Cow Island

'I've seen it,' Captain Bill said. 'I was just on my way to the museum when a staple whizzed past and a balloon landed on me hat!' Norma put the flyer down. 'There must be lots of people involved in making a film,' Norma replied. 'I'm sure there are,' Captain Bill said. 'Some of them might be interested in rope,' Norma added. 'They might even want to make a film about the museum?' '.........................................................True!' Captain Bill mooed. 'And that's the only reason that you're suggesting for wanting to go?' 'Well,' Norma said. 'The words, 'free costumes, including hats' wouldn't be influencing you?' Norma had always had a problem with certain types of fibs. 'Possibly,' she replied, 'but it would be so lovely to have an adventure.' 'In your opinion,' Captain Bill said. 'And obviously,' Norma contin...

'My rope!' Captain Bill wailed. 'My lovely rope!.......My rope!' Annie leaned across toward Cyril. 'Is that Captain Eyepatch?' she asked and Cyril nodded. 'I was just checking,' Annie continued and she did a very brief dance. 'My rope!' Captain Bill repeated. '...............................Ruined!' 'Shame!' Cyril said. 'Don't you give me that,' Captain Bill snapped. 'As if you care! It probably all looks the same to you but this is my life's work. A collection built up over years, just cast out into the sand to rot. Don't you go pretending that it means anything to you.' Cyril looked at the piece of rope that Captain Bill was holding. 'Seven strand,' he began, 'anticlockwise, twisty twisty, unless I'm very much mistaken...which I seldom am. Classic light yacht rope. Very rare these days.' Captain Bill's mouth fell open. 'See,' Cyril continued, 'y...

'So, that's everyone asked apart from Bertha.' 'And how is Madame Shouty?' Captain Bill asked. 'I do wish you wouldn't,' Norma replied, 'and she's fine as far as I know. I'm off to see her next.' 'Do give her my antipathy.' 'Couldn't you make just some effort to get along with her?' Norma asked. 'I do,' Captain Bill replied. 'But you haven't spoken to her for months now.' 'Works for me!' said Captain Bill. Norma's horns slumped just a little. 'Well, after I've seen her I thought we should all get together and decide where we want to go.' 'You mean a meeting?' said Captain Bill. 'Yes,' Norma replied. 'Down on the beach.' 'Oh joy!' And Norma's horns slumped a little more. 'I'll be getting along then,' she said and she went to move away. 'Before I go,' she added, 'and I don't want y...

'I knew you'd be interested,' Captain Bill explained, 'as soon as I saw you heading this way.' 'But I wasn't heading this way,' Horace replied. 'I was going in a completely different direction when you shouted at me from at least half a mile away and told me to come over.' '....................................................Quibbling,' said Captain Bill. 'So, what do you think?' 'It's a sack full of old rope?' 'Exactly! Fancy lending me a hoof?' 'Are you throwing it away?' Horace asked. 'Away? No, no! I've just bought it.' 'Why?' 'Because it's rope...it's interesting...and it's not just rope, there's cord and some string as well.' 'And you've just bought it?' 'Yes!' 'With money?' 'Yes!' '.................................................................Would it be OK if I left now?' ...

Norma herded gently down the slope; the soft Spring grass warm beneath her hooves. The clouds above her drifted gently by, then stopped, had a good look at Cow Island and decided it was best to drift on. A butterfly called Lionel rested lazily upon her tail hat. 'Hello,' she said. 'Mwello,' Captain Bill replied, because he had something in his mouth. 'It arrived then?' Captain Bill proffered the something in his mouth. Norma took it and read out aloud. 'From The Small Island Supply Company. Please find attached 1 sack, contents as agreed.' 'There could be some real gems in here,' said Captain Bill. Norma peered over Captain Bill's horns. 'So you really have spent money on old rope?' she asked. 'It's not just rope,' Captain Bill replied. 'There's string and cord and twine! All museum quality.' 'It must be difficult to contain your excitement?' Norma suggested. Captain Bill nodded....

'Go away!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Shoo! Shoo!' 'I assume you're not talking to me?' said Norma. 'Mmm? No! No!' replied Captain Bill. 'So do you really only have a few copies left?' Captain Bill put down his broom and looked forlornly at the small pile of magazines on the table. 'I only had a few copies to start with,' he replied. 'I suppose launching a magazine on an island that only has 6 people living on it was always going to be a gamble,' said Norma. 'Don't forget Geraldine,' reminded Captain Bill. 'She's a very avid reader so I'm told.' 'So has she bought a copy?' asked Norma. '......................No!' said Captain Bill. 'It might be that I have to rely more on the overseas market. I may need to give the next issue more of an international flavour. Ropes around the World, Hemp across the Hemisphere.' 'Global knots you may not know.' 'Y...

