Cow Island

Ello subjects! Your Queen speaking! You'll be glad to hear (you will, remember we have plenty of dungeons) that I've collected his little Crownness (isn't he adorable, One don't know how One survived without 'im) and we've switched to his biggest ship. All of which means it's pirate sheep stomping time! 'Brave King rescues grateful poor people.' I think that's the sort of headline we're looking for...and perhaps a few pages of photos in the Sunday's...although experience would suggest that we should settle for anything what don't call for a revolution. The problem is they don't realise what his little Kingshipfulness has to deal with! He's had to cancel 3 garden parties and a brace of banquets just to be 'ere! (cue 'King don't bother turning up' editorial). They seem to think all he has to do is wander around in a big robe wearing a crown. They don't get to see the behind the scenes stuff. I mean, h...

'Right,' said Captain Bill,'I've had a quick chat with Norma about parking...' 'Docking!' corrected Admiral Cholmondley Waldegrave St Clair. 'Docking,' agreed Captain Bill,'docking the Pickled Heifer and the good news is she's raring to go!' The Admiral looked at Captain Bill. 'I don't think this is a job for Norma,' he said. 'OK!' replied Captain Bill,'I can see where you're going on this, possibly time to give Horace a go. I've been considering that myself.' 'Or Horace!' said the Admiral. 'Bertha?' asked Captain Bill,'it would mean changing people around a bit, never good for a crew that sort of thing.' 'Or Bertha!' said the Admiral. 'Cyril? Annie? Actually I think Geraldine's done it before!' mooed Captain Bill. 'You're the Captain,' replied the Admiral,'you're supposed to be able to do anything the crew can do....you can st...

Afternoon all, sorry this is a bit later than usual but it's been all hooves to the....whatever those things are? The fact is these Navy people have been going over the ship with a fine horn comb. The good news is it seems to going well! There's been a couple of times when the Admiral has said that he's never seen anything like it in all his life! And he had to sit down once! If it goes on like this I'm sure we'll pass with flying colours. Of course this is very much as I expected. Right, better get back....enjoy what's left of the weekend. Captain Bill

'But, but poor little.....?' 'NORMA!' called out Norma. 'Poor little Norma can't possible see where we're going!' said Admiral Cholmondley Waldegrave St Clair. 'Sorry were you talking to me?' asked Captain Bill. 'Well of course I was talking to you!' replied the Admiral. 'Oh, she'll be OK!' said Captain Bill,'I've arranged for the installation of a temporary remote navigation aid.' 'But that's just the Penguin with a couple of flags!' exclaimed the Admiral. 'She's very good with them,' mooed Captain Bill,'she's done it before! Anyway, we've done the tour, I imagine you've seen enough, shall we go back ashore?' 'We've only been aboard for half an hour!' replied the Admiral. 'And if I might point out,' said Captain Bill with a flourish,'we've not sunk once!' 'Perhaps,' suggested the Admiral 'that's because we're not going ...

'Wonderful, wonderful!' said Captain Bill,'I have to say that bit about being on the High Sea really made me feel like I...was....on......the High Sea.....anyway perhaps we should hear it again...just to be sure?' 'But we've already listened to it twice!' replied Admiral Cholmondley Waldegrave St Clair,'I mean it's alright if you like that sort of thing...preferred the Penguin myself but there you go, can't be helped!' 'Perhaps a different poem?' suggested Captain Bill. 'But why?' asked the Admiral with a puzzled look on his face. 'Oh,' replied Captain Bill,'I don't think you can underestimate the role of poetry in a modern navy. I've lost count of the number of times we've been in a tricky situation and if it hadn't been for a good emergency poem and of course it's a great comfort to the crew if they've sunk....which of course has never happened...well not recently.' The Admiral drew a ...

'Is this all there is then?' asked Captain Bill. 'I told you before,' replied Norma,'the others have gone to find a new mast.' 'Er?' said Captain Bill 'The tall stick thing that holds the sail up,' replied Norma. 'Right,' said Captain Bill,'....and we have to have one of those?' 'We can't sail the ship without it!' mooed Norma. 'OK,' said Captain Bill. And for a while they stood in silence and watched the two men who were rowing towards them. 'Still,' said Captain Bill at last,'it's not much of a welcoming committee. The Captain's School Handbook clearly states that senior officers are to be piped ashore by a qualified individual using a bosun's whistle... and what do we have? A truly bizarre person wrapped in cotton wool strumming a banjo! I wouldn't be surprised if they took off half a point before they even get out the boat!' 'I heard that!' said Annie, who then herded...