Cow Island

'So then she said it was all my fault and sacked me!' said Norman. Annie gave Norman a hug. 'Is that because you feel sorry for me or because you like hugging me?' asked Norman. 'A bit of both,' replied Annie and she gave Norman another hug. 'I said to her,' said Norman, 'I said, I couldn't be expected to be everywhere at once....but still, the fact is, at the end of the day, I'm no longer head of security.' Annie administered a third and fourth hug. 'So what now?' she asked. 'Just this part time gardening,' replied Norman, 'but it's not the same, the thrill has gone, let's face it there simply aren't as many life or death moments in the world of herbaceous borders.' Annie dug deep and found an unused pack of huglettes. 'So I was thinking,' continued Norman, 'maybe I should just quit and go undercover in a relentless pursuit of the criminal mastermind who perpetrated this heinous act of roya...

Morning all! Now do try to sit up straight when working a s a secret agent. Just because you're involved with a life or death struggle against ruthless pirate sheep, that's no reason to forget good posture. Personally I think a more direct approach would be better. An effective, well organised stampede could see the whole thing over and done with pretty quickly! The problem these days is that people get too worried about the consequences. From what I remember about Camille's little students, I'm certain that they'll be able to take care of themselves. Anyway, on with the problem in hoof. What's this I see before me? It looks like a letter casually abandoned in a rubbish bin! Perhaps I should remove it and have a read? Who knows what it might contain? Onward Bertha

Morning everyone, Just thought I'd let you know, everything so far is going to plan. I can report that Cyril and Captain Bill have made 1st contact with the opposition. Luckily that 3rd arm makes it quite easy to pick out Captain Bill, so well done Annie! Cyril's also quite easy to spot but that's because he's several times larger than anyone else. With a bit of luck they'll be able to find out where Ms Camille and her little students are being held and then we can really get this show on the road! Until then we'll just have to sit tight and nibble a hedge. Take care, do have a nice weekend... Norma

'I feel a fool!' grumbled Captain Bill. Cyril stopped and turned towards him. 'That's because you look like one,' he replied. 'And why has my costume got 3 arms?' asked Captain Bill. 'How many did you ask for?' replied Cyril. 'Ask for?' questioned Captain Bill. 'Ask for!' replied Cyril. 'I didn't ask for any!' 'Well think yourself lucky to have got 3 then!' said Cyril,'I only got 2.' 'We'll never get away with this,' continued Captain Bill,'they'll spot us in seconds!' Cyril thought for moment. 'Let's do it anyway!' he mooed and headed off down the hill. 'We could emigrate!' called out Captain Bill as he followed him,'nobody would ever know...'

You've missed him! You've worried about him....really you have, don't try to deny it! But now he's back...and it is him...honest! Iiiiitttt'sssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Morning Chums or should I say, the cake of my friend has been eaten by the fat cow. Be honest if you'd seen me in the street you'd have just kept on walking. It's a disguise par excellent even if I do say so myself. My only concern is that my innate sexiness might just give me away? I guess it's just a risk I'll have to take. After all there's a damsel and her pupils to be rescued and fate insists I be there (no honestly I had a postcard). So if we never meet again remember.... There is some corner of a foreign field, well quite a big corner, probably closer to a whole field and a couple of hillsides, that is forever Cyril town. Hugs, snogs (you know it's what you want!) Cyril (secret agent and part time restaurant critic)

'Well he was a very nice man!' said Annie as she and Horace ambled along. 'Indeed!' replied Horace. 'He said my false beard was one of the best he'd ever seen,' continued Annie. 'And he liked my mustache,' added Horace. 'Did you twirl it?' asked Annie,'I never think a false mustache is a true false mustache unless you twirl it.' 'I did!' replied Horace,'and we found out some more about Ms Camille.' 'We've done very well!' replied Annie. And for a while they ambled on. 'So what do you think has actually happened to Ms Camille and her little students?' asked Horace after a while. Annie stopped and thought. 'On the whole,' she replied,'I'm leaning towards them having been eaten by giant killer giraffes.' 'Oh no!' exclaimed Horace,'don't say that, that's awful....almost nothing rhymes with giraffe!' 'How about a giant killer armchair?' ask...

'Adventure?' mooed Captain Bill,'why do we have to start referring to it as an adventure?' 'Oh! It's definitely an adventure!' replied Bertha. 'Definitely!' agreed Norma. 'Just because Ms Camille's a bit late?' Bertha and Norma said that that was enough. 'Couldn't she just have got the dates mixed up?' asked Captain Bill. Bertha and Norma looked at each other and then at Captain Bill. 'Well it's possible!' said Captain Bill. 'Not....a......chance!' replied Norma. 'We know an adventure when we see one!' added Bertha. 'So what do you propose that we do now that we're 'in an adventure'?' asked Captain Bill. 'Gather intelligence,' replied Bertha. 'We've already sent out two top undercover agents,' said Norma. 'Top?' questioned Captain Bill. And even Norma was forced to concede that that was pushing it a bit.