Cow Island

'That really is some list!' said Flossie. 'I've ticked the essentials,' replied Lefty. 'We don't have to get the other stuff, but it would be nice.' 'Not sure we'll be able to carry it all anyway?' said Flossie. 'Aha!' bleated Lefty. 'Item number one on the list!' And he held up the list for Flossie to see. 'If we start by stealing that we can put everything else in it.' 'Genius!' replied Flossie. 'I aim to please,' said Lefty. 'So we can get everything?' 'Hoping so,' replied Lefty. 'Top pirating!' said Flossie. 'Well, as far as I can see, it's full sail ahead.' 'Lads are very much up for it,' replied Lefty. 'But they were wondering, no pressure here,  if you'd decided how we're going to get in?' 'Had a think about it,' explained Flossie. 'And there's a big main entrance. Thought we might just walk th...

'They still didn't have any of those vanilla wafers,' bleated Lefty. 'That's poor,' replied Flossie. 'In this day and age there's really no excuse for not maintaining a reasonable stock level.' 'Apparently they were expecting a new consignment but the ship was attacked by pirates.' 'The irony of the situation is not lost upon me,' sighed Flossie. 'But anyway,' continued Lefty, 'while we were on the way back, Dave spotted the catalogues, in one of those weatherproof plastic things outside the factory.' 'Nicely explained,' said Flossie. 'I tried to do it as naturally as possible,' replied Lefty. 'Mission accomplished!' said Flossie. 'So, on with the brochure perusal?' 'At first glance it's even better than we'd hoped.' 'Indeed!' replied Flossie. 'I don't think I've been this excited since the last time I was this excited.' Hoo...

'You as well!' said Norma. 'At least I'm carrying a sword!' 'Onebody even suggested my horns might be too pointy!' replied Bertha. 'I'm certainly changing my mind about what it's like to be a pirate,' added Norma. 'Anyhow, you were saying?' 'Yes!'said Bertha, 'In the end he got went back and got one with a toasting fork attachment.' 'But he doesn't need one!' replied Norma. 'I know!' mooed Bertha. 'But he wouldn't listen and he took out the extended warranty!' 'That's where they get you every time!' replied Norma. 'Still I've managed to pick up one or two things myself,' continued Bertha. 'A book on pirate librarians and there's a stall doing knitting patterns.' 'We saw that,' replied Norma, 'I hoping to get back there later, which ones did you get?' 'Erm?' said Bertha. 'There's a hat in the shape of...

'Well I think it's a nice shop!' mooed Annie,'they certainly do a very good range of hats!' 'They could do with some signs though,' said Horace,'I suspect it may take a long time to locate the poetry department....if they even have one?' 'At least we're not in the basement for once,' replied Annie and everyone agreed that that was a good thing. 'Seem a bit short of staff as well,' muttered Cyril a little while later. 'Perhaps somebody bought them?' replied Annie. 'Do people actually do that?' questioned Horace. 'All the time!' replied Annie. 'Has anybody seen any sort of food?' asked Cyril,'restaurant, snack bar, vending machine.......big notice saying 'free nibbles, all you can eat''. But the others said they hadn't. 'Wait a moment!' said Horace,'is that someone calling?' 'No, that was my stomachs,' replied Cyril,'that's why I was ask...

Hello everyone, Norma here! First of all, if it's not too late, can I just say a very happy new year to all of you. I do hope that you had a lovely time...Bertha tells me that I did! Anyway, back to today, I must confess that I have missed our little Saturday chats. You'll be pleased to hear that I got the curtains and a couple of other bargains as well...quite a few actually, but it's only once a year and it's all things that we need. So now we can get it all aboard and then set sail for home (I think Captain Bill's rather keen to get going). I must say it'll be nice to underway, although the weather does look to be blowing up a bit. Right I'd better be doing things. Hugs to you all! Norma

Morning all, Bertha here! First of all are you wrapping up warm? Hats, scarves and hoof mittens, that's the order of the day! Now it's very easy to get carried away when you're doing your Christmas shopping, so it's vital that you make a list...and then stick to it! Some people (Norma) tend to start out being quite sensible about things and then get caught up in a veritable blizzard of buying! I write down all the names of the people that I have to buy for and then think of 3 presents for each person. 1 sensible present, 1 silly present and then a little extra prezzie because I like to do that sort of thing. But do remember not to go spending more than you can afford, that won't do at all! Of course the next thing to do is wrap them up. This needs to be done with good quality paper and little bits of ribbon. Make sure that you make sharp creases in your paper and don't skimp on the sticky tape. Then add a tag and you're done! Right, I've just got a few m...

'Hello!' said Norma. 'Oh, hello!' replied Captain Bill. 'Have you found anything yet?' asked Norma, who seemed to be carrying a VERY large satchel. 'Not really,' replied Captain Bill,'you know there isn't a single stall selling Christmas rope!' 'That's a shame,' said Norma, 'but I thought the idea was really about buying Christmas presents for the others. I've managed to pick up a couple of bits so far. I got little note book for Horace and some soap for Annie in the shape of a string quartet!' 'Excellent!' said Captain Bill. 'So have you got anything yet for Bertha?' asked Norma and Captain Bill looked particularly troubled. 'There was a chisel sharpening set a couple of stalls back,' he replied. 'That's not very feminine,' said Norma. 'Well she does sculpture!' replied Captain Bill,'they'd be useful! Anyway, what do you buy the woman who criticises everything?' ...

