Cow Island

'It is NOT a pirate costume!' continued Captain Bill. 'It is simply proper bathing attire.' 'That just happens to make you look like a pirate,' replied Bertha. 'It does a bit,' agreed Norma. 'I suspect it creates an air of sophistication that you two would find difficult to comprehend!' replied Captain Bill. 'Still makes you look like a pirate,' said Bertha. 'I shall ignore you,' replied Captain Bill. And he did. 'Sorry,' said Bertha after a while. 'Accepted,' replied Captain Bill. 'So...' continued Bertha, 'if I asked really nicely....would you....would you say 'yo ho ho'?' Captain Bill turned to Norma. 'Could you,' he asked, 'kindly inform your friend that I am one step away from abandoning this whole affair and that her contribution is not helping.' 'I will,' replied Norma, '.....................................although if you are...

'Well I agree in principal,' agreed Norma, 'but I think we also have to be practical about these things.' 'The thing is if you take him away now he'll never learn,' replied Bertha. 'I suspect he'll be able to live with it,' said Norma, 'and Queen Phoebe is a difficult person to say no to.' 'The problem is they never see knitting as an essential life skill,' added Bertha. 'I don't understand that either,' replied Norma, 'I suppose it's a man thing? Now about these pillars.' 'They still need to go in further,' said Bertha, 'and then I'll get started on building the base platform.' 'I'll try to find time to help you with that,' replied Norma, 'has Annie agreed to the overall height?' 'I asked her and she said Geraldine had checked her calculations.' 'We're so lucky to have Geraldine,' replied Norma. 'There can't be many pe...

'Now Annie says she only needs one but I think we should have a back up?' 'Agreed,' replied Bertha, 'there's little enough margin for error as it is!' 'It'll mean a lot more work though,' added Norma. 'And it might be tricky to source such a large quantity of needles,' replied Bertha. 'That's where Cyril comes in,' panted Norma. 'Thought it would be!' replied Bertha, 'and I suppose it'll be best not to ask where he'll get them from?' 'In this instance I wasn't going to,' said Norma. 'And the knitting rota?' 'Already drawn up,' replied Norma, 'but we'll need all hooves on deck to get it completed.' 'And does Annie want it to rotate clockwise or counter clockwise?' 'She says it's not important as long as the wind speed is below 10mph,' replied Norma, 'it's the vertical drop speed that's important.' Bertha ...

'Psst!' said Norma. 'We're back!' 'Well about blooming time!' said a voice in the bushes. Norma beckoned Captain Bill closer. 'Look!' she said and pulled a branch to one side. Captain Bill looked in. 'It's Queen Phoebe,' said Norma. 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'I thought it was.' 'Well?' said Norma. 'Well what?' replied Captain Bill. 'Well don't you notice anything strange about her?' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'she's sitting in the middle of a bush.' 'Beyond that!' said Norma. 'Some sort of tree?' replied Captain Bill. 'I meant beyond that fact that she's sitting in a bush!' mooed Norma. 'Er?' replied Captain Bill. Norma pulled the branch even further. 'Er?' said Captain Bill again. 'Oh honestly!' exclaimed Norma. 'Look!..........No crown!' 'Crikey!' said Captain Bill.

'OK!' said Horace, 'that's the pillow off, now to put your hat on.' 'Please be careful,' pleaded Norma. 'Of course I will,' replied Horace, '...if you can just tilt your head slightly?' 'I'd rather not,' said Norma. 'Well I can't lean over any further,' replied Horace. Norma moved her head...very, very slightly. 'I think it's really going to need to be more than that,' said Horace. And he tried to catch the hat onto one of Norma's horns. 'Ow!' said Norma. 'Sorry,' said Horace. 'Well just be careful!' mooed Norma. 'Look!' said Horace, 'It's not my fault! You could try to stop this from happening in the first place.' 'That's not fair,' replied Norma, 'I'm pretty sure I only had one drink at the awards and then one more later at the party.' 'Rubbish!' said Horace. 'You know what you were!' 'Psst!' said a voice from ...

'But you've got to come!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Sorry,' said Cyril,' but you need to be as fast as possible. I'd just slow you down.' 'But that just leaves me and Camille!' said Captain Bill. 'I'm sure you'll be very happy together,' replied Cyril. But she doesn't know anything about sailing!' said Captain Bill. 'Great!' said Cyril. 'You've already got so much in common!' 'But she doesn't know that I'm not a proper C...A...P...T...A...I...N anymore,' whispered Captain Bill. Cyril stopped pushing the Mootilus. 'Really?' he asked. 'I'd have thought she'd worked that out a long time ago.' 'Which means I shouldn't really be sailing,' continued Captain Bill. 'But you are!' replied Cyril. 'So bon voyage to the both of you.' and he gave the Mootilus one last shove. 'All you need to do is sink the pirates and you'll be a hero!' he...

You've not heard from him for a while.....and even now he's working! He's back, he's here..........and you love him! It'ssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Morning mon petite chumlettes, Where I asked myself, where's the one place you might expect to find a teacher and her pupils? Answer: At the beach! Only they're not here! But they could arrive at any moment and so until then I might as well make myself at home. If the young ones are to give a good account of themselves they'll need to be getting a good diet and who better to check out the available food and drink? Rhetorical question....it's me! Now I don't want you thinking that I'm just eating strawberries and drinking a good chilled white. I'm working (note that word, this is all from a sense of duty) my way through the entire beach bar menu! Such selfless sacrifice! Is that a kebab I can smell? Right must get on, do have an enjoyable day....whatever it is that you do?...