Cow Island

'You're serious?' asked Flossie. 'Just want to do things properly,' replied Lefty. 'But it's a fish!' said Flossie. 'I know,' replied Lefty, 'but if it was a parrot?' 'But it isn't!' said Flossie. 'Principal of the thing,' replied Lefty. Flossie thought about it. 'OK!' he said, 'we'll score the goldfish separately. Now can we move on?' And so they did. 'Dave?' asked Lefty. 'Think we're all eating from the same meadow there,' replied Flossie and Hooky tapped in agreement. 'Harriet?' said Lefty. And again all hooves were raised. 'Mum?' said Lefty. Hooky tapped. 'No, 'replied Lefty, 'no sign of them yet.' 'Still,' said Flossie,' she's in as far as I'm concerned.' 'Just part time,' reminded Lefty. 'Just part time,' agreed Flossie. And so the meeting went on. And the goldfish was accepted....pending suitable refer...

'No really,'asked Flossie, 'what's the point in using an agency when they do this to you?' 'To be honest we didn't specify a species,' replied Lefty. 'I said flock!' bleated Flossie, 'I told them, pirate flock seeks new members, good speaking voice an advantage.' 'True!' replied Lefty. Hooky tapped on the table. 'Well I don't know!' replied Flossie. 'Swarm probably! My point is it's clearly not flock...who ever heard of a flock of Giraffes?' 'Could make a useful lookout?' suggested Lefty. 'Clutching at straws,' replied Flossie. 'If you ask me this whole 2nd week has been a complete fiasco!' 'It's not been the best,' conceded Lefty. 'I mean what would we do if he mutinied? We'd never be able to hang him!' Lefty looked up at the Giraffe. 'Sorry,' he said. 'How tiresome,' replied the Giraffe.

'4 hours!!' exclaimed Lefty. 'He just wouldn't shut up!' replied Flossie. 'He even asked me if I was planning to retire!' 'Sorry I fell asleep.' 'Can't blame you,' replied Flossie, 'Hooky feigned death towards the end...it didn't make any difference.' 'So what did happen in the end?' asked Lefty. 'Dave asked him to leave.' 'And did he?' 'Yes,' replied Flossie, 'I think he found him slightly threatening.' 'Good call on the nickname then,' said Lefty. 'My thoughts exactly!' bleated Flossie. 'So did you, did you want anything off the trolley?' asked Lefty. 'Oh right!' replied Flossie. 'Erm...any biscuits?' 'I think so,' said Lefty, 'Mum....mum...it's just the batteries.' 'No problem,' replied Flossie. 'MUM!' yelled Lefty,'...I have ordered them.....MUM!'

'And after that I personally lead the team that was responsible for overseeing the re-rigging of the Jolly Mutton which resulted in a 2.7563 knot per hour increase in the overall average weather cruising speed which was credited as the main reason for the successful capture of several high value vessels in the following six month period. After that I was promoted to first mate a position which I found to be both challenging and rewarding and within which I undertook a series of accredited courses where I acquitted myself with such distinction that I was awarded the first mate of the month cup a trophy which I have subsequently won on a further 4 occasions which has placed me well in lead for first mate of the year an annual prize which would normally only be considered for a first mate with at least 5 years 'in position' experience but which I have been put forward for after only 10 months which I feel does give a very clear indication of the calibre of the w...

'Well it's just a bit embarrassing,' bleated Flossie. 'Looked a very good candidate on paper,' said Lefty. 'Doesn't count for much if they don't show up though,' replied Flossie. 'Suppose so,' said Lefty. 'I mean what's the point of applying if you can't be bothered to turn up for the interview?' said Flossie, '.....and we're starting to lose the audience, they don't like that sort of thing.' 'Could get Mum back?' suggested Lefty. 'No, that's OK,' replied Flossie, '.......kind thought though.' 'So?' asked Lefty. Flossie scratched himself. 'Maybe we should wait a bit longer?' he replied. 'We...we could always keel haul them,' said Lefty,' for turning up late.' Flossie considered it. 'Bit self defeating,' he said at last, 'waiting for them all this time and then keel hauling them.' 'Crowd pleaser though,' pointed out Lefty. ...

Flossie coughed. Then coughed a bit louder. 'Mum!' said Lefty,'...Mum!' Flossie busied himself with one of his eyepatches. 'Sorry about this,' said Lefty, 'it's the batteries.' Hooky tapped several times on the desktop. 'No, no' replied Flossie, 'I think he means in the hearing aid.' 'Mum!' shouted Lefty, '...she's not normally this bad,' he added. 'No problem,' replied Flossie, 'no rush.' 'It's just part time by the way,' said Lefty. 'Hmm?' said Flossie. 'Just part time for mum, that's all she's looking for.' 'Fine!' replied Flossie. 'She served under Black Bob you know,' continued Lefty. 'Never!' said Flossie. 'True,' said Lefty, 'course she wasn't much more than a lamb back then.' 'So was it true then?' asked Flossie, 'you know, what they said about Bob.' Lefty shook his head. 'She's never said...

'Well, yes I grant you,' bleated Flossie, 'I grant you it's factually accurate but will it inspire fear and trembling in the opposition?' 'I take your point,' replied Lefty and he took back the form from Flossie and crossed out 'Small Dave'. 'So what have we had so far?' asked Flossie. 'Erm,' said Lefty, 'Small Dave, Vicious Dave, Slightly Threatening Dave...' 'Quite like that last one,' said Flossie. 'Bit long though,' suggested Lefty and Hooky tapped in agreement. 'And I believe you've taken steps in the image department?' continued Flossie. 'Well I've given him a hat,' said Lefty. Flossie considered the hat. 'Bit big!' 'Smallest we've got,' replied Lefty, 'and I've given him a rapier.' 'Oh!' bleated Flossie, 'bit dangerous that! What if he runs with it?' 'Not sure he'll be able to,' replied Lefty. 'I can lift it!' s...

'No, no, you have to ask them all the same questions and you can't ask them their age,' confirmed Lefty. 'Go on?' said Flossie. 'Honest,' replied Lefty. 'Well,' said Flossie, 'good job we dropped the swimsuit section then.' 'Lads were mighty relieved,' said Lefty. 'Right,' continued Flossie, 'best if we press on. So if someone could please show in the first contestant.' 'Contestant?' asked Lefty. 'Thought it added a certain something,' replied Flossie, 'made it a bit more competitive.' 'He's here!' called out a sheep from the audience. Flossie looked out from across the desk. 'Ah!' he said. 'Can't have a minimum height either,' whispered Lefty. Flossie sighed. 'Morning,' he said. 'Morning,' said Dave.