Cow Island

'Curses!' Flossie cried. 'Delayed again!' 'And forced to take a diversion via the old cliff path just to get around them,' Lefty added. Flossie paused for a moment.  'Hmm,' he pondered out loud, 'slightly laboured lines if you ask me.' 'Helps to establish the scene though,' Lefty replied. '....Suppose,' Flossie said, 'and it's a nice walk...good views.' 'Bit steep in places,' Lefty observed. 'I mean, it's OK for us but Mum would find it a bit of a struggle and strictly speaking they should put in some sort of safety handrail. If we weren't in such a hurry I'd speak to someone about it.' 'Maybe you could write to them?' Flossie suggested. 'After we get home.' 'Oh!' Lefty bleated. 'That's a good idea! As long as you don't mind?' 'Absolutely fine with me,' Flossie replied. 'Might be best not to put our address on it though...

'Sorry for the delay,' Lefty bleated and he paused for a moment to catch his breath. 'Problem?' Flossie asked. 'They tried to overcharge on the pancakes,' Lefty replied. 'Never!!!' Flossie cried. 'Seriously,' Lefty assured him. 'I was sure I was right but the manager had mislaid the paperwork and it took ages to find it. Their filing system left a lot to be desired I can tell you.' 'Just goes to prove that it's always worth checking though,' Flossie replied. 'That's what I thought,' Lefty said, 'but I knew we were pressed for time.' 'No, no!' Flossie interrupted. 'You did absolutely the right thing. Overcharging on a catering bill is something I simply will not stand for.' 'Anyway,' Lefty continued, 'it's all sorted and paid for so we can get going whenever you want.' 'I quite like the view from here,' Flossie replied, 'but it might be for...

'No, I think he was just happy to be out of the rigging,' Bertha suggested. 'Poor man!' Norma mooed.  'Anyway,' Bertha continued, 'have you had any luck?' 'Not so far,' Norma replied. 'I've read most of the signs but they're nearly all about health and safety.' It'll be easier just to ask someone,' Bertha said. 'I'll find a little man.' So Bertha went to find a little man and Norma took the opportunity to have a look about her. There seemed to be a tremendous amount of activity as cameras and equipment were being moved about but it all appeared to be very well organised. Bertha returned after only a few minutes. 'I found someone with a clipboard,' she explained. 'In my experience they're nearly always in charge.' 'What did he say?' Norma asked. 'He was very pleased to know we'd arrived,' Bertha replied. 'He said we have to fill out some forms and th...

'Why yes, my petite chums,' Camille replied, 'in a deliberately overlong and complex exposition made for the benefit of newer readers I can confirm that when we last parted company myself and ma little students were about to embark on running a combined vineyard and prison for notorious pirates.' 'So what happened?' Bertha asked. 'We 'ad considerable success with the Pinot but I never felt we got the soil right for a truly world class Chablis.' '...................................................................And the prison?' said Norma. 'At first things went well, although there were fewer transferable skills from pirating into viticulture than I 'ad 'oped. But they applied themselves to the tasks I set them and exhibited a strong team spirit that was a credit to their evil brotherhood.' 'But I sense a 'but',' Bertha mooed. 'Indeed! For although they worked 'ard they also 'ighlight...

'Are we absolutely sure we want to...' 'Yes!' mooed Bertha. 'Yes!' agreed Norma. 'I can see my tail!' added Annie and then she fell over and nibbled at some grass that was in front of her. 'I think you could have at least let me finish,' said Captain Bill. 'Why?' asked Bertha. 'Because it would have shown some respect,' replied Captain Bill. 'I think you've answered your own question there,' said Bertha. 'And anyway,' continued Captain Bill, 'they'll be miles ahead of us.' 'But we can track them,' replied Norma and she indicated the magnifying glass that had been fixed to a small trolley (although she had to walk around Annie first). 'And you think that'll work?' asked Captain Bill. 'It already has,' replied Norma and this time it was Geraldine who did the pointing, which was towards a crumpled piece of paper that lay just out of Annie's nibb...

