bill,'what are we going to say if we get caught?' 'We'll say we got lost and took a wrong turn,' replied Norma as she looked around. 'And just accidentally cut open the back of their tent and rifled through the entire contents of their private correspondence?' questioned Captain Bill. 'These things happen!' replied Norma,'but anyway we won't get caught. Annie and Bertha are outside and Cyril and Horace are on the flanks and Geraldine's got a little drum to bang if anyone gets too close.' 'I have to say, for an honest person you seem to have got this very well organised!' said Captain Bill. 'I employed a consultant,' replied Norma,'but don't worry, I've foun...

'Well we've looked everywhere,' said Bertha. 'They'll turn up!' replied Captain Bill. 'But they haven't so far,' added Norma with more than a note of concern in her voice. 'Look,' said Captain Bill,'it's a big event, we might easily have missed them.' 'Hmm,' replied Norma,'I'm not so sure.' 'Stop worrying!' said Captain Bill,'you always worry too much. We'll find them. They're here somewhere!' 'No they're not!' mooed Annie. Norma, Bertha and Captain Bill stopped talking to each other and looked at Annie, who was still experiencing a rather generous amount of bunting love. 'So you just happen to know that do you?' asked Captain Bill. 'Fact!' replied Annie. 'Really?' said Captain Bill. And Annie nodded her head. 'And,' continued Captain Bill,'you're certain of this crystal clear piece of information because?' 'I asked...

Morning all, your Captain speaking. First chance we've had to have a chat since arriving. I was relieved just to have got us here in one piece! Still no sign of Ms Camille and her troop. I suppose they'll be busy preparing themselves. I imagine that they'll get pretty excited when we turn up! I shall try not to involve myself too much with their athletic training. Perhaps just drop in the odd critical pointer now and again? I see myself more in the role of morale booster and semi official dignitary. Apart from that there'll be the usual worries about the crew embarrassing themselves! I do hope Bertha doesn't get carried away with it all! Then there's Cyril.......and Annie......and Horace! Right, better go and find where Norma's got to! Take care Captain Bill