Cow Island

'Hello Norman!' said Norma. 'I'm afraid I can't answer that Ma'am,' replied Norman. 'Why not?' asked Norma. 'I'm afraid I can't tell you that Ma'am,' said Norman. 'Why not?' asked Norma. 'I'm afraid I can't tell that either Ma'am,' said Norman. 'Well what can you tell us?' asked Bertha. 'Oh! hang on!' replied Norman, 'I've got it written down. I can tell you the time, how to get stones out of horses hooves and the way to the bus station.' 'I didn't think there was a bus station?' said Norma. 'That's what I'm allowed to tell you,' replied Norman. 'Look Norman,' said Bertha, 'you know us. Norma would put up with this sort of thing for hours...I won't. So what's actually going on? There do seem to be an awful lot of guards.' 'I really can't tell you,' replied Norman. 'And I certainly ca...

'Any more?' asked Annie. 'Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,' replied Norman. 'Maybe!' So Annie gave Norman a couple of hugs. 'I've got a never ending supply,' added Annie. 'That's nice to know,' replied Norman. 'So watcha been up to?' said Annie. 'Well,' replied Norman, 'the usual sort of things, eating, sleeping, infiltrating pirate gangs in a desperate attempt to retrieve Queen Phoebe's stolen crown.' 'And the high points so far?' asked Annie. 'We did intercept a sloop full of buns a while back,' replied Norman. 'Did you eat all of them?' asked Annie. '.........................................Sort of,' replied Norman. Annie hugged Norman for a while. 'And do they make you work VERY hard?' she asked. 'It's mostly washing things,' replied Norman, 'or blowing on the sails when there's no wind.' 'Trunk work then!' said...

'And so I'd suggest that we just pass it off as part of some fiendish plan,' suggested Flossie. From the flock came murmurings and mutterings of displeasure. 'Well they won't allow us the renew the insurance on the island without it!' said Flossie. And so, reluctantly, the flock voted in favour. 'Right,' continued Flossie,'if we can now proceed with the meeting? Now as Lefty has already explained to you, I'm not at all happy about the way things went. 18 months in the planning and it all fell apart quicker than that consignment of flat packed furniture that we plundered!' 'We should have read the instructions!' called out a sheep from the back, but Flossie ignored him. 'So what we need to do now,' he went on,'is too decide what to do with the hostages?' Lefty was just about to raise a hoof when a bizarre looking sheep beat him to it. ''Excuse me!' it said,'I wonder if you could point me in the direc...

'Might, mo mar mo guwd!' said Norma. 'Mot?' asked Bertha. Norma pushed up her balaclava helmet. 'I said, so far so good! We seem to have got ashore without anyone seeing us!' 'Meximent!' mooed Bertha. 'I now propose that we move into phase 2,' continued Norma,'Red 3 and Red 4 will move inland and establish a forward observation post while the rest of us make a nice pot of tea.' 'Mho's Med More amain?' asked Horace. 'You are!' replied Norma,'and Geraldine is Red 4.' 'MOK!' said Horace,'and mot's Mannie?' 'Hungry!' said Annie. 'Well maybe we should all have another slice of cake before anything else?' suggested Norma. And so by general agreement that's what they did. But it was only a thin slice. And then they got straight on with things...no really!

Morning all! Now do try to sit up straight when working a s a secret agent. Just because you're involved with a life or death struggle against ruthless pirate sheep, that's no reason to forget good posture. Personally I think a more direct approach would be better. An effective, well organised stampede could see the whole thing over and done with pretty quickly! The problem these days is that people get too worried about the consequences. From what I remember about Camille's little students, I'm certain that they'll be able to take care of themselves. Anyway, on with the problem in hoof. What's this I see before me? It looks like a letter casually abandoned in a rubbish bin! Perhaps I should remove it and have a read? Who knows what it might contain? Onward Bertha

'So,' asked Cyril,'have you found anything out yet?' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill,'this costume itches!' 'Could be crucial!' said Cyril. And so for a while Cyril and Captain Bill stood and watched the sheep moving around them. 'They're nippy little things aren't they?' conceded Captain Bill. 'Wouldn't surprise me if some of them were on wheels,' replied Cyril. 'Will they stop at nothing!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Careful!' bleated Cyril,'remember you need to blend in.' 'Blend in!' exclaimed Captain Bill,'I'm disguised as a sheep who's disguised as a human who just happens to have 3 arms...and I've still got me Captain's hat on!' 'I suppose they're too involved with their own plans to notice,' replied Cyril. 'So what do you suggest we do next?' asked Captain Bill. 'Hmm,' replied Cyril,'time to report back perhaps?' And so...