Cow Island

'Appreciating that the crown does have pointy bits AND that there really should be a handrail of some sort but, all things considered,....RUN!!!!' Flossie shouted. And so he and Lefty picked up the sack between them and headed back down the old cliff path just as fast as they could. 'CRUNCH!!!!' went a noise behind them and a giant staple zipped over Flossie's head. 'That could have had someones eye out!' Lefty cried. 'And I don't have any to spare!' Flossie replied. 'CRUNCH!!!!' went the noise again and a second staple bounced off of the rocks below them. 'Where are we heading for?' Lefty called out. 'Not sure,' Flossie shouted back. 'We can decide once we're at the bottom.' 'Not far to go now!' Lefty said. And, despite the danger, Flossie stopped them running and they paused for a moment.  'Odd, isn't it,' he observed, 'how it always seems so much quicker on the ...

'And then they reach this point and they have to make a choice between The History of Rope or String Theory, which itself splices off into Twine of the Times. If they do all three and complete the questionnaire at the end then they get one third off a returning out of season ticket.' Captain Bill paused and looked at Horace.  'I came here to write poetry,' Horace replied. 'Right,' Captain Bill said. 'Right..................you weren't just very late for my talk?' 'No!' 'Right...............................................................how's it going then?' 'What?' 'The old poetry.' 'It isn't!' 'Right.' 'I need to be alone.' 'Right.' 'So,' Horace began, 'if you could just...' 'Which bit are you having trouble with?' 'Sorry?' 'Which bit of the poem? Is it the punchline?' 'Poems don't have punchline...

Captain Bill stood behind the collapsed collapsible table. So,' he began, 'as you all know, our island has for many years been the home of the World's most successful rope museum.' Norma raised her hoof. 'Are there any others?' she asked, because she thought it might be nice to show an interest. '.....................Probably?' Captain Bill replied. 'I mean, it stands to reason, given the overwhelming popularity of the subject, but ours is the biggest and the best, which brings me rather neatly to the subject in hand. Due to the unprecedented volume of visitors it's become apparent that a new visitors centre is urgently required and so this is your chance to invest!' Here Captain Bill paused and shuffled his clipboard. '.............................................................Is that it?' Norma asked after a while. 'You need to know more?'  'Well,' Norma said. 'I've got an architect...

'Can you see what make it is?' Annie called out. 'Hmm, not from here,' Cyril replied. 'I'm not very good with fish and I can only see the tail. Perhaps Geraldine could help?' 'Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Good idea!' mooed Annie. Geraldine waved her wings about and dived beneath the waves. 'Does that mean anything?' Cyril asked. Annie shrugged her horns. 'My blossom is getting all soggy,' she added. 'That's one of the problems with wet water,' Cyril replied. 'And the ink seems to be running on my t-shirts!' 'A safety feature,' Cyril explained. 'Otherwise how would you know that you were in the sea?' 'How much rent do you think I should charge Mr Fish?' 'That would depend on the number of bedrooms?' '137,' Annie replied. 'I'll work it out for you,' said Cyril. 'Now can I suggest you come back to shore, these grass ...

'So you see,' Captain Bill explained, 'it's got an anticlockwise triple twist with a thread insert.' 'Lovely! So what would you use it for?' Norma asked. 'Well, you would have used it for tying parcels, erecting very small tents and kite flying.' 'And other things?' 'No,' Captain Bill replied, 'just those things. String laws used to be incredibly strict.' 'Whoever knew!' 'Fascinating isn't it?' 'Mmmmm,' said Norma, 'and I'd love to stay for another 2 hours but...' 'I could lend you a few books if you'd like?' 'It's just time,' Norma replied, 'and talking of time, it had occurred to me...' 'There's a great introduction here somewhere...' 'That's it's been a while......' 'This is it, 'Tie A Knot In It'.' 'Since we've been on holiday.' Captain Bill stopped and looked at No...