Cow Island

'Make way!' mooed Annie. 'Coming through....make way please!' 'Just how do you manage it?' whispered Norma. Annie stood still and had a think. 'Well, I just pick up the litter and place into Mr Sack,' she replied. 'That's not what I meant,' said Norma. '...as I suspect you know.' Annie giggled. 'I suppose I just have a higher bounce factor,' she said, 'and wonky horns.' 'So you can party all night and still race around at a squillion miles an hour the next day because of wonky horns?' 'It's a theory,' replied Annie, 'I challenge the world to prove me wrong.' 'The world is onto a loser,' said Horace. 'Quite possibly,' added Norma. 'So,' asked Annie, 'do you have anything you wish to dispose of?' 'Just the inside of my head,' replied Norma. Annie held the sack open. 'Tempting,' said Norma, 'so very, very tempting.' 'Well I can't w...

Evening all, Right, hope you can hear me above the noise. I have asked Annie to turn it down, it's well past 10pm. I don't know about you but while I don't mind a party I can't help thinking that everyone tends to go rather over the top. So anyway, I just thought we could have a quick moment together after all the recent excitement. Of course it all turned out pretty much as I was expecting...apart from the whole Penguin of the Year business but I don't see how anyone could have predicted that! I suppose the others will have a new found respect for young Geraldine but I must say, on my own behalf, that it was already there. A major part of top captaincy is spotting both the strengths and weaknesses in your squad and always felt that Geraldine was being rather overlooked..what with her being so small. But things will be different from now on, I may even promote her above Bertha, who let's face it could do with coming down a peg or two. Right I'm off to have a...

'Oh! No! No!' mooed Annie. 'It sounds as if you were asking a larch, they're never good with directions, they don't get around much. For up to the minute navigational guidance you need to talk to an oak or a horse chestnut.' Norma tried to take this in. 'Still you got here in the end,' added Annie. 'It seemed to take for ever though,' replied Norma, 'which I concede may have proved quite useful.' 'You do appear to be non squiffified,' remarked Annie. 'I probably only had one glass,' replied Norma, 'but it must have gone straight to my horns.' 'Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss,' said Annie, '......Anyway, the big question is, do you still have your dancing hooves with you?' Very gingerly Norma waved each hoof in turn. 'Yippee!' said Annie. 'Now do you have a request?' 'Something slow and quiet,' replied Norma. Annie shook her head. 'Something incredibly loud and r...

'You'll have to speak up a bit,' said Cyril. 'I said I'm concerned,' mooed Horace. 'She'll turn up,' said Cyril. 'But it's not like her to miss a party,' replied Horace. 'True,' said Cyril, 'but Bertha's with her.' 'Hmm,' replied Horace, 'I just thought, if you could spare Annie?' 'Sorry old chum,' said Cyril, 'there are quite a few people who've come along just because they know that Annie's running the music. I just can't spare her.' 'Right,' replied Horace. 'I'll tell you what,' said Cyril, 'I'll have a word with her Queenship, she'll have a few flunkies hanging around doing nothing.' 'If you could,' replied Horace, 'just for a quick look around.' 'The thing is,' said Cyril, 'knowing Norma and Bertha, they'll just home in on the sound of the music anyway. If we open a couple of bottles of bubbles and waft ...

'Honestly,' said Captain Bill, 'it's been a real eye opener.' 'I couldn't agree more,' replied Horace, 'and I'm pretty sure I can get several poems out of it.' 'Any limericks?' asked Captain Bill. 'Er?' said Horace. 'Well not to worry,' said Captain Bill, 'just try and get a few laughs into the poetry.' 'You know I'm sometimes not at all sure that you understand poetry,' replied Horace. 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'not sure anyone does really, but what I do understand is just how hard it is waiting on tables.' 'I think my hooves fell off about 2 hours ago,' replied Horace. 'They'll be in a pile somewhere with mine,' said Captain Bill, 'still it's all over now.' 'Err?' said Horace. 'Which means we should be able to look forward to a little peace and quiet.' 'Except,' said Horace. 'And there'll be no chance of Norma and Bert...

'Bertha!' mooed Norma. 'Mmmmm?' said Bertha. 'S'all dark!' 'Tis,' said Bertha. Bertha!' said Norma. 'Mmmmm?' said Bertha. 'Whattimeisit?' '2011.' 'So....did we....did we have a party then...to celebrate the New Year?' 'I think we must have!' replied Bertha. 'Bertha!' called Norma. 'Mmmmm?' 'I....I can't feel my hooves.' 'Must have been dancing,' suggested Bertha. 'Naughty hooves!' mooed Norma. 'Although that would account for where the gramophone is.' 'Where's that?' asked Bertha. 'I'd rather not say,' replied Norma. 'Bertha!' said Norma. 'Mmmmm?' replied Bertha. 'If...if I have a little nap...would you wake me up?' 'When?' asked Bertha. 'April,' said Norma.

