Cow Island

'Just a shed full of manky old bits of rope,' Lefty explained. 'Really?' Flossie replied. 'The flock doesn't scare easily but the general opinion is that it must have belonged to a complete nutter!' 'Shame!'  'It was only Slightly Threatening Dave who was prepared to go in there on his own.' 'Top pirate!' 'So, I've had it all cleared out and thrown away.' 'Well,' Flossie mused, 'at least it helps to explain who we sold all of that rope to.' 'Which reminds me,' Lefty said, 'been asked to say, everyone wanted to congratulate you on 'The Small Island Supply Company'. Possibly your most despicable idea yet.' 'It wasn't a bad one was it, although I couldn't have managed it without your administrative skills,' Flossie bleated. 'and how else where we going to find out the addresses of all those islands that we needed to steal.' 'And now we...

'So I thought it would be quite expensive but then Lord Sir Cyril of Cheapdisguiseshire explained that because there was a Q an X and a Z in the month we didn't have to pay anything!' 'Really!' said Norma. 'Erm....how lucky for you!'  'I suppose we were just fortunate that it was the last day of Juqxzly,' replied Annie. 'And would I be correct in guessing that they threw in free delivery as well?' asked Norma. 'I was going to ask them about that,' replied Annie, 'but my chum said that the quarry pixies needed their sleep and so it would be best not to disturb them.' Norma looked at Annie and then rolled her eyes skyward. '.......So moving on,' she continued, 'as you can see the Mark 1 Think Thunk making machine is almost finished.' 'It's almost not quite exactly how I imagined it,' said Annie. 'That's good to hear,' replied Norma, 'and we've carried out some tr...

'I said stand back!'

'So she gets 5 attempts?' asked Captain Bill. 'Well she's only going for the island record,' replied Norma, 'it's only at international level that it's reduced to 3.' 'She's still going to need to pick up a bit though,' said Captain Bill. 'Mmm,' replied Norma, 'although it takes a couple of runs to get the mittens up to temperature. I wouldn't be surprised if she really went for it on the next one.' 'I have to say she did a good wave on the last run.' 'That's the thing I was never any good at,' said Norma. 'It upsets your whole balance, that's why it's always been a part of the compulsory routine. It's a real test of your skill.' 'And there was talk of a 2 person attempt?' 'That's just a bit of fun really,' replied Norma, 'Cyril said he'd be up for it if Annie wanted to have a go.' 'I might have a go myself sometime,' said Captain Bill. ...

'Ready?' asked Bertha. 'Ready!' said Annie. 'Hat tie secure?' asked Bertha. Annie nodded. 'Mittens nice and comfy?' Annie nodded again and waved them at Bertha. 'Cyril is reporting conditions as 'nice and slidy',' added Bertha, 'and almost entirely downhill.' 'Excellent!' mooed Annie, 'particularly about the downhill bit because it helps quite a lot but I think we'll still start with a test run at half slidiness just to be on the safe side.' 'It's your call,' replied Bertha. 'Well I'm allowed it under section 3, paragraph 4 of the rulebook,' mooed Annie. 'Then I think you'd be foolish not to,' replied Bertha. And so with that Bertha blew her whistle and Annie pushed off.

Hello everyone! I know it's a bit late, but Happy New Year to you all. Did you have a good time? I'm told I did...which is a bit embarrassing but after all a party's supposed to be enjoyed. I have to say I'm already looking forward to our cruise. It'll be sooo nice to be at sea without having to worry about steering or navigating or hitting anything or sinking. As for things that will be coming up rather sooner than that, well next week will be pretty exciting for all you sports fans. I realise that not many of you will have taken part in competition helter skeltering but there's never been a better time to get involved! Actually Annie asked me to say that bit. It's the arrival of her new hoof mittens that's got her all a fluster but I think she'll be talking more about them on Monday. Well, have a nice weekend...maybe if you find yourself stuck for something to do, you could buy a landscape painting. I was asked to say that as well. Honestly do you ...

'How's it going?' asked Bertha. 'Unofficially we're under 30 seconds,' replied Annie. 'That's Cyril assisted though?' asked Bertha. 'He's only giving me the littlest push,' replied Annie, 'mostly it's because of these!' And at this point Annie waved 4 of the softest, warmest and undoubtedly stripiest hoof mittens that anyone had ever seen. 'It's the stripes that make you go faster,' mooed Annie. 'Cyril had them especially made just for meeeeeeeee! They're the bestest present ever!.' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'I think we can look forward to the Helter Skelter records being broken then.' And Annie nodded in agreement. 'Anyway,' continued Bertha, 'if you could both spare a few minutes, Eyepatch wants us.' 'But it's Helter Skelter time!' said Annie. 'There is an unopened present,' added Bertha. 'PRESENTS!' mooed Annie. And she ran off in the general dire...