Cow Island

'One across is rope,' said Flossie. 'So it is!' bleated Lefty. 'And seventeen down.' 'So it is!' bleated Lefty. 'Where did this come from anyway?' 'It came through with mum's puzzle magazines,' replied Lefty. 'I think she was trying to order something else and ticked the wrong box.' 'Eight across is rope.' 'So it is!' 'How is she today?' 'She's fine aren't you mum? Mum! MUM!' 'Has she got them turned on?' 'I thought she had. MUM! MUM! I think she's nodded off.' 'Best not disturb her...Ten down's rope.' 'So it is!' 'Is there a sports section?' 'I don't think so,' replied Lefty. 'I've not seen one. To be honest I'm not very impressed. There's an article on the buntline hitch that clearly shows a picture of a sheet bend and some of the typos are shocking.' 'That always de...

'No it's still not quite straight,' said Norma. 'It'll do for the time being,' replied Captain Bill. 'I make it we're doing around three knots.' 'Quite fast for us,' said Norma. 'Mmm,' replied Captain Bill. 'I have to say it feels good to be all at sea again.' 'Couldn't have put it better myself,' mooed Norma. 'Now just so that you know, Bertha has gone up to the cows nest and Geraldine is steering...if that's alright with you?' 'I suppose so,' said Captain Bill, 'and who's looking after the turny wheel thing?' 'Well........................................Geraldine is!' replied Norma. 'Multitasking!' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'I shall have to keep an eye on her.' 'OK!' said Norma. 'And Annie is helping Cyril with the breakfasts.' 'INCOMING!!!' called out Annie as a sausage shot through the air and hit Captain Bill...

'I was that close!' mooed Captain Bill. 'That close!' 'Bertha said five hours was long enough for anyone,' replied Horace. 'That's the trouble these days,' said Captain Bill. 'Rush, rush, rush! Nobody cares about doing anything properly any more. There was a time when people would have thought nothing of spending a day or two getting out of a harbour.' 'It's not something I have any real personal experience of,' replied Horace. 'It's a skill,' said Captain Bill. 'You can't teach it to just anybody. It can take years to master. In my opinion the trick is get the front end...' 'The bow?' asked Horace. 'Quite possibly,' replied Captain Bill. 'Try to get that out first and then even if you do clip a wall or two it won't do too much damage.' 'I'll try to remember,' said Horace. 'And here's a tip,' continued Captain Bill. 'When you look a...

'Can't look! Can't look! Can't look! Can't look!' mooed Norma. 'I find,' said Cyril, 'in times like these, when it all gets a bit stressy, nothing helps more than a big spoonful of strawberry trifle.' 'Not for me thanks!' replied Norma. 'I'll finish it off then,' said Cyril. 'Seems a shame to waste it. So Cyril ate the last spoonful and then the spoon and then the bowl. 'How many hours has he been at it now?' asked Norma. 'Dunno,' mused Cyril. 'Four, four and a half?' 'HARD A STARBOLIABOLIBOARD!' shouted Captain Bill. 'YOU MEAN PORT!' shouted back Bertha. 'And I really don't know why he keeps doing that?' 'What?' asked Norma. 'Shouting out the course corrections,' replied Bertha. 'He's the one doing the steering!' 'I don't think he's ever really understood the connection between the wheel and the rudder,...

'I just thought it would be a conciliatory gesture,' said Norma. 'Which would be more than the sort of gesture that I'm regularly used to receiving,' replied Captain Bill. 'Did you know there was list?' 'I had heard mention of it,' conceded Norma. 'Apparently number 47 is rather unfair.' 'And that makes it OK then I suppose.' 'None of this is her fault,' continued Norma, 'and she has steered before.' 'Possible she has,' replied Captain Bill, 'but I, as the recognised captain, will make the decisions...If I'm still allowed?' Norma came up the last stair and stood by Captain Bill. 'I think I might stay,' she said. 'Stay?' 'Stay here,' replied Norma. 'Stay here and let you all sail away and look after yourselves. Bertha is 1st Mate you know. You should be talking to her about this. I could sit on the beach and get some knitting done.' '..........

'I just thought it was an entry form for a poetry competition,' said Horace. 'Oh look really,' replied Captain Bill, 'don't worry about it.' 'And I suppose once Geraldine was on the course she must have worked very hard.' 'Mmm,' replied Captain Bill, 'I suppose so. Although I dare say they've simplified it a lot since my day. It happens all the time, dumbing things down. It's all course work now that's the problem. You probably get half the marks just for staying awake during lessons.' 'Did you have to study for long?' 'Weeks!' replied Captain Bill. 'Three in fact, including weekends.' 'I sometimes take months to write a poem.' said Horace. 'Right,' replied Captain Bill. '......................and there were exams as well.' 'Did you pass them?' 'Eventually! Although they let me off the last couple. I think they knew I wanted to get back.'...

'Well I think it was a rotten thing to have done without warning him,' mooed Norma. 'I was only trying to help Geraldine,' replied Bertha.  'Which was kind,' accepted Norma, 'and I don't blame her for any of this and I would always support anyone who wanted to better themselves...but you must have known the effect it would have.' 'He'll get over it,' replied Bertha, 'but should he decide he doesn't want to be captain anymore.' 'Well he still has my support,' said Norma. 'Despite his...his.' 'Incompetence?' suggested Bertha. 'I wasn't going to put it in quite that way,' replied Norma, 'and in future I think these sort of things should be done in the open so everyone knows what's going on.' 'We weren't the only ones to sign,' said Bertha. 'Geraldine was kind enough to show me a copy of her application form,' replied Norma. 'Annie's si...