Cow Island

'........head completely stuck in it,' Norma concluded. 'If it would help I could stampede over and staple it permanently in place?' offered Bertha . 'I managed to get him free eventually,' Norma replied. 'At least so he can see where he's going.' 'Pity,' mooed Bertha. It's his stubbornness that I find so wearing,' Norma continued. 'It's his stupidity I've always had a problem with,' replied Bertha. Norma sighed. 'The sculpture's looking good,' she said to change the subject. 'Could be better.' 'Have you thought of a title for it yet?' 'Hmm,' said Bertha, 'I was toying with 'The lies that we tell others to hide our loneliness', but I'm not sure that's pretentious enough.' 'And you're safe up there?' 'I've fallen off a couple of times but it's only scratches and bruises.' 'There's no point in askin...

Good morning everyone!  Now it's been a very long time since we had a chat but that's no excuse for allowing bad posture to creep in, so do sit up straight! How are you? Unlike some people I really am interested. Have you managed to do any studying? A course or two perhaps? Push the boundaries and never be afraid to fail! Now I'm reading the book on sculpture first, if I try knitting while my lovely captain is getting us underway I'll drop too many stitches. You might notice a few changes, I think the plants soften things up a little and the hat keeps the sun off as there's no shade at all up here. As for leaving the harbour, for those of you familiar with our escapades you might expect me to report that we've been going around in circles for the last few hours but interestingly I can report that we've also achieved several ovals, a square and a rhomboid! We've not actually hit anything as long as you don't include glancing blows and Ann...

'I have to say I think it's wonderful!' said Norma. 'Well you know me,' replied Bertha, 'I wasn't going to just sit around and let the time drift by.' 'It's sort of him but not him,' continued Norma. 'It's as if you've managed to capture the essential inner angst of the poet through a partially abstracted deconstruction of his individual character while still giving us an everyman figure.' 'You can see his bum from around here!' added Annie. 'And it's not your usual material is it?' asked Norma. 'This isn't stone!' 'It's papier mache,' replied Bertha. 'Interesting choice,' remarked Norma. 'I used the rejection letters from his publisher,' replied Bertha. 'He's been having them forwarded here. If you look closely you can still read bits of some of them.' Norma looked closely. 'So you can! They've spelt his name incorrectly on th...

'But it just doesn't speak to me!' mooed Bertha. 'I think it's quite nice,' replied Horace. 'But it's too staid,' continued Bertha, 'sculpture should challenge the viewer...I'd have taken a completely different approach!' 'Hmmm, I think you're taking it all a bit too seriously,' replied Horace. 'After all everybody has the right to see the world around them in their own fashion and anyway I think it's good of them to have a little museum onboard. You should just try to relax and enjoy it.' 'Enjoy it! exclaimed Bertha. 'It's a perfectly justifiable approach,' replied Horace,'just to enjoy something. It doesn't always have to be some overblown artistic struggle.' Bertha huffed. 'The paintings are just the same,' she added, 'dull, dull, dull...and everyone a landscape!' 'I think that one's pretty,' suggested Horace. 'OH PRETTY!' replied Bertha,...

Norma and Captain Bill arrived at the library. For some reason Bertha was still wearing her safety goggles? 'Good morning!' said Norma. 'Morning!' replied Bertha,'will you be long? Only I'm in the middle of a bit of sculpture.' 'I noticed you were still wearing your safety goggles,' said Norma. 'Well you never know when a sharp object might fly through the air,' replied Bertha and she smiled at Captain Bill. 'We'll try to be as quick as we can,' said Norma,'we just wondered whether you might have some books that would help Captain Bill?' Bertha agreed to have a rummage. 'This one's new!' she said, holding up a thin blue hard backed book. 'It's about understanding fortified wine. It's called 'Know your PORT!'.' 'And you have to shout the last word do you?' asked Norma. 'I like to!' replied Bertha. 'I don't think that one's for us,' said Norma. ...

Morning all, Bertha here! It's been a while since I've done any sculpture but for some reason I find that at the moment I have a strong desire TO HIT THINGS! So I thought that I'd come and do a bit of creative work. It seems to be helping. And let's face it, there's going to be plenty of time TO HIT THINGS in the coming months because without a properly appointed captain we can't actually sail the Pickled Heifer, it's just not allowed. THANK YOU SO MUCH EX-CAPTAIN BILL! Sorry, I do get a bit shouty about these things but I don't believe in keeping quiet for the sake of it. Right I think I'll just do a little bit more finishing off on this piece and then move onto the next 5 ton block. Thank you so much for your attention...do have a nice day! Bertha

So who is Bertha and why should you want to know her? Bertha is not in charge... at least not on paper but she finds it difficult to just stand back and watch Captain Bill mess it up for the squillionth time. So she gets 'involved'. Now this often works and things move forward and everyone benefits... but you can't help wanting her to be a bit more diplomatic about it. And when she's not sitting up in the Cows nest what else does she get up to? She runs the Cow Island Library (new members always welcome, please return on time) and then to relax she has her sculptures. The chance to stand in a big, wide open space and bash the heck out of large slabs of rock... it's what Bertha was made for.