'Norma!..........Norma!' called out Camille,'.............Norma, Norma, Norma!' 'Bonjour!' replied Norma sleepily. 'Oh! Thank you!' said Camille. 'Mon pleasurable,' replied Norma. 'Norma,' asked Camille,'Norma, Norma, Norma......why is little Etienne all upside down?' 'Sorrydon'tknow!' replied Norma. '..............................................................................OK!' said Camille. 'Norma,' said Camille. 'Bonjour deux,' said Norma. 'Ma 'ooves ache!' said Camille. 'That'llbethedancing,' said Norma. 'Oh!' said Camille. 'Norma,' said Camille. 'Oui?' said Norma. 'You know that you and Bertha and Annie and 'orace and Cyril and Capitaine Bill and Geraldine....you are ma bestest friends.' 'Sverykindofyoutosayso,' said Norma. 'Norma,' said Camille. But Norma didn't answer because she had fallen asleep again.

'So that is it?' said Camille. 'The end of our adventure?' 'It always feels a bit sad when it happens,' replied Norma, 'but you soon get over it.' 'And then you 'ave another?' asked Camille. 'It seems to be that way,' said Norma. 'I don't think myself or ma little students could take so much excitement,' replied Camille., 'I think all we want to do now is go 'ome and rest our 'ooves in some long wet grass.' 'Well we still have the Mootilus,' said Norma, 'and the pirate balloon, so we can give you a lift if you would like?' 'That would be most welcome,' said Camille. 'But,' called out Bertha who was herding past them, 'I'm afraid that might have to wait a while.' 'But why?' asked Camille. 'Because,' replied Annie, 'before we go any further there's one thing that we simply have to do!' 'And that is?' asked Camille. 'PARTY!!...

Norma decided that it would be best to talk to just one Captain Bill at a time and so she picked the middle one. 'Hello!' she said rather quietly. 'Ah!' replied Captain Bill,'at last!' 'Sorry?' said Norma. 'Nothing,' replied Captain Bill,'nothing at all....feeling OK are we?' 'Mmmm!' said Norma and she tried to move a little bit, but found that her legs were still tired from dancing. 'Enjoyed the party then?' asked Captain Bill. And Norma said she had very much enjoyed the party. 'Didn't over indulge?' asked Captain Bill. And Norma assured Captain Bill that she hadn't. 'It's a pity though,'she added,'there's all that build up to Christmas and then it's all over....still, there's New Year to look forward to!' And Captain Bill held up a small newspaper for Norma to see and pointed at the date on it. 'Crikey!' said Norma. 'Crikey indeed!' mooed Captain Bill and t...

'Please Miss!' said Captain Bill, 'Cyril just threw a snowball at me!' 'Now look here,' replied Norma, 'just be quiet for a minute! This is a live broadcast!' So everyone went quiet for a minute. 'Right,' said Norma. 'Hello everyone, we're going to be off to King Otto's Grand Christmas Fancy Dress Party in a minute. But before we go we just wanted to say a great big Happy Christmas to all of you. Thanks to everyone who takes the time and trouble to come and read about our little adventures, without you we would be wandering about all on our own! We hope you all have a lovely time over the next few days, stay safe and don't eat and drink too much! With any luck we'll be back with you on Monday the 4th of January. Until then.............' And by then the minute was up...and everyone went Christmas crazy!

'I am not,' said Captain Bill, 'going to a party with someone dressed like that!' 'You're just picking on me because I've got wonky horns!' mooed Annie. 'No,' replied Captain Bill, 'I'm picking on you because you've got a Christmas tree balanced on your head!' 'Well I think it's a very commendable effort,' said Bertha, much to everyone's surprise. 'But it could fall on someone!' said Captain Bill, 'I can see the headline now, 'King killed by bizarre Christmas tree hat, see pages 2-573'. Just think what Queen Phoebe would have to say about that!' 'Oh, that's not going to happen!' said Norma, '...Annie can't move fast enough for it to fall over...and the presents we've sown onto her costume will help to weigh her down!' 'So you'll have to reserve the slow dance for her,' added Bertha. 'If you think....!' said Captain Bill. But he didn't bothe...

'I feel ridiculous!'said Captain Bill. 'Look,' replied Bertha,'as Cyril already has a Santa costume it makes sense for all of us to go as his Elves!' 'Well I just find the whole thing humiliating!' mooed Captain Bill. 'But it's a fancy dress party!' said Norma, 'you're supposed to go as something that you're not.' 'You could always go as a brave sea captain!' called out Cyril, but everybody ignored him. 'It's a nice costume anyway,' added Bertha, 'perhaps a little tight, but we can let them out a bit.' 'Then you'll look alllllll Christmassy!' said Norma with a big smile. Captain Bill looked at Norma. 'Have you been drinking?' he asked. 'I may have had a small clover brandy,' replied Norma,'just to keep the cold out!' Captain Bill sighed heavily. 'OK,' he said let's get on with it!' And with that he turned to walk away and immedi...

From the brass horn of the gramaphone small musical notes bobbed and weaved their way out into the open air and moved with effortless easy around the bodies of the swaying guests. Annie danced with Geraldine, Cyril danced with the Calves and Horace danced on his own..but hoped for better things. And down below them, with drinks and cakes and pleasant conversation stood Bertha, Camille, Norma and Captain Bill. 'You know,' said Camille, 'I think this must be the best party I 'ave ever been to!' 'Really?' asked Captain Bill. 'Why yes!' replied Camille, 'there is music and dancing and cake....and more cake..................and even more cake!' 'Well, we aim to please,' said Captain Bill and he offered Camille another slice of cake. 'Actually,' continued Camille,' I must be honest with you all...and this will make you laugh, but before the party started I was a little bit worried about what it would be like. I know you will fin...