Cow Island

'Lefty!' called out Flossie. '......................Lefty!' 'Yes?' 'Where are you?' 'Over here!' 'Right!.....................................Where's that?' 'Errrrrrrrrrrrr...now you ask?' 'Can you see me?' 'Where are you?' 'I'm here!' '........................................................................................No!' 'OK!' bleated Flossie. 'On paper it was a good idea, I approved it, my responsibility, but, got to be honest, it's not panned out.' 'I should have done a full feasibility study,' replied Lefty, 'and a proper risk assessment.' 'Never enough time,' said Flossie. 'Now being practical...hang on! Did you hear that?' 'What?' 'That splash!' 'Was it a splash?' 'I thought it was a splash?' 'Mum!..............................Mum?' 'Stay calm,...

'I just thought it would make a nice break from looking at the maps and, while certain people are otherwise engaged with loading, we could have a chat about...getting out of the harbour,' explained Norma. Fine!' replied Captain Bill. 'If you think it's worth it?' 'Well, let's be honest,' continued Norma, 'we have had...well...problems in the past.' 'You mean when Annie fell overboard?' asked Captain Bill. 'That was one,' replied Norma, 'but I was thinking more about those occasions when we've...hit the harbour wall.' 'Remind me,' said Captain Bill. 'Well there was last time for instance and the time before that and the time before that and I recall once when we hit it despite us starting the voyage with the Pickled Heifer already moored on the other side of the island.' 'Point made!' said Captain Bill. 'Which is why I've prepared this little model for us to look a...

'Why?' gasped Captain Bill. 'What does he want with them?' 'I don't know,' replied Norma. 'But he says he's got a plan.' 'Eleventy billion squillion miles he made me carry them!' 'I think he helped?' said Norma. 'My hooves have worn away!' continued Captain Bill. 'Perhaps you would benefit from having fifteen tiny invisible legs?'  'What?' said Captain Bill. 'Nothing,' replied Norma. 'I could have been attacked with a pointy sword at any moment!'  'Were you?' asked Norma. 'Who knows!' continued Captain Bill. 'I'm too tired to care!' 'So shall I leave you there?' asked Norma. 'NO!' mooed Captain Bill. 'You'll have to move yourself then,' replied Norma. 'The utterly ruthless pirate sheep can't be far behind.' 'You'll have to carry me.' 'I can't!' replied Norma. 'So...

Captain Bill shuddered...then vibrated...then shuddered a bit more...then vibrated a bit more...and then...simply...exploded. 'BUT HE CAN'T! he screamed. 'Well I'm pretty sure that's what he intends to do,' replied Norma. 'Hopeless!' shouted Captain Bill. 'Utterly, utterly, utterly hopeless! He abandons us for a year, not a word, not a mention and then we're back, just like that! No introduction! No explanation!' Norma nodded. 'But it's ridiculous!' continued Captain Bill. 'What are we supposed to have been doing for the last twelve months? Standing around in a field?' 'I have!' mooed Annie. 'Shut up!' replied Captain Bill. 'I wasn't asking you! And we'll have lost the audience you know that don't you! They'll have been long gone.' 'They might come back,' suggested Norma. 'Not if they've got any sense!' replied Captain Bill. 'I haven...

Hello.....sorry, can't stop....in a bit of a hurry...well, maybe for a moment! Hang on let me catch my breath! Right, I'm just nipping over to see how things are going with putting up the new mast. I've left Geraldine doing a demonstration of knot tying. Hopefully she can keep them entertained for a while. With a bit of luck they won't need to talk to Captain Bill but it's a risk I've got to take! And I've had an idea for something for tomorrow as well. OK, better get on, sorry it was so short. Hugs to all, Norma

'I never been so embarrassed in my life!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Really?' said Cyril. 'That's a rather sheltered life if you don't mind me saying so!' 'That poor woman,' continued Captain Bill,'must have given her the fright of her life! There she is sitting nibbling on a slice on fruit cake, next thing she knows there's a deformed elephant standing next to her saying "are you going to finish that?"....No wonder she screamed!' 'Well she wasn't going to finish it!' replied Cyril. 'You never gave her a chance!' said Captain Bill, 'she went to lift it to her mouth, you lunged forward, the sprinkler on my trunk hit her on the head and down she went! She'll be in therapy for years! And when those people gave chase! I thought we'd never shake them off...and all for a slice of cake!' 'So do you want a bit?' said Cyril. 'Is there icing on it?' asked Captain Bill. '..................

'Hopeless!' said Captain Bill, 'absolutely hopeless!' 'It'll do,' said Cyril. 'It's a hose pipe!' mooed Captain Bill, 'you could at least have taken the sprinkler off the end!' 'Didn't quite have the time for that,' replied Cyril. 'Why not?' asked Captain Bill. 'No reason,' replied Cyril. 'IT'S STOLEN!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Borrowed,' corrected Cyril. 'Oh udders!' said Captain Bill. 'You worry too much,' said Cyril. 'Well of course I worry!' replied Captain Bill, 'I can see it now, "sorry m'lud, only we stole the hose pipe because we needed to impersonate an elephant."' 'I'm feeling peckish,' said Cyril, who felt that the conversation should be moved along. 'And that's news is it?' asked Captain Bill. 'Hmmm?' 'What? 'There's a lady over there!' said Cyril. 'What about her?' asked Captain Bil...

'No honestly,' said Norma, 'the resemblance is uncanny!' 'Are you serious!!!' mooed an incredulous Captain Bill. 'Well maybe having Geraldine there helps a little bit,' conceded Norma. 'We don't even have a trunk!' said Captain Bill. 'Actually, there is more to an elephant than just a trunk!' called out Norman from the background. 'Norma!' called out Annie. 'In a moment!' replied Norma. 'But Cyril has assured us he can lay his hoof on a very life like trunk,' added Bertha. 'Consider it sorted!' said Cyril. 'Actually, there is more to an elephant than just a trunk!' called out Norman from the background. 'Norma!' called out Annie. 'In a moment!' replied Norma. 'We don't stand a chance!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well try to keep in the background,' suggested Bertha, 'behind some trees or something.' 'But people are supposed to be able to see us!' sai...