'Are you sure?' asked Annie. 'I'm sure,' replied Captain Bill. 'Sure?' asked Annie. 'Sure!' replied Captain Bill. 'Sure?' 'Sure!' 'Sure? 'Sure!' 'Sure?' 'Sure!' 'Only sometimes people get married without realising it.' 'I have not got married!' replied Captain Bill. 'I was married to a halibut for seven years without knowing about it and...hang on...I may have dreamt that!' said Annie. 'I am NOT married!'  'Then why are you covered in...' 'IT'S NOT CONFETTI!' shouted Captain Bill. '..........................................You're only shouting at me because I've got wonky horns aren't you?' asked Annie. 'I am shouting at you because you're the most annoying person that I've ever met!' replied Captain Bill. 'You need to meet more people,' said Annie. But before the convers...

'I thought you said we'd keep them a long way away!' mooed Captain Bill. 'That was the intention!' replied Norma. 'They seem to have had different ideas!' 'Muo mont me mu mo mer mope met?' asked Horace. 'Not yet!' replied Norma. 'And how come they suddenly got so close so quickly?' asked Captain Bill. 'I suppose it's just a pirate thing!' replied Norma. 'I guess they must get quite good at sailing up to you.' 'Well they shouldn't be!' said Captain Bill. 'Too late to do anything about it now!' replied Norma. 'We'll just have to play along with them. At least it must mean that our disguises are good enough.' 'Mow?' said Horace. 'Not yet!' replied Norma. '...................Couldn't we just go home?' asked Captain Bill. 'Sorry!' replied Norma. 'Just try to think piratey thoughts!' 'I'm not sure what they are...

'Mime moing mup!' said Annie 'Moam mi!' mooed Horace. 'We need more weight on rope 16!' called out Bertha. 'I'll use Geraldine!' replied Norma. Norma quickly signalled across to the other side of the Think Thunk machine and Geraldine ran across as quickly as her little penguin legs would allow. 'A mengiming! A mengiming!' shouted Annie. 'Situation stabilising!' reported Bertha. 'Is Cyril alright on his own without Geraldine?' asked Norma. 'Seems to be,' replied Bertha, 'he's just tying off now.' And the 'you know what' moved higher. 'Not far to go now,' observed Norma. 'Just checking the vertical line,' replied Bertha, 'and then it's one more to go.' 'OK!' said Bertha. 'Cyril!' called out Norma. 'Rope 17 please! Cyril! Cyril put down the trifle! CYRIL! CYRIL STEP AWAY FROM THE TRIFLE NOW!' 'Too late!' said ...

'So I thought it would be quite expensive but then Lord Sir Cyril of Cheapdisguiseshire explained that because there was a Q an X and a Z in the month we didn't have to pay anything!' 'Really!' said Norma. 'Erm....how lucky for you!'  'I suppose we were just fortunate that it was the last day of Juqxzly,' replied Annie. 'And would I be correct in guessing that they threw in free delivery as well?' asked Norma. 'I was going to ask them about that,' replied Annie, 'but my chum said that the quarry pixies needed their sleep and so it would be best not to disturb them.' Norma looked at Annie and then rolled her eyes skyward. '.......So moving on,' she continued, 'as you can see the Mark 1 Think Thunk making machine is almost finished.' 'It's almost not quite exactly how I imagined it,' said Annie. 'That's good to hear,' replied Norma, 'and we've carried out some tr...

'Where as if you look closely you'll see that number 3 is ever so slightly more twisty than number 2 which is in itself ever so, ever so slightly more twisty than number 1 which is why it's use aboard ship is restricted to only those jobs which require a very high degree of twistyness,' concluded Captain Bill, '...........you'll have to look closely,' he reminded. Queen Phoebe glanced at the sample in question. 'So,' she asked, 'do you have all of this written down on the back of the board then?' 'Certainly not!' mooed Captain Bill. 'So...so you've actually learnt all this?' 'Indeed!' replied Captain Bill proudly. 'Right,' said Queen Phoebe. 'You can borrow them if you want to?' said Captain Bill. 'Not sure I could cope?' replied Queen Phoebe. 'Well have them for a couple of days and then I could always bring you some more,' suggested Captain Bill. 'You...