Cow Island

'Over there!' said Lefty. 'Where?' 'There!' 'I can't hear it,' bleated Flossie. 'I'm sure it was.' 'Getting nearer?' 'Difficult to tell.' 'Going further away?' 'Not sure.' 'But the same noise as before?' 'Yes!....Maybe?.......I don't know!' 'Oh!' groaned Flossie. 'This is madness! It's a cow on a giant spring, that's all!' 'Got our prisoner though,' replied Lefty. 'And it's not something we've ever trained for.' 'Well, who would have?' asked Flossie. 'I'll happily concede that when considering possible crew procedures, the possibility of being attacked by a mad cow on a giant spring never figured very highly.' 'It's quiet now.' said Lefty. 'Perhaps it's gone?' replied Flossie. 'Perhaps it has?' agreed Lefty. 'FLUFFIES!!!!!' mooed Annie as she b...

'No!' said Flossie. 'I mean I've no objection to other people wearing one but I wouldn't.' 'It did look very obvious,' replied Lefty. 'What bothered me,' continued Flossie, 'was that she still quite clearly had a real nose.' 'I noticed that,' replied Lefty. 'Sort of defeated the point as far as I was concerned.' 'Mmm,' said Flossie. 'Did you hear that?' bleated Lefty. 'What?' asked Flossie. 'That noise.' 'What noise?' 'Well,' said Lefty, 'it was a kind of bouncing noise.....There it is again! It came from over there!' 'Where?' 'CRIKEY!' 'What?' 'Above those trees!' 'What?' 'Unless I'm sadly mistaken it was a cow in a silly hat tied to a giant spring!' 'Seems unlikely,' said Flossie. 'Perhaps I'm going mad?' suggested Lefty. But just at that moment, Annie b...

'It's generally thought of as being characterised by unusual simile or metaphor,' explained Flossie, 'combined with simple verse forms. It just doesn't work for me.' 'I must read some,' Lefty replied. 'I've got some somewhere in a general anthology,' bleated Flossie. 'I'll dig it out and lend it to you.' 'We could always ask the prisoner if he's written any?' 'Hmm,' said Flossie. 'In my experience it's better not to fraternise with prisoners, not poet ones anyway. You can end up feeling terribly depressed.' 'Still,' replied Lefty, 'good to have a prisoner.' 'Oh, yes!' said Flossie. 'Guns, pointy swords, gunpowder and now a prisoner. You must be feeling pleased?' 'Of course,' replied Flossie. 'Although in leadership terms it does bring its own problems.' 'How so?' 'Well,' said Flossie, 'it's widely accepte...

'Well, if you're sure you can't direct me toward the 57th Annual Rain Soaked Cliff Top Poetry Awards, I'll be on my way,' said Horace. And the flock all shook their heads. 'Well...........................................................bye then,' mumbled Horace. 'Wait a minute,' bleated Flossie. Horace hesitated. 'Did you say the 57th Annual Rain Soaked Cliff Top Poetry Awards?' 'I did,' said Horace. '......................................Never heard of them!' continued Flossie. 'Pity though, I quite like a bit of poetry.' 'Really?' asked Lefty. 'Oh, yes,' replied Flossie. 'As long as it doesn't drift off into anything too metaphysical.' 'I've always been more of a short story person,' said Lefty. 'Just at the end of the day, to help me settle down.' 'It's odd isn't it,' mused Flossie, 'how we're all drawn towards differen...

'And you flick that catch there and it allows you to fire three shots at different ranges,' said Lefty. 'Brilliant!' bleated Flossie. 'And if you press the black button, a tripod drops down so you can use it in a sustained fire role.' 'Terrific!' And if you press the white button?' 'That's a digital radio and one of those things for getting horses hooves out of stones. To be honest, I see that as more of a gimmick.' 'Mmm,' replied Flossie. 'Not sure you'd get a lot of use out of that. I did once serve on a ship that had a horse as 2nd mate. It used to spend all its time running around the deck, jumping over the cannon...and it was rubbish at climbing in the rigging.' 'It sounds nice to have a mix of species,' replied Lefty, 'but statistics prove that all sheep ships work best.' 'You've got my vote on that one,' said Flossie. 'Now, is everyone happy with what they've...

'Reporting Gertie all ready and loaded,' bleated Lefty. 'Good lads!' shouted Flossie and he gambolled over for a closer look. 'What's that big thing sticking out the end?' he asked. 'Bolster,' replied Lefty. 'Not really a cushion,' said Flossie. 'Lads were hoping you wouldn't mind,' replied Lefty. 'Is it starched?' asked Flossie. But Lefty said it wasn't. '........OK then!' said Flossie. And the crew bleated in delight. 'What else is in there?' asked Flossie. 'Just cushions,' said Lefty. 'They've taken my Teddy Bear!' called out a sheep at the back. 'Haven't put it in,' assured Lefty. 'Teddy Bear!!!' exclaimed Flossie. 'Been meaning to have a word with you about that,' said Lefty. 'Too right we will!' replied Flossie,'still it'll have to wait for the moment. Now how much powder has Hookey put in?' 'A bit,' replied Lefty. 'Ho...