Cow Island

'So have we passed then?' asked Captain Bill. Admiral Cholmondley Waldegrave St Clair looked slowly down the list that he was holding. There were a surprising number of ticks. 'Hmmm, he said,'your ship is without doubt the strangest vessel I've ever been on!' 'Ta!' said Captain Bill. 'Not a complement!' replied the Admiral. 'Oh!' said Captain Bill. 'Still,' continued the Admiral,'by and large, with just a couple of exceptions, the crew did rather well!' 'It's firm leadership that does it,' suggested Captain Bill. And Norma looked up to the sky. 'So,' said the Admiral,'at the end of the day, rather reluctantly, I have to say...' But at that moment the lieutenant nudged the Admiral and handed him a 2nd piece of paper. 'Ah yes!' said the Admiral,'almost forgot! The theory test!' 'Theory test?' asked Captain Bill. 'Just one question,' repl...

The Pickled Heifer lurched, jumped, bounced and weaved its way towards the entrance of Cow Island's harbour. Up on the aft deck a small group of concerned individuals waited to find out what the outcome would be. 'It's no good,'said Horace,'I can't open my eyes!' 'Oh! Pull yourself together man!' mooed Bertha,'he'll almost certainly make a mess off it.' And the ship moved closer. 'Well at least Geraldine got him standing on this side of the wheel,'said Norma,'so he can see where the ship's going.' 'Did they notice her?' asked Horace. 'No, I don't think so' replied Norma,'there was still quite a bit of tree for her to hide under,' and Norma gave Geraldine a pat on the head as a thank you. And the ship moved closer. 'Where are the others?' asked Norma,'they should be here to show support for Captain Bill.' 'Cyril's making himself a 17th breakfast,' repl...

'Right,' said Captain Bill,'I've had a quick chat with Norma about parking...' 'Docking!' corrected Admiral Cholmondley Waldegrave St Clair. 'Docking,' agreed Captain Bill,'docking the Pickled Heifer and the good news is she's raring to go!' The Admiral looked at Captain Bill. 'I don't think this is a job for Norma,' he said. 'OK!' replied Captain Bill,'I can see where you're going on this, possibly time to give Horace a go. I've been considering that myself.' 'Or Horace!' said the Admiral. 'Bertha?' asked Captain Bill,'it would mean changing people around a bit, never good for a crew that sort of thing.' 'Or Bertha!' said the Admiral. 'Cyril? Annie? Actually I think Geraldine's done it before!' mooed Captain Bill. 'You're the Captain,' replied the Admiral,'you're supposed to be able to do anything the crew can do....you can st...

'And so,'began Captain Bill,'as you can see, following on from my tip top command captainy decision the ship has executed an almost perfect figure of eighty three and a half!' 'Eighty three and a half?' questioned Admiral Cholmondley Waldgrave St Clair. 'Yes,' replied captain Bill and here he leaned towards to the Admiral and slightly lowered his voice. 'To tell you the truth the half was a bit of a mistake, only young Geraldine thought we'd finished and decided to do a little dance without realising that Norma was still following her flag signals. Still,' he continued raising his voice back to it's normal level,'no harm done, ship still on the correct side of the watery bit! So is that it then? All finished? Time to go home?' 'Almost,' replied the Admiral. 'Almost?' said Captain Bill. 'Well,' said the Admiral,'the original complaint was about damaging a harbour wall. So now you've fini...

Hello everyone, one of these days we'll get a chance to have a chat when I'm not trying to do 6 others things at the same time. Now the good news is that so far we've managed to get the ship moving and everything is going well. Bertha says there are no other ships around and Horace and Cyril are doing a great job with the sails. Geraldine and I are also making a great team, she's really a very clever little penguin. I also think that Captain Bill did a grand job yesterday. Sometimes I think he knows more about sailing than he thinks he does. Right best get on, we've worked out a bit of a course that we can follow to impress the inspectors, so lets hope it's works! Hugs to you all! Norma

'Well look thanks for coming,' said Captain Bill,'and do feel free to drop in again any time you're passing.' Admiral Cholmondley Waldegrave St Clair looked at Captain Bill. 'For the last time,' he said,'we've not finished yet!' 'Right,' replied Captain Bill,'what'll it be then? Another slice of cake, a little more tea? I think there's still a drop left in the pot.' The Admiral stepped towards Captain Bill and poked with a pokey finger. 'We've been here forever,' he began,' we've actually been aboard for over a week! We've had tea and cake and been treated to a display such as I've never seen in all my days AND WE'VE STILL NOT ACTUALLY SEEN THE SHIP MOVE!' 'OK!' squeaked Captain Bill,'no need to get upset. I'm not sure why we've not gone anywhere yet. I don't like to criticise Norma but...' 'IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH NORMA! THE WOMAN...

'And then Captain Eyepatch shouted at me!' mooed Annie,'but I don't see how it can be my fault if they put the sea that close to Mr Pickled Heifer.' 'Would you like me to sit on him?' enquired Cyril,'I'd be quite happy to!' 'Oh no!' replied Annie,'I was more worried about him, because sometimes when people shout too loudly their heads fall off!' 'Is that so?' said Cyril. 'I think so,' replied Annie,'although it is possible that was just something that happened in a dream. ' 'Most of my dreams seem to be about food,' said Cyril. 'They're the best ones,' said Annie,'I may have to get you to lend me some.' 'And talking about such things,' said Cyril,'more tea?' 'Is there cake as well?' asked Annie. 'Indeed,' replied Cyril,'there's still a bit of very late 13th breakfast sponge or a brand new quite early morning light fruit cake....