Cow Island

'You are 'olding a piece of seaweed,' Camille observed. 'Yes,' Captain Bill replied. 'OK!' Camille continued. 'I 'ave to tell you that if it is intended as a gift for me, then I am wearing ma disappointed face. Also, I am using the word disappointed and furthermore I wish you to imagine that ma little students 'ave 'astily constructed a sign upon which they 'ave written the word disappointed and they are 'olding it up next to ma 'ead like some sort of oversized think bubble.' 'It's not for you,' Captain Bill replied. 'So, now they 'ave added the word 'very' to the sign as it 'as become clear that I am to receive no gift at all!' 'You see,' Captain Bill began. 'I can only conclude that you were distracted from gift buying by your need to build, what in ma eyes appears to be, an 'urriedly made barricade which you are trying, unsuccessfully I must say, to 'id...

You've missed him! You've wanted him! You know you've got to have him! The one...the only...he's back at last! IIIIIIIIIIITTTTT'SSSSSSSSSSS CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! (A fly past, a band and a swoon) Ladies! And let's be honest one or two of you might still be! It's me! The love of your life! How are you? Long time no see. What can I say? Your hair! Don't think I haven't noticed! And you're even prettier! How do you manage it? I know what you're thinking Where has he been? What's he been up to? Tell us all! If only I could. Needless to say, hearts mended, cake eaten, I can still lay my hoof on one if you're interested and it'll only be a crime if we're caught! But mostly I've been thinking of you. I won't say what I've been thinking but we giggled a lot and were both very tired when we'd finished. So I'm back in your life and you're back in mine and there's a road ful...

'Hmm, well,' said Captain Bill, 'I suppose I could have been a little more careful in opening it.' 'It's still a nice card though,' replied Norma. 'Well....yes,' said Captain Bill, '......right better get on.' 'You could always send something in return,' suggested Norma. 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill. 'It's not too late...I'd help you.' '...........I'll think about it,' said Captain Bill. 'Best not to think for too long,' added Norma. 'I've got some spare copies of a pamphlet on rope maintenance.' 'Perhaps you could include a couple of free samples of used string,' said Norma. 'After all you wouldn't want to appear overly formal.' 'Good thinking,' said Captain Bill. And he herded off towards the rope museum and Norma stood shaking her head for a while.

'It wasn't my idea,' said Horace. 'I didn't think it was!' replied Norma. 'And then...' 'I know,' said Norma, 'but they meant well.' 'Was the meal nice?' 'Mmm, I enjoyed it, Cyril's a very good cook.' 'What did you have for dessert?' '5 trifles,' replied Norma, 'there are still a couple left over if you'd like some?' 'I think I could manage a couple...and perhaps something to drink.' 'I'll go and get a selection and you can choose what you want.' 'Thank you,' said Horace. 'My pleasure,' said Norma and she slowly turned to go. 'Norma,' said Horace. 'Yes?' said Norma. 'Perhaps, when I'm feeling better, we could go for a walk sometime.' 'Yes,' said Norma, 'I'd like that, I'd like that a lot.'

Morning all! Well I'm pleased to say that, thanks to some expert planning, things are running very smoothly indeed. I think it's reasonable to suggest that most of this is down to me....and so I will. After all it's one of the subtler points of good captaincy that you allow each member of the team to feel that they have contributed something while all the time knowing that without your own clear headed guidance things would have fallen apart long before. Annie's very basic notion had been built upon layer by layer until the end result is far beyond doubt. From where I stand I can see that Bertha has laid out the table and decorations while to my left the sounds of a busy kitchen greet my ears. And so I think I can say that the lucky couple can look forward to a Valentines day that will be second to none. I of course will maintain my position in the shadows, happy to play out my part with no expectation of thanks but secure in the knowledge of a job superbly done. Until ...

'Perhaps,' suggested Captain Bill, 'if we could just move in a little?' 'But I like it close to the edge,' said Horace, 'it makes me feel alive.' 'I'm sure it does,' replied Captain Bill, 'it's just I'm afraid that if I fall off I'll end up feeling dead....which I'd rather like to avoid.' 'But it's perfectly safe,' said Horace. And he jumped up and down a few times. 'Please don't do that!' said Captain Bill. 'After all we wouldn't want you to come to any harm, not with only a week to go.' 'That's what I wanted to talk to you about,' said Horace. 'I thought it might be,' replied Captain Bill. Horace sighed and looked out across the sea. 'I....I was wondering if you had any advice?' 'ME?' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well you are my Captain,' said Horace. 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, '....erm.....well....erm, I suppose it's a bit like...

'So,' began Captain Bill, 'unless you've all just developed a sudden interest in mending bits of old rope?' 'Which we've not,' said Bertha. 'Then I can safely assume you have another reason for being here?' 'Secret meeting,' replied Bertha. 'Things to discuss,' added Cyril. 'Shall I draw the blinds?' asked Annie. 'Erm?' said Captain Bill. 'Haven't actually got any, what with being outside. Could have some fitted, might cause a bit of a delay though.' 'We'll press on,' said Bertha. And so they did. 'It's about Norma and Horace,' said Bertha. 'What about them?' asked Captain Bill. 'They are but two individuals,' said Cyril. 'Well spotted,' replied Captain Bill. 'No he's not!' mooed Annie. 'He's the only one of us who isn't!' 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'I suspect this may take some time.' And so he went to put the ke...

Oh! Hello everybody.....I've not done this before but, as we appear to have got a bit of spare time, Norma suggested I might like to do a blog. My name is Norman. And I was wondering, if you don't mind me asking, whether there are any lady elephants out there reading this? I like all the usual things, foreign travel, buns, standing in rivers spraying water into the air and I don't mind a bit of tennis. I've done lots of different jobs but tend to lean towards the small business enterprise sort of thing. Only I've been on my own for a while now.... Anyway if you'd like to make contact, my chums will be dropping me off at King Otto's Island and I'll be around there for the foreseeable future...perhaps you could drop me a line? Many thanks for taking the time to read this. Norman : )

'But you said there would be publishers!' said Horace. 'Well, I said I thought there might be, I never actually promised,' replied Norma, who was finding it hard to look at Horace. 'But there are only 3 people out there,' continued Horace, 'and of those, one's asleep, another's facing the wrong way and the last one's the hotel gardner!' 'Oh, I'm sorry,' mooed Norma,'I didn't realise that it would be so quiet. I didn't know it was so close to the end of the holiday season..maybe a few more will turn up and you never know, if only 1 of them is a publisher it could be the breakthrough you need and anyway I need you to do this so we can get Norman out the back without anyone seeing him!' 'Well I don't think there's much risk of that!' replied Horace. 'But you said you would!' said Norma and she very shyly glanced up at Horace. 'If you were else I'd say no!' replied Horace. And Norma...