'Now, don't want to seem ungrateful,' said Flossie, 'but have to be honest...feel silly.' 'Safe though,' replied Lefty. True, true,' said Flossie. 'Still, sometimes, just thinking out loud here, think we carry it all too far.' 'It's only while you're up there.' 'Good! Happy for the reassurance,' replied Flossie. 'Could I ask though, do we really have to have the cone?' 'It's only a little one.' 'Never the less?' 'Know you're not happy about it,' said Lefty, 'but the nails in the harness do constitute a trip hazard.' 'OK!' replied Flossie. 'Question asked, answer given. Moving forward, what news of our chasing steam powered adversaries?' 'Getting ever closer,' bleated Lefty. 'Taking your word for it,' replied Flossie. 'Partly because I implicitly trust you and partly because I can't turn around.' 'On the...

'So, reporting steam driven vessel approaching, quite quickly as it happens, off the Port bow,' bleated Lefty. 'Hmm,' said Flossie, 'not good news. What to do? What to do?...........How about we blow them out of the water! Har! Har! Har!' 'Love to!' replied Lefty. 'Slight problem in carrying that out on the grounds that there doesn't seem to be any cannon aboard.' 'Oh!' said Flossie. 'Or cannon balls.' 'Right,' said Flossie. '..............................Disappointed!' 'We're swinging from the same boarding rope on that one,' replied Lefty. 'Also, can confirm, having had time for a thorough search, no muskets, swords, pointy or otherwise, pistols, daggers or indeed any sort of weapon that your average ship might be expected to carry.' 'Odd!' said Flossie. '....................Other options?' 'Could throw that tree at them?' suggested Lefty. ...

'Har! Har! Har! Tiring of it slightly but still,' continued Flossie, 'what are we up to?' '8 knots,' replied Lefty. 'Har! Ha...Oh I can't be bothered...Tis a fine ship and no mistake!' 'I was thinking we could rename her 'Mint Sauce II'? suggested Lefty. 'Perfect!' said Flossie. 'Now, to other matters. Have the prisoners been thrown into the brig?' 'Well,' replied Lefty, 'couldn't throw them in, might have hurt them but I can confirm that the prisoners have been confined in a space that still allows access to light, water, regular meals, with choice of menu including a vegan option, adequate turning room and an organised program of recreation and exercise. I've skipped the bit about visiting rights because they can't have any seeing as we're at sea.' 'Right,' said Flossie. 'Good! Now, Dave, he seems to have a spoon?' 'Correct,' replied Lefty. 'Ba...

'We could!' bleated Flossie. 'Shouldn't really though,' replied Lefty. 'Nobodies looking!' added Flossie. 'And we need to get on.' 'It's your call,' replied Lefty. So Flossie gave the signal and the flock picked up the pace. 'It's not really running anyway,' continued Flossie. 'More of a slight jog.' 'Still covered in the rules though,' replied Lefty. Flossie slowed to a halt. 'You know,' he began, 'I'm tempted to get out of the whole pirate game.' 'Never!' said Lefty. 'Well, it's just no fun anymore,' replied Flossie. 'It used to be. It's all got just...too regulated.' 'But, but what you do?' asked Lefty. 'I dunno,' replied Flossie, 'maybe just get my head stuck through a fence for a while, give myself time to think things through.' 'You'd miss it though,' said Lefty. 'The camaraderie, the s...

'But as health and safety courses go it was really interesting,' continued Lefty. 'Well glad I sent you on it then!' replied Flossie, 'and the posters?' 'Mostly about running with swords. I'm afraid they've tightened things up again!' At this moment Hooky tapped several times on the grass. 'Well,' replied Lefty, 'it now covers swords, daggers, forks including cake forks and skewers.' 'Doesn't leave a lot!' said Flossie dispiritedly. 'I had a word with mum,' replied Lefty, 'she's got some long handled spoons in a draw somewhere.' 'Not the same though is it!' said Flossie. 'Boarding an enemy vessel, swinging across on a rope with a long handled spoon clenched between your gnashers.' 'Ah!' said Lefty. 'Glad you mentioned that. Rope's out!' 'Out!' bleated Flossie. 'Out!' confirmed Lefty. 'From now on boarding can only be car...