Cow Island

'So, I told 'im all about the brave Capitaine Bile and 'e said you sounded perfect for the role.' 'Erm?' Captain Bill replied. 'After all,' Camille continued, 'who could be better at playing an 'ero than a real life one?' 'Well,' Captain Bill began. 'And ma little students are sooooo pleased!' 'Right,' Captain Bill said. 'Jean Claude 'as already written 'ome to tell 'is parents.' 'Really????' Captain Bill asked. 'Indeed!' Camille mooed, ''e included it at the bottom of a letter I got 'im to write asking 'is parents to send more money.' 'Right,' Captain Bill said. ''e as told them that many actors would be afraid of doing such dangerous stunts but not the famous Capitaine Bile.' 'STUNTS!!!' Captain Bill exclaimed. 'The film man assured me that all 'ealth and safety precautions would be taken but I said ...

You've missed him! You've wanted him! You know you've got to have him! The one...the only...he's back at last! IIIIIIIIIIITTTTT'SSSSSSSSSSS CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! (A fly past, a band and a swoon) Ladies! And let's be honest one or two of you might still be! It's me! The love of your life! How are you? Long time no see. What can I say? Your hair! Don't think I haven't noticed! And you're even prettier! How do you manage it? I know what you're thinking Where has he been? What's he been up to? Tell us all! If only I could. Needless to say, hearts mended, cake eaten, I can still lay my hoof on one if you're interested and it'll only be a crime if we're caught! But mostly I've been thinking of you. I won't say what I've been thinking but we giggled a lot and were both very tired when we'd finished. So I'm back in your life and you're back in mine and there's a road ful...

You've been pining for him! He's risking life and hoof even as he speaks! But he's here for you.... It'ssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Morning Fluffies, Are you well? Things must be looking up a bit, after all, you're looking at a picture of me! Do you like the tail? I think it adds a certain something and confirms, if confirmation were needed, that even heavily disguised mon handsomenessnus shines through! Now last time we met I was throwing Captain Bill off a balloon. No doubt you were thinking that, what with old eyepatch about to be rumbled, that your hero saved the day by spotting a hayrick and aiming his leader in that general direction and indeed I can now confirm that at least a part of that was correct. So what, I hear you ask, is life like as a pirate? Not bad at all comes my reply! 3 square meals a day, 15 triangular ones and an octagonal snackette just before lights out AND a free designer cutlass!!! I could take to it, I really co...

You've missed him! You've worried about him....really you have, don't try to deny it! But now he's back...and it is him...honest! Iiiiitttt'sssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Morning Chums or should I say, the cake of my friend has been eaten by the fat cow. Be honest if you'd seen me in the street you'd have just kept on walking. It's a disguise par excellent even if I do say so myself. My only concern is that my innate sexiness might just give me away? I guess it's just a risk I'll have to take. After all there's a damsel and her pupils to be rescued and fate insists I be there (no honestly I had a postcard). So if we never meet again remember.... There is some corner of a foreign field, well quite a big corner, probably closer to a whole field and a couple of hillsides, that is forever Cyril town. Hugs, snogs (you know it's what you want!) Cyril (secret agent and part time restaurant critic)

'Oh, do come out!' pleaded Norma. 'No!' hissed Captain Bill. 'You'll get cramp all scrunched up in there,' added Norma. 'I'll be fine!' replied Captain Bill. 'Now look,' continued Norma,'I want a peaceful resolution to this situation but I'm warning you, if all else fails, I'm willing to send in Geraldine.' And at this juncture Geraldine slipped off the safety catch and had a couple of practice snips. 'I never thought I'd see you stoop this low!' muttered Captain Bill. 'Well you've forced me into it,' replied Norma. 'I know I'm asking a lot of you but it's for Camille and her little students and I'm quite sure there's a hero inside you somewhere.' Captain Bill poked his head out of the hedge. 'Well he's very well hidden if there is,' he said. 'We'll find him,' replied Norma. And so slowly Captain Bill climbed out and, together with Norma a...