Cow Island

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T ASK!' said Bertha, very loudly. 'Well what chance did I have?' mooed Captain Bill in reply. 'You saw her, the moment she'd handed over the scroll she was off back down the hill faster than Cyril can eat! Her little legs hardly touched the ground! Just a blur of pink and gold she was...how she kept her crown on I'll never know!' 'You could have run after her!' said Bertha, who was standing very close to Captain Bill. 'No I couldn't,' he replied, '.....it would have been undignified and besides it would have contravened the first rule of Captain School!' 'Which is?' asked Bertha, who had a good feeling that she knew what was coming. 'Never, ever ask for directions!' said Captain Bill with a flourish. 'SO HOW,' screamed Bertha, 'DO YOU PROPOSE THAT WE FIND NORMAN!!!!!!!' 'Well, I thought we might just sail...' '...ABOUT FOR A BIT!!!!' completed Bert...

Captain Bill stood firmly on the harbour wall and watched as yet another load was dragged up the gangplank and onto the Pickled Heifer. 'Is,' he asked, 'is all of this absolutely necessary?' 'Oh yes!' replied Norma. 'Only I thought I said,' said Captain Bill,'let's try and keep it to just the essentials!' 'You did,' replied Norma. 'Only I can't help noticing,' continued Captain Bill, 'that so far the only things that have been loaded are hat boxes and crates of wine! At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if I saw 3 tons of fruit cake go past!' And Norma hastily added a note to the bottom of her list. 'Well,' she said,'I'm sure it won't take long to get it all onboard. Then we can be off to collect Norman.' 'Mmmm!' said Captain Bill, I suppose so!' 'Is it far?' asked Norma. 'Mmmm?' said Captain Bill again. 'To where he's staying,' said No...

'I mean really!' said Queen Phoebe, 'his little Regalness goes to all that trouble to hold a first class, top notch, rowing type regatta and what does he get for it...one little column inside the sports pages! But if there's even a whiff of dirt it's all over the front pages quick as a knife!' All of the Cows said how sorry they were to hear that the press coverage hadn't been better than it was. 'Of course,' continued Queen Phoebe,'what would really cheer him up would be to expand his little kingdom a teansy bit more. Even just one more island would help and we're doing an offer at the moment. If you sign up today you get a lovely picture of his Royaltyness and we're throwing in free dental as well!' Norma explained that while it was a very tempting offer they were really quite happy without a King. 'Well suit yourselves!' replied Queen Phoebe, but there was a decided air of huffiness about how she said it. 'So,' said...

'Nothing?' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha. 'Nothing at all?' asked Captain Bill. 'No!' replied Bertha for a second time. 'But how many did you find?' '17 books, 12 magazines and 4 pamphlets,' said Bertha. 'And there's nothing about rope in any of them?' mooed Captain Bill. 'No!' said Bertha yet again, 'there is a magazine article on parcels....you can see a ball of string in the corner of one of the photos!' 'I'll have that then,' said Captain Bill after a pause. 'Have you got your library card?' asked Bertha. 'Oh Udders!' said Captain Bill. But at that moment Norma came herding up to them. 'Hello!' she said. 'Hello,' replied Bertha and Captain Bill. 'How are we all?' asked Norma. 'Fine!' they both replied. 'Wonderful!' said Norma. 'Captain Bill's going to look at a picture of string,' said Bertha. 'Oh how nice!...

TOGETHER The Sun is setting fast now The Summer's almost gone The leaves have started turning They seem to beckon Autumn on And so I've been thinking In the time that we've got left Don't you and I deserve Just a little happiness Why shouldn't we be walking Together side by side Why shouldn't we be talking Of what we feel inside Why shouldn't we be sharing Why don't we just confess That together we deserve Just a little happiness I often think when I am on my own That this house alone can never be my home So why shouldn't we be staring Into each others eyes Why shouldn't we be wearing The smiles we try to hide Why shouldn't we just give in And accept that two is best Then together we could have Just a little happiness Thank you Horace

It's Thursday! You know he's here! It'ssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morning chums! Cuddly Cyril here! Bon viveur and registered charity...give now and make me happy, it's as simple as that! You catch me in the act (steady now!) of sending off a few tax deductable samples to my new found student, wee Blanche. A carefully selected half dozen bottles of Cyril's best for her to try. An educated palette is a good thing and it's never too early to start learning. Should any of you out there wish to buy a few cases just drop me a line and a large cheque and I'll get Annie to blow the balloons up. Buy 3 cases and I guarantee that at least one will actually have something in it! Chateau Cyril..the one you can trust! Right, just time to fit in a quick snackette before 7th breakfast. Until we meet again! Cyril

Morning all, I do wish I could fly you all over for a while! Someone to pick up the other bag for me would be most helpful and the rest of you could help me to collect any books or magazines. Now I must be honest and say that the Cow Island library has not had the attention that it deserves of late. What with all that travelling and then with Ms Camille and her students. But a couple of days of hard work will soon put thing right and the first thing we need to do is to sort out all of the new books. There's been quite a lot washed up over the past few months. The first thing to do is put the library stamp on them and then we can hang them up to dry. Then we'll need to sort out any that have pictures of food and hide them before Cyril eats them! After that we can sort out the rest. I've already spotted quite a few that people will want to borrow. Norma likes a good romance and there's an illustrated guide to the history of depressing poetry that Horace will simply bite h...