Cow Island

'Penguin of the Year!' mooed Captain Bill. 'She's actually nominated for 4 awards,' replied Norma, 'but Penguin of the Year is the big one.' 'What others is she up for?' asked Bertha. 'Best Penguin in a Non Penguin Environment, Most Orange Feet and First Time Author,' replied Norma. 'Well, well done Geraldine,' said Bertha. 'And she does have very orange feet,' added Norma. 'I can't say I've ever really looked,' said Captain Bill. 'Men don't tend to notice those sorts of things,' replied Norma. 'We do!' exclaimed Captain Bill, 'and you've got a new hat...so there, noticed that!' Norma and Bertha exchanged glances. 'And anyway,' continued Captain Bill, 'I think there's an even more interesting point that you seem to have missed.' 'Which is?' asked Bertha. 'If Geraldine is nominated as best First Time Author...what's she been writing about?' ...

'No, it was very good,' said Norma, 'I was just a bit busy at the time...and I'm sure Geraldine liked it.' 'You don't think it was too lighthearted?' asked Horace. 'Not at all,' replied Norma, 'I think you should do more things like that.' 'Hmmm,' said Horace, 'we'll see.' And for a while Norma and Horace walked on in silence until, some minutes later, they arrived at a large notice board. 'This is it!' said Norma. 'There are lots of different categories, Best Dressed Penguin, Prettiest Beak, Penguin Most Likely To Succeed In A Hostage Negotiation Scenario...surprising number of nominations for that one!' 'Any mention of poetry written for a penguin?' asked Horace. 'Not that I can see,' replied Norma. 'Right....well....hmmm, actually I think we aught to be getting back to the others.' 'So soon?' said Horace. 'Well I wasn't planning to,' replied Norma, 'but...

'Yes,' said Captain Bill, 'well I take no great satisfaction from being proved right.' 'But you weren't,' replied Norma. 'Well we won't argue about it,' said Captain Bill. 'There's nothing to argue about,' replied Norma, 'you said Geraldine had got hopelessly lost and we were clearly at the wrong island.' 'That's not my recollection,' said Captain Bill. 'Anyway,' continued Norma, 'we are at the right island and Queen Phoebe sends hugs.' 'And the harbour business?' asked Captain Bill. 'She's too busy to worry about it.' replied Norma. 'Fine,' said Captain Bill, 'then I think I'll come ashore.' 'That would be good,' replied Norma. So Captain Bill came ashore and he and Norma herded inland. 'And you did tell her it wasn't me steering,' asked Captain Bill, 'when we hit the wall...you did tell her that?' 'But it was!' mooed Norma...

'And so when I say hit,' said Norma, 'I really mean more of a glancing blow, there was hardly any damage at all.' 'Well,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'right now I've got more to worry about than a harbour wall.' 'Should we presume that has something to do with the web footed folk?' asked Bertha. 'It does,' replied Queen Phoebe, 'in fact now would be a good time to formally welcome you to what is our very first Penguin of the Year Awards.' 'But it's only March!' mooed Bertha. 'Well spotted,' replied Queen Phoebe. 'The thing is his regalness, my hubbie, he's wonderful he really is, well he had this idea for making an extra wodge of folding, seeing as how the bottom's gone right out of the luxury castle hire market, and so we thought we'd shove our little royal elbows into the awards hosting arena.' 'Oh, that's a nice idea,' said Norma. 'That's what I said,' replied Queen ...

'PENGIMINGS!' mooed Annie. 'And lots of them,' replied Norma. 'They do seem to be everywhere,' added Bertha. 'Actually I'd go so far as to say the island is covered in them.' 'Which rather raises the question of why?' said Norma. 'Indeed,' replied Bertha. 'Hmm,' said Norma, 'I do believe I've just spotted the one lady who may be able to tell us.' And Norma pointed towards a figure in the distance and then took off her hat and waved it in the air. 'She's seen us,' said Bertha. 'Perhaps it would be advisable for us to move towards her,' suggested Norma. And so, taking a very bouncy Annie with them, Norma and Bertha made their way through a quite terrific abundance of penguins who all very kindly moved out of the way and then shuffled back into place after they had passed. 'Thank you,' said Norma, 'thank you, thank you....thank you....thank you.' Finally after some minutes the last ...

'Land ahoy!' called out Bertha. 'Where?' shouted Norma. 'Off the port bow,' mooed Bertha. Captain Bill swivelled around in his chair and looked out across the sea. 'No, the port bow,' said Norma. Captain Bill swivelled around in his chair and looked out across the sea. 'I do wish you wouldn't keep changing it,' he said, 'that's the 4th time this voyage!' 'Sorry,' replied Norma. So everyone looked off the port side towards the large island that had come into view. 'So is that it?' asked Norma. Geraldine did a very happy dance, flapped her wings and hugged Annie. 'That's it!' said Annie. 'Looks nice,' said Norma. 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'not bad........of course we would have got here a lot sooner if we'd just sailed straight to it.' At this point Geraldine hopped up onto Captain Bill's back and then onto his hat...and jumped up and down for a while. 'Even I understoo...

Dear Geraldine A Penguin went a wandering Oh, it was a pretty sight She took a balloon And sang a tune Then hummed it through the night She sang it to the moon and sea And they were much impressed She sang it to a crab or three As they were getting dressed She tapped it out each foot in turn Till it became a dance Performed it for some passing birds Which left their lives enhanced She whistled it as I recall While sliding on her belly A stunt made easier because She was so full of jelly This story's true I swear to you The facts are clearly right And Geraldine is proof because She's here in black and white Thank you Horace