Cow Island

'There are reports of shoals of trifles off the coast again.' 'I myself have missed this as I have been spending too much time at the gymnasium,' replied Cyril. 'I did ask her if we could dispense with the passwords,' said Bertha. 'I saw a picture of a gym once,' replied Cyril. 'Never again!' 'So what news?' asked Bertha. 'The giraffe is in!' replied Cyril. 'Should I ask how?' asked Bertha. 'Didn't take much,' replied Cyril. 'A couple of 2nd hand carpets and a secret hoof shake.' 'Captain Bill's cabin is carpeted I believe,' said Bertha. 'Was!' replied Cyril. 'And Norma and I are a tad concerned about where you're getting the crowns from?' 'Got to look the part!' replied Cyril. 'A dealer in crowns has got to have crowns otherwise people would question things.' 'Still!' said Bertha. 'I'll give them back aft...

'No!' pleaded Norma. 'Do try to focus. Remember we've spoken about this before. The real world doesn't have any armchair trees.' 'My real world does!' mooed Annie. 'Possibly!' conceded Norma. 'But we're talking about the real real world.' 'Are you sure?' asked Annie. 'Positve!' replied Norma. 'Nor does it have any tartan patterned clouds or upside down hills.' Annie put her brush down and herded very close to Norma. 'It sounds very boring this real real world of yours.' 'Perhaps it is?' said Norma. 'But that's how most people see it.' 'I much prefer my version.' replied Annie. 'And you can,' said Norma, 'it's just that we need these paintings to look like the real real world or they won't work.' 'Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?' mused Annie. 'Please?' asked Norma. 'As you like!' said Annie and she went ...

'Ah ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Me hearties! Ha! Ha! Keel haul the lot of them! Then make sail for the Governor's palace!..........................................No, sorry, I still can't get into it.' said Flossie. 'I just thought it might help?' replied Lefty. 'Appreciate the idea,' replied Flossie. 'You know me, always happy to run it up the mizzen mast and see how it flutters.' 'So do you feel it's going to be just a passing thing or more of a long term problem?'  'Not sure really?' replied Flossie. 'Have you considered counselling?' 'Not really me,' replied Flossie. 'Now moving on, this would be the...er...'you know what'?' 'That's right,' said Lefty. 'Shall we unwrap it?' asked Flossie. 'Up to you?' replied Lefty. 'But it would invalidate the insurance.' 'Insurance?' bleated Flossie. 'Insurance,' repeated Lefty. 'But it...

'As you well know you could have told me there was nothing in it!' said Captain Bill. 'I thought you would have worked it out by the weight?' replied Bertha. 'It was obviously empty.' 'Yes...only it wasn't completely empty was it!' continued Captain Bill. 'There was a note inside saying, "Dear Cyril, Captain Bill has eaten all the cake".' 'I've simply no idea how it got there,' replied Bertha. 'He can't half move if he wants to,' said Captain Bill. 'Shh!' said Norma. 'Look over there!' 'Where?' asked Captain Bill and Bertha. 'Over there!' repeated Norma and she pointed with her tail. 'That's them!' 'Are you sure?' asked Bertha. 'Positive!' replied Norma. 'Why...why is that little bush moving along with them?' asked Captain Bill. 'That's Geraldine!' mooed Norma. 'See, she's just given us a wave....

'We could!' bleated Flossie. 'Shouldn't really though,' replied Lefty. 'Nobodies looking!' added Flossie. 'And we need to get on.' 'It's your call,' replied Lefty. So Flossie gave the signal and the flock picked up the pace. 'It's not really running anyway,' continued Flossie. 'More of a slight jog.' 'Still covered in the rules though,' replied Lefty. Flossie slowed to a halt. 'You know,' he began, 'I'm tempted to get out of the whole pirate game.' 'Never!' said Lefty. 'Well, it's just no fun anymore,' replied Flossie. 'It used to be. It's all got just...too regulated.' 'But, but what you do?' asked Lefty. 'I dunno,' replied Flossie, 'maybe just get my head stuck through a fence for a while, give myself time to think things through.' 'You'd miss it though,' said Lefty. 'The camaraderie, the s...

'I see the fruit cakes have flown south early this winter,' whispered Bertha. 'Excellent!' replied Cyril, 'That can only help me with the strict diet that I have so recently embarked on.' 'You know I'm not convinced that we need these passwords!' mooed Bertha. 'They're certainly not accurate!' replied Cyril. 'I'll have to speak to Norma about them,' said Bertha. 'She does have a tendency to get carried away with these things.' 'So any news?' asked Cyril. 'Nothing so far,' replied Bertha. 'And you?' 'Sold a couple of nice rugs.' 'Where did you get them from?' 'He'll never miss them,' replied Cyril. 'Besides we've got to make contacts.' 'And have you?' 'Got talking to a giraffe,' replied Cyril. 'He applied for a post with Flossie a while back. Didn't get the job, he's got a bit of a grudge, could be use...

'And so I told him, there is more to an elephant than just a trunk you know! And then I picked him up and shook him.' 'With your trunk?' asked Norma. 'Erm? Didn't do myself any favours at that point.' replied Norman. 'Anyhow,' continued Norma. 'What news?' 'There are rumblings,' replied Norman. 'Sorry about that,' said Annie, 'I knew seventeen breakfasts wouldn't be enough.' 'No!' replied Norman. 'I mean rumblings of information.' 'Tell all!' mooed Norma. 'A pirate flock stopped for jogging slightly too quickly with a pointy sword. The self same flock warned about not wearing high vis jackets while walking rather fast towards the harbour. And finally the same flock again stopped and fined for not wearing enough eye patches! I not sure how the last one relates to anything to be honest but never discard a piece of information, that's what I say!' 'Sounds li...