Cow Island

'I have to say I think it's wonderful!' said Norma. 'Well you know me,' replied Bertha, 'I wasn't going to just sit around and let the time drift by.' 'It's sort of him but not him,' continued Norma. 'It's as if you've managed to capture the essential inner angst of the poet through a partially abstracted deconstruction of his individual character while still giving us an everyman figure.' 'You can see his bum from around here!' added Annie. 'And it's not your usual material is it?' asked Norma. 'This isn't stone!' 'It's papier mache,' replied Bertha. 'Interesting choice,' remarked Norma. 'I used the rejection letters from his publisher,' replied Bertha. 'He's been having them forwarded here. If you look closely you can still read bits of some of them.' Norma looked closely. 'So you can! They've spelt his name incorrectly on th...

'The thing about your top stars,' explained Cyril, 'you need to limit their public appearances...helps to create a bit of mystic about them.' 'Hmm,' said Norma, 'just so long as it's in her best interest.' 'Would I consider anything else?' asked Cyril. Norma looked at Cyril. 'You know,' she said, 'a thought just occurred to me.' 'And?' asked Cyril. 'Geraldine did actually write this didn't she?' 'On that matter you may rest easy,' replied Cyril. 'She and Annie came to me with the first four chapters already written.' 'Annie as well!' mooed Norma. 'Well someone had to do the translation,' replied Cyril. 'But she never said anything to me,' said Norma. 'Annie can keep a secret if she needs to,' replied Cyril, 'she's far cleverer than anyone gives her credit for.' 'Well I know that,' agreed Norma, '...but still....' 'She's fine...

'He'll work it out eventually,' said Norma. 'I doubt it!' replied Cyril. 'But I spotted it in seconds,' said Norma. 'That doesn't mean he will,' replied Cyril. 'And Bertha was a bit peeved at first,' added Norma, 'so she'll have something to say.' 'Her type always does,' replied Cyril. 'Well I just think you might have been a little more subtle,' continued Norma. 'Surely you could have come up with a better name than Cuddly Bovine Publishing?' 'I don't see why I should have to hide away,' replied Cyril, 'I'm proud of my involvement in the arts.' 'And just what sort of contract did you get Geraldine to sign?' 'She'll be well catered for,' replied Cyril, 'actually in a quite literal sense, seeing as she wanted to be paid in fish.' 'Well I'll be keeping a close eye on your dealings with young Geraldine,' warned Norma, '...although now I co...

'It's quite sympathetically written really,' said Norma. 'I still think it would have been nice if Geraldine had asked first,' replied Bertha. 'I suppose so,' said Norma. 'Well I just don't see it,' mooed Captain Bill, 'you're honestly saying this is based on us?' 'Of course it is!' replied Bertha. 'But I don't see how it can be,' said Captain Bill, 'I mean take this Captain Bert, the man's a complete buffoon!' 'Errrr?' said Norma. 'Look here,' continued Captain Bill, 'on page 47, he manages to sink his ship before he even gets aboard it!' 'Oh, don't give the plot away,' mooed Bertha, 'I haven't got that far yet!' 'Actually I'd forgotten that had happened,' added Norma. 'And he doesn't know his Port from his Starboliarboliboard,' added Captain Bill. 'Well I have to say I'm rather enjoying it,' said Norma. 'It's n...

'Errrm?' said Norma. 'Wellllllll?' said Bertha. 'Extraordinary!!!' said Captain Bill. Norma herded a little closer so she could read the back cover. 'The hilarious misadventures of six comic hippos,' she quoted, 'you'll laugh until you feel like eating a few sardines.' 'Hmm,' said Bertha. 'And.....and Geraldine's actually written this?' queried Captain Bill. 'It would appear so,' replied Norma. 'Incredible!!' said Captain Bill. '500 pages of hilarious mishaps and silliness complete with illustrations,' continued Norma, as she read more of the publicity. 'I rather think I'd like to have a word with young Geraldine,' mooed Bertha. 'You're not the only one,' added Norma. 'I just find it difficult to believe,' said Captain Bill, 'I mean...she doesn't know any hippos!'