Cow Island

Captain Bill wandered up to the top of the slope so that he could be with the others. 'And so, if you were one of ma little students,' he heard Camille saying, 'I would be giving you a big gold star for your touristic disguise.' 'I was confident that it worked but it's always good to have a second opinion,' Bertha replied. 'And yourself, I notice that you've changed from a sophisticated Coral Candy to a cheap, trashy, Candy Coral.' 'So nice of you to notice,' Camille said, 'UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE!!!! Who shall remain nameless, CAPITAINE BILE!!' Capitaine Bile wandered back down the slope so that he could be alone. 'And I notice that you 'ave with you.....?' 'Horace,' Bertha prompted. 'Yes, 'orace!' 'No, Horace!' Horace mooed. 'Which means that we are almost all back together,' Camille continued. 'Yes,' Bertha replied, 'I've not seen Norma for a whil...

'3 DAYS!' Norma exclaimed. '3 Days and we have got nowhere! 3 days of diversions and petty asides and squabbles with hardly a word spoken about the holiday! Horace, it's just a bruise, get over it! Bertha, Captain Bill is entitled to an opinion...even if it is, by and large, negative waffle. Annie, try to do the real world just once in a while! Cyril................................behave!  Captain Bill, we are going on holiday so just get used to it! And with that Norma turned and stampeded away. Only to stampede back again a few moments later. 'Horace,' she began, 'bruises are not nice, I am sincerely sorry that it hurts. Bertha, I realise you just want to move things along in a positive direction. Could you please hand around the voting forms. Annie, as reality is whatever you believe it to be, who am I to say that flying badgers don't exist. Cyril, I'll take two t-shirts in small....well, medium...unless you have them in medium large? Cap...

'What if they fall?' Horace asked. 'They won't fall,' Norma replied. 'Bertha re-stacked them. I'll get them moved just as soon as we're finished.' Horace pointed to the plaster on his nose. 'I'm very sorry,' Norma sighed. 'Now, if we could get on.' 'Agreed!' agreed Bertha. 'Firstly, ' Norma began, 'thank you all for coming. As you know we're here to decide on our exciting holiday destination.' Annie waved her tail. 'Yes?' Norma asked. 'Are we there yet?' mooed Annie. 'It's started,' Captain Bill muttered. Norma gave Captain Bill a 'look'. 'Not yet,' she replied to Annie. And Annie closed her eyes, snuggled up against Cyril and nodded off. 'So,' Norma continued, 'there's lots of brochures. Some of us have already made a start in looking through them.' 'And made suggestions,' said Captain Bill. 'An...

'Can you see what make it is?' Annie called out. 'Hmm, not from here,' Cyril replied. 'I'm not very good with fish and I can only see the tail. Perhaps Geraldine could help?' 'Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Good idea!' mooed Annie. Geraldine waved her wings about and dived beneath the waves. 'Does that mean anything?' Cyril asked. Annie shrugged her horns. 'My blossom is getting all soggy,' she added. 'That's one of the problems with wet water,' Cyril replied. 'And the ink seems to be running on my t-shirts!' 'A safety feature,' Cyril explained. 'Otherwise how would you know that you were in the sea?' 'How much rent do you think I should charge Mr Fish?' 'That would depend on the number of bedrooms?' '137,' Annie replied. 'I'll work it out for you,' said Cyril. 'Now can I suggest you come back to shore, these grass ...

'What about....' 'No!' mooed Bertha. Captain Bill put down his holiday brochure and stared at Bertha. 'You didn't even let me finish.' 'Because I know what you're going to suggest and we're not doing it,' she replied. 'Could I just point out...' 'No!' mooed Bertha. '...that I am Captain,' Captain Bill finished. 'And could I just point out that if you mention that once more I will jump up and down on your hat for an hour,' Bertha replied, 'while you're still wearing it.' 'Please!' said Norma. Captain Bill picked his brochure up again. 'Where are the others anyway?' he asked. 'I'm not sure about Cyril,' Norma replied. 'Horace has gone to find a plaster and Annie has gone for a paddle.' 'Typical!' said Captain Bill. 'When there's a serious decision to be made...' 'Annie did say she'd leave me a little note ab...