'Well it's too late now anyway,' said Bertha,'I've said we will!' 'But you had no right to do that!' mooed Captain Bill,'....you know I like to be at home at Christmas!' 'Oh, I don't think it'll hurt for 1 year,' said Norma,'and I do think that Queen Phoebe was feeling a bit guilty about all the trouble that she put us to.' Captain Bill stared at Norma. 'Well as close as she gets to feeling guilty!' added Norma. 'And it'll be nice to be around some other people who actually enjoy Christmas,' said Bertha. 'I enjoy it!' replied Captain Bill,'perhaps not in an outward showy way, but I'm happy on the inside!' And Bertha and Norma said nothing. 'Anyway,' continued Captain Bill,'I can't see that it'll be any different being here!' 'But there's going to be a party!' said Norma. 'And before that there's a Christmas fair opening at the weekend!'...

'Hopeless! Absolutely hopeless!' moaned Captain Bill. 'Now that just isn't fair!' replied Bertha 'it was hats after all.' 'But why can't we just go somewhere for once without it ending in chaos?' continued Captain Bill. 'Well it wasn't really our fault,' replied Bertha 'if the assistant had let go when I was shouting at her to do so then Norma would never have stampeded.' Norma looked rather embarrassed. 'And what about them?' said Captain Bill, pointing at Annie, Horace and Geraldine. 'Don't pick on us!' mooed Annie 'it got stuck in gear.' 'You were supposed to be keeping an eye on her!' said Captain Bill. 'Well we did eventually,' called out Norma. 'Only because they turned up in the hat department on the back of a sit on lawn mower!' replied Captain Bill. 'We never went anywhere near the hull.' said Annie. But Captain Bill ignored her. 'Oh well!' he said ev...

Morning all, Bertha here, just taking a moment out to let you know that the good news is Norma and I are almost finished. Of course it's not been easy, this is hats after all! But we've been through most of them and have narrowed things down quite a bit. Now I'm not one to complain but I have to say that the attitude of the staff has left a little to be desired this time around. There are a lot of signs around here that clearly say that the staff are here to help. But 3 days later and what do you find? To me it's obvious that there's no way you can make an initial selection until you've tried on ALL the hats and left them out so that you can compare them and arrange them into some sort of order of wantedness. Do the staff understand this? NO! As you might have guessed I tend to lose my temper a bit, so thank heavens for Norma that's all I can say. Her ability to stay calm and diplomatic really comes into it's own at times like these. Right, last 70 hats...

Helllllooooooo, Annie here, and I'm feeling just a tad let down! As regular readers will know, I wanted to get a my new little chum a prezzie. Now Norma (my best friend) had advised against getting a tractor and, after a medium sized think, I decided to follow her advice. So I decided to get... a sit on lawn mower! So you can imagine my disappointment to find that when we got to the Penguin department, they only make 5 different models. What sort of range is that?! Sometimes manufacturers fail to spot a golden opportunity. Anyway, I've picked out this one as it gives Geraldine good all around visibility and a free fish dispenser. Now we're just seeing if we can arrange for a test drive. I hope that you're having a cake filled day, Hugs and... something else... don't know what really. Annie

Morning all, Bertha here, hurrying off towards the hat department. We have just stopped off by the perfumes though. Now I'm not one for a lot of that sort of thing but when you're at the top of the mast in a raging gale, a little something dabbed behind the horns allows you to remain in touch with your feminine side. The problem is there are so many to choose from and I always end up by panicking and buying the same one. There is a new one called 'Midnight Stampede' which promises romance or your money back but I don't think I'm likely to meet someone at the top of the 'Pickled Heifer'. I asked Annie what she thought of it and she said it tasted like seaweed! Norma has suggested that we all buy for each other but I'm not sure about that and anyway after you've been here for 5 minutes they all smell the same anyway. Why do I always end up in a tizz in situations like this; I'm normally so decisive! I'm going to buy 'Long Grasssss' ...

'Oh you can barely tell,' said Norma. 'It's a great big patch!' replied Captain Bill. 'You're just assuming that's from Annie's little accident,' continued Norma 'they might have had woodworm.' 'WOODWORM!' said Captain Bill, 'Woodworm! ...Woodelephants with a good run up couldn't have caused that sort of damage.' 'Well they've obviously repaired it all,' chipped in Bertha 'so I really don't see what all the fuss is about.' 'The fuss,' replied Captain Bill 'is because whenever we visit here it always goes spectacularly wrong.' 'Well it won't this time,' said Norma 'Bertha and I will keep a close eye on Annie annnnnnnnddddddd should we become momentarily distracted by hats I've asked Horace to come with us, so he can take over.' 'And you think that will help?' asked Captain Bill. 'Possibly,' replied Norma. 'So that just leaves you with Cy...

'NO!' said Captain Bill. 'But it wouldn't take long,' replied Norma, 'only a couple of hours.' 'We've already sorted out our top 100,' added Bertha and she waved the 'Summer Hats' catalogue at Captain Bill. 'No, no, no, no, no!' said Captain Bill, '...no!' 'Oh why not?' asked Norma. 'WHY!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Well let's see, on previous visits Horace destroyed the poetry department, Cyril and Annie got chased through the china department, you two...' 'We know what happened to us,' interrupted Bertha, ' we were there.' 'And,' continued Captain Bill 'to round it all off, last time we went shopping at Sneeegle and Fitch, someone and I think we all know who, went berserk with a chain saw and sank the entire store!' 'You're only picking on me because I've got wonky horns!' called out Annie from her hammock. Captain Bill ignored her. 'Well I'm s...