Cow Island

'We're very sorry your Queenship!' panted Norma. 'But we do need to move very quickly,' added Bertha. 'Well One thinks it's a blooming liberty!' exclaimed Queen Phoebe. 'Being carried about like this isn't at all dignified. One normally has properly trained flunkies to do this sort of thing and you haven't even had the kindness to explain what's going on!' Bertha stopped and put Queen Phoebe down. 'Pirate sheep!' said Norma. 'And they've taken our ship!' continued Bertha. 'And they're heading that way,' Norma finished and she pointed with her tail at the fast disappearing Pickled Heifer. 'Well why didn't you say so earlier!' said Queen Phoebe. 'There haint no time to lose! Onward!' And so Bertha picked up Queen Phoebe and they all stampeded off in pursuit of Norman, Annie and Geraldine. 'We shall hunt them down!' cried Queen Phoebe. 'They shall have ...

'Well,' said Norma, 'I suppose it is a bit like kiss chase but you'd have to replace the word 'kiss' with the words 'horrible pointy sword death'.' 'Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!' mooed Annie. 'That doesn't sound like anywhere near as much fun.' 'Indeed!' replied Norma. 'Which is why I'm suggesting to you that you don't go back for your hat and we simply knit you another one once we're safely home.' 'Perhaps I could get the shrimps to knit if for me?' said Annie. 'I'm sure they've been missing you,' replied Norma. 'Now maybe we should concentrate on catching up with the others?' 'Queen Whateverhernameis can run very quickly considering that she's only got two legs!' said Annie. 'It's come as a surprise to me as well!' replied Norma.  'Perhaps she's got fifteen tiny invisible legs that she only uses for special occasions?...

'We could!' bleated Flossie. 'Shouldn't really though,' replied Lefty. 'Nobodies looking!' added Flossie. 'And we need to get on.' 'It's your call,' replied Lefty. So Flossie gave the signal and the flock picked up the pace. 'It's not really running anyway,' continued Flossie. 'More of a slight jog.' 'Still covered in the rules though,' replied Lefty. Flossie slowed to a halt. 'You know,' he began, 'I'm tempted to get out of the whole pirate game.' 'Never!' said Lefty. 'Well, it's just no fun anymore,' replied Flossie. 'It used to be. It's all got just...too regulated.' 'But, but what you do?' asked Lefty. 'I dunno,' replied Flossie, 'maybe just get my head stuck through a fence for a while, give myself time to think things through.' 'You'd miss it though,' said Lefty. 'The camaraderie, the s...

'Really!' bleated Flossie as he ran along,'there used to be a time when you could leave a balloon around without having to even place a guard on it!' 'People just don't seem to have any respect these days,' agreed Lefty. 'Anyway lads,' called out Flossie,'we can catch 'em up! The Mint Sauce is still the quickest ship on the high seas.' 'Lads are looking forward to a chase!' bleated Lefty. 'Good lads, brave lads,'puffed Flossie,'and seeing as how the need is pressing, just for once, while we're on the way to the harbour, I'll turn a blind eye to the whole running with swords and pointy things issue.' 'What about muskets?' called out a sheep from the back. 'Well,' replied Flossie,'obviously because of pressure of circumstances I would say any general personal weapon would be covered.' 'What about a cannon?' called out another sheep. 'A cannon?' replied Flossie,...

'S'OK,' gasped Captain Bill,'you go on...leave me....I'll just lay here and nibble some bits of grass until I die...it won't be long now!' 'Oh, don't talk such rubbish!' replied Bertha,'we've not even got around the Island once yet!' 'Once!' mooed Captain Bill,'Once! You mean you want to go around more than once?' 'I was thinking at least twice,' replied Bertha and Captain Bill moaned. 'Not possible!' he said,'I'll have no hooves left by then.' 'Nonsense!' exclaimed Bertha,'now are you getting up or do I have to go and find a pointy stick?' 'Why do you hate me so?' asked Captain Bill. And Bertha reached up and took a large roll of paper that she had hidden in the sweat band that was around her horn. 'Oh, you didn't have to make a list!' said Captain Bill, but it was too late. 'One,' began Bertha,'you give up too easily. Two, you pr...

'Exercise????' mooed Captain Bill. 'Yes!' said Norma,'it's good for you and it'll make you feel better about yourself.' 'But I'm quite happy with myself already!' replied Captain Bill,'mostly.' 'Then it's the 'mostly' that we need to work on,' said Norma,'and I'm sure it'll help you in lots of other ways. It'll be good for concentration and coordination and alertness and so, so much more!' Captain Bill looked from Norma to Bertha and back to Norma again. 'Do we have to have?' and here he nodded slightly towards Bertha. 'Oh yes!' replied Norma and then she took off her t-shirt and headband and gave them to Captain Bill. 'Have a nice time and I'll look forward to seeing you when you get back.' 'WHAT!' said Captain Bill. 'I've got to get some ironing done,' replied Norma,'but Bertha will take care of you.' And with that Norma hurr...