'But I thought you were taking them straight to the Pickled Heifer?' said Norma. 'It wasn't that easy to control,' Horace replied. 'It just kept moving. Some of them fell off. I got bruised.'  And Horace pointed with his tail at several large bruises. 'He's fine!' Bertha called out. 'I'm sure you will be,' Norma added. 'I'm a poet,' Horace replied. 'Even so,' said Norma, 'they are only bruises.' 'He'll be fine!' Bertha repeated. 'Anyway,' Norma continued, 'I thought Cyril was helping you? I sent him to.' 'He said 'left a bit' at one point but apart from that he just kept trying to sell me a t-shirt,' Horace replied. 'I told him I didn't need one.' Norma used up one of supply of sighs. 'Where is he now?' she asked. 'He said he was feeling peckish and wandered off.' Norma used another sigh and made a mental n...

'Hopeless!' said Captain Bill. 'Absolutely hopeless!' 'I just don't think it's deliberate,' Norma replied. 'Every single time!' Captain Bill continued. 'There's simply no respect!  'I just think she gets carried away,' said Norma. 'Hopefully by the next tide,' Captain Bill replied. 'A nd when they're together...' 'I concede it is worse when she's with Cyril.' 'And the next time we're in a life or death struggle with ferocious hostiles who will they turn to to save them with a heroic display of bravery?' 'Well?' said Norma. Captain Bill straightened his hat. 'So where is the walking dustbin?'  'I suggested he should go and help Horace and Bertha,' Norma replied. 'They're moving....some essential holiday items.' 'That'll be hats will it?' '...............................................Possibly! Bertha and I ha...

'You said 'a few',' said Horace. 'I'm sorry,' Norma replied. 'I admit there are a couple more than I thought there'd be. We tried to be as ruthless about it as we could.' 'It looks dangerous.' 'I think it'll be fine if you take it slowly. We've stacked them quite carefully.' Horace looked nervous.  'What if they fall?' 'They shouldn't,' Norma replied. 'They might.' 'Look, it's not far and they're light enough. They're only hats after all.' Horace took another look at, what to him, seemed a precarious stack. 'Do you want to push or pull?' he asked. 'Actually,' Norma replied, 'I've got to go...but Bertha's here to help.' 'GO!' mooed Horace. 'It's just,' Norma began, 'I think I aught to get to the beach, where we're all meeting. Only I have a feeling that Captain Bill and Cyril and Annie wi...

'........head completely stuck in it,' Norma concluded. 'If it would help I could stampede over and staple it permanently in place?' offered Bertha . 'I managed to get him free eventually,' Norma replied. 'At least so he can see where he's going.' 'Pity,' mooed Bertha. It's his stubbornness that I find so wearing,' Norma continued. 'It's his stupidity I've always had a problem with,' replied Bertha. Norma sighed. 'The sculpture's looking good,' she said to change the subject. 'Could be better.' 'Have you thought of a title for it yet?' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'I was toying with 'The lies that we tell others to hide our loneliness', but I'm not sure that's pretentious enough.' 'And you're safe up there?' 'I've fallen off a couple of times but it's only scratches and bruises.' 'There's no point in askin...

'What lovely blossom,' said Norma. 'It's what we trees are all about at this time of year,' replied Annie. 'And you've got a nest!' 'Geraldine made it for me out of some old hoof mittens.' 'And you've added a bird box.' 'Fish box,' Annie corrected. 'Hmm,' mused Norma, 'I'm not sure a fish would be able to get up there?' 'That's why I added the ladder,' mooed Annie. 'You seem to have thought of everything.' 'Ta!' said Annie and she did a little dance.* 'So,' Norma continued, 'I do so hope you're coming on holiday?' Annie thought for a while.......................................a long while actually......until Norma was forced to prod her with a knitting needle. 'Are trees allowed to take holidays?' 'I know of no law which stops them,' Norma replied, '...and Cyril will be going.' 'Ooooooooooooooooooooo...

'And then I stood over there and then I walked over there and then I walked over there and then I walked over there and then I...' 'Sorry,' interrupted Norma, 'my fault! When I said it might be nice if you told people about what you did during the last year I didn't mean that you needed to tell them everything.' Annie herded very close to Norma. Are you sure?' she asked. 'I fear you may be underestimating my fan base.' 'Still,' replied Norma, 'I suspect they could manage with an edited version.' 'But I haven't told them yet about the three months I spent married to a tree!' 'Also,' continued Norma, 'and here I realise that I may be asking you to take a step too far, I thought it could be interesting if you might restrict yourself to telling people just about the things that really took place rather than including the things that only happened inside your head?' Annie stared blankly back ...