Cow Island

'No!' said Bertha. 'Hang on!' replied Captain Bill. 'I've not asked for anything yet!' 'All the same,' said Bertha, 'I'm not interested in stocking your magazine. I'm not going to become interested in stocking your magazine and if you take just one step closer I shall take it off of you, tear it into confetti sized pieces and glue them to you using this pot of glue that I've been saving for just such an occasion,'  Captain Bill looked carefully at the pot of glue on the desk. It said 'For gluing confetti sized pieces of magazine onto Captain Bill. Do not use for any other purpose' on the label in very small but neat hoof writing. 'People are supposed to mellow with age,' suggested Captain Bill. 'I'm not people,' replied Bertha, 'I'm Bertha.' 'It's got a crossword puzzle,' said Captain Bill and he pointed at it. 'No it hasn't,' replied Bertha, 'it...

'Miss Bertha's quite quick on her hooves isn't she?' said Annie. 'Always kept herself very trim,' replied Cyril. 'You would have thought she'd be happy to have people borrowing books from her library.' 'I can't understand her behaviour at all!' replied Cyril. 'So how long have you taken it out for?' asked Annie. 'Erm,' replied Cyril, 'to be honest I'm not sure, it depends in part on whether she catches us up.' 'She does seem to be gaining on us,' mooed Annie. 'Really?' said Cyril. 'In that case I'd suggest having a nibble as we go.....would you prefer a picture of a trifle or a recipe for a chocolate cake?' 'Trifle please,' replied Annie. So Cyril tore a page from the book and Annie ate it.

'You're banned!' said Bertha. Cyril looked hurt. 'I'm hurt,' he said. 'Take one step around this side of the desk and you will be,' warned Bertha. 'We're here for my benefit,' said Annie, 'Mr Sir Cyril of Nommingshire is merely present as a friend.' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'so what are you looking for?' 'I'm in search of works which will help to provide me with a greater understanding of the requirements of a person who is contemplating embarking on a career within the teaching establishment with particular reference to cultivating an all round holistic approach,' said Annie. 'I'm not sure I've got anything that specific,' replied Bertha. 'Then I'll have a green one about elves,' mooed Annie and she did a little dance. 'I'll have a look,' replied Bertha. Cyril nudged Annie. 'Also,' said Annie, 'I, me, on my own, was wondering if you had any books about food?...

Norma and Captain Bill arrived at the library. For some reason Bertha was still wearing her safety goggles? 'Good morning!' said Norma. 'Morning!' replied Bertha,'will you be long? Only I'm in the middle of a bit of sculpture.' 'I noticed you were still wearing your safety goggles,' said Norma. 'Well you never know when a sharp object might fly through the air,' replied Bertha and she smiled at Captain Bill. 'We'll try to be as quick as we can,' said Norma,'we just wondered whether you might have some books that would help Captain Bill?' Bertha agreed to have a rummage. 'This one's new!' she said, holding up a thin blue hard backed book. 'It's about understanding fortified wine. It's called 'Know your PORT!'.' 'And you have to shout the last word do you?' asked Norma. 'I like to!' replied Bertha. 'I don't think that one's for us,' said Norma. ...

'Hello,' said Norma. 'Hello,' said Captain Bill,'...have I missed much?' 'Not really,' replied Norma,'Annie spent most of last week climbing up trees!' 'Must be Spring then,' said Captain Bill.'Did she fall out at all?' 'About every ten minutes or so,' replied Norma. 'and Horace is feeling a bit down, so he's hoping to write some good poetry.' 'I'll look forward to hearing it,' said Captain Bill 'So are you ready then?' she asked. 'I suppose so!' said Captain Bill. 'If we must?' 'Come on then,' replied Norma and together they herded off the beach and headed inland. 'I thought we'd start with some theory work,' said Norma as they jogged along,'and then move onto the practical stuff a bit later.' 'OK!' replied Captain Bill. 'So I think the first thing we need to do is visit the library and see what books they have,' added...

'Nothing?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha. 'Nothing at all?' asked Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha for a second time. 'But how many did you find?' '17 books, 12 magazines and 4 pamphlets,' said Bertha. 'And there's nothing about rope in any of them?' mooed Captain Bill. 'No!' said Bertha yet again, 'there is a magazine article on parcels....you can see a ball of string in the corner of one of the photos!' 'I'll have that then,' said Captain Bill after a pause. 'Have you got your library card?' asked Bertha. 'Oh Udders!' said Captain Bill. But at that moment Norma came herding up to them. 'Hello!' she said. 'Hello,' replied Bertha and Captain Bill. 'How are we all?' asked Norma. 'Fine!' they both replied. 'Wonderful!' said Norma. 'Captain Bill's going to look at a picture of string,' said Bertha. 'Oh how nice!...

Morning all, I do wish I could fly you all over for a while! Someone to pick up the other bag for me would be most helpful and the rest of you could help me to collect any books or magazines. Now I must be honest and say that the Cow Island library has not had the attention that it deserves of late. What with all that travelling and then with Ms Camille and her students. But a couple of days of hard work will soon put thing right and the first thing we need to do is to sort out all of the new books. There's been quite a lot washed up over the past few months. The first thing to do is put the library stamp on them and then we can hang them up to dry. Then we'll need to sort out any that have pictures of food and hide them before Cyril eats them! After that we can sort out the rest. I've already spotted quite a few that people will want to borrow. Norma likes a good romance and there's an illustrated guide to the history of depressing poetry that Horace will simply bite h...