Cow Island

'Well, if you're sure you can't direct me toward the 57th Annual Rain Soaked Cliff Top Poetry Awards, I'll be on my way,' said Horace. And the flock all shook their heads. 'Well...........................................................bye then,' mumbled Horace. 'Wait a minute,' bleated Flossie. Horace hesitated. 'Did you say the 57th Annual Rain Soaked Cliff Top Poetry Awards?' 'I did,' said Horace. '......................................Never heard of them!' continued Flossie. 'Pity though, I quite like a bit of poetry.' 'Really?' asked Lefty. 'Oh, yes,' replied Flossie. 'As long as it doesn't drift off into anything too metaphysical.' 'I've always been more of a short story person,' said Lefty. 'Just at the end of the day, to help me settle down.' 'It's odd isn't it,' mused Flossie, 'how we're all drawn towards differen...

'And 'ere we are at last!' Camille explained. 'We stand before the entrance of the grotto of ma ancestors, in the grove of ma ancestors, in the woodland of ma ancestors, it is like, 'ow you say, for me, a sacred place.' 'There is a sign upon the door,' observed Captain Bill. 'It is only notification of ma planning application,' mooed Camille. 'Oh?' 'I am 'oping to knock it all down and build a dozen luxury apartments,' replied Camille. 'If I can pull it off I'll be in 'andbag 'eaven!' 'Right,' said Captain Bill. 'Of course they will still be sacred luxury apartments. I could always reserve you one?' 'Erm?' 'I could throw in some of the show furniture and free off road grazing? Seeing as you are known to me. Also I will be needing a concierge. You get a tiny room in the basement for free and I'd turn a blind eye if you want to read everybody's mail....

'And when she finally found it,' said Norma, 'it turned out to be in one of those side pockets with some tissues and a pen than didn't work.' 'But did it open the casket?' asked Bertha. 'It did!' mooed Norma. 'And inside?' 'Another bigger key,' replied Norma. '............To be honest I was slightly disappointed. I'm not really sure what I expected. 'But did it mean anything to Camille?' asked Bertha. Norma nodded. 'She got very excited. She said she knows what it fits, so she's gone off with Captain Bill. I thought I'd come and see how you were getting along?' 'I thought it best to collect up all the discarded pointyness,' replied Bertha. 'I got Jean Claude and Blanche to help me.' 'You don't think they're too young for handling discarded pointyness?' queried Norma. But Bertha made it quite clear that, in her opinion, it did young calves good to get...

'Mon dieu! Sacre bleu and quelle surprise, I am scripted to say,' said Camille. 'At last it is returned!' 'So, it is yours?' gasped Norma. 'Non!' replied Camille. 'And yet, yes!' 'Slightly confused?' said Norma. 'And well you might be,' replied Camille, 'but I shall explain. And so she did. 'Many generations ago, ma great, great, great, uncle, aunt, grandmother, who cares really, placed into a sacred casket, a treasure so important, so valued, that it was said, that if it was ever lost, our family would be forced to live in slightly reduced circumstances and take occasional paid work.' 'And I'm guessing it WAS lost!' said Norma. 'Indeed, ma chum Norma,' replied Camille. 'Some later ancestor, perhaps a nephew with a limp or a cousin, the story has become confused, was travelling in distant lands when they were attacked by badgers or otters or maybe a ground dwelling owl with t...

'I'm sure it is!' mooed Norma. 'It's the casket that you found when you fell off the cliff, that we decided to return to its rightful owner, so we could claim the reward, that was later stolen from us by the pirates, that they've carried with them since, but have now obviously, inadvertently, dropped, while fleeing with all of their stolen pointy swords.' '..........Well done!' said Horace. 'Thanks,' gasped Norma. '.....................So what now?'  'I think you'd better recover it.' Horace took a closer look at the casket. 'The bush looks a bit thorny,' he said. 'Does it?' replied Norma. 'Do you have any hoof mittens?' 'Not on me.' '..............................................Could you knit me some?' 'I don't think we have time right now,' said Norma. 'I'm sure if you're quick.' So Horace was. 'And now you could bring ...

'And you flick that catch there and it allows you to fire three shots at different ranges,' said Lefty. 'Brilliant!' bleated Flossie. 'And if you press the black button, a tripod drops down so you can use it in a sustained fire role.' 'Terrific!' And if you press the white button?' 'That's a digital radio and one of those things for getting horses hooves out of stones. To be honest, I see that as more of a gimmick.' 'Mmm,' replied Flossie. 'Not sure you'd get a lot of use out of that. I did once serve on a ship that had a horse as 2nd mate. It used to spend all its time running around the deck, jumping over the cannon...and it was rubbish at climbing in the rigging.' 'It sounds nice to have a mix of species,' replied Lefty, 'but statistics prove that all sheep ships work best.' 'You've got my vote on that one,' said Flossie. 'Now, is everyone happy with what they've...

'Norman came to the conclusion that the pirate sheep had never been there, but I knew better,' explained Captain Bill. 'And you would be 'appy for me to 'ave Monsieur Norman confirm this?' asked Camille. 'Probably best to take my word for it,' replied Captain Bill. 'He can be a bit touchy about that sort of thing. Elephants, you know what they're like!' Camille deployed an extra long 'hmm'. 'Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?' it went, and she accompanied it with a stare and would have followed it up with another 'Hmm?' of even greater length but Norma arrived and interrupted her. 'I'm afraid they must have taken every pointy sword they could lay their evil hooves on,' she said. 'They've been dropping them everywhere.' 'Indeed!' replied Camille. 'It is like some huge, pointy sword, contemporary sculpture trail which 'as been designed by some weird a...