Cow Island

'But you 'ave 'ad four directs 'its on Flossie alone!' Camille cried. 'And three on Lefty,' Bertha replied, 'but the staples are just bouncing off of their fleece.' 'But what can be done?' Camille asked. 'They will get away!' Bertha stopped firing and turned to Norma. 'You take over,' she mooed, 'I need to go back to the Pickled Heifer.' 'I shall accompany you!' Camille exclaimed. 'Norma, look after ma little students if you please. I shall be setting no 'omework in my absence but if there is time you could get them to write 'ome to their parents telling them what a great time they are 'aving....Maybe encourage them to ask for more spending money?' And so Bertha and Camille ran back towards the ship. 'Might One be of any use?' Queen Phoebe asked after they had left. 'One is feeling not quite fully used in the current crisis.' 'I'm not sure that ther...

'Appreciating that the crown does have pointy bits AND that there really should be a handrail of some sort but, all things considered,....RUN!!!!' Flossie shouted. And so he and Lefty picked up the sack between them and headed back down the old cliff path just as fast as they could. 'CRUNCH!!!!' went a noise behind them and a giant staple zipped over Flossie's head. 'That could have had someones eye out!' Lefty cried. 'And I don't have any to spare!' Flossie replied. 'CRUNCH!!!!' went the noise again and a second staple bounced off of the rocks below them. 'Where are we heading for?' Lefty called out. 'Not sure,' Flossie shouted back. 'We can decide once we're at the bottom.' 'Not far to go now!' Lefty said. And, despite the danger, Flossie stopped them running and they paused for a moment.  'Odd, isn't it,' he observed, 'how it always seems so much quicker on the ...

'Curses!' Flossie cried. 'Delayed again!' 'And forced to take a diversion via the old cliff path just to get around them,' Lefty added. Flossie paused for a moment.  'Hmm,' he pondered out loud, 'slightly laboured lines if you ask me.' 'Helps to establish the scene though,' Lefty replied. '....Suppose,' Flossie said, 'and it's a nice walk...good views.' 'Bit steep in places,' Lefty observed. 'I mean, it's OK for us but Mum would find it a bit of a struggle and strictly speaking they should put in some sort of safety handrail. If we weren't in such a hurry I'd speak to someone about it.' 'Maybe you could write to them?' Flossie suggested. 'After we get home.' 'Oh!' Lefty bleated. 'That's a good idea! As long as you don't mind?' 'Absolutely fine with me,' Flossie replied. 'Might be best not to put our address on it though...

'Afternoon!' Cyril said. 'It's morning,' Flossie bleated. 'So it is!' Cyril replied. 'If you could make a note of that please?' And Lefty wrote it down. 'Shall we continue?' Cyril asked. 'FREE CAKE!!!!!' Annie mooed. 'Errr?' Flossie replied. 'Kind of you but we're in a bit of a hurry.' 'Ah!' Cyril cried. 'You misunderstand! My Friend was actually wondering if you had any free cake....for us?' Annie stampeded around Cyril and slid to a halt in front of Flossie. 'I'm a cake eater,' she explained, 'and Mr Sir Cyril of Biscuitshire is a walrus. It's parody!' and she turned away but then stopped. 'Or possibly homage?' she added and she ran back behind Cyril but went via the sea so she could have a paddle on the way. 'I'm afraid we have no cake,' Lefty explained. Annie fainted. 'Oh!' Lefty said. 'It's just pretend!...

'Thank you Norman,' Bertha mooed. 'Anytime,' Norman replied. 'And you know what you're doing next?' Norma asked him. And Norman assured them that he did and he hurried away. 'Could I just ask,' Camille began, 'this thing that you 'ave just 'ad Monsieur Norman bring from your ship...what is it?' 'You can have a guess if you want?' Bertha teased. 'Well,' Camille continued, 'if I were some sort of strange and deranged individual I could perhaps imagine that it was some kind of giant stapling machine.' 'If you have any gold stars in your handbag you may award yourself one,' Bertha replied. As it turned out Camille didn't so she couldn't but as luck would have it Norma did have some in the bottom of her knitting bag and so she gave one to Camille. 'Would One also get a gold star if One was to correctly guess what it is to be used for?' Queen Phoebe asked. And Bertha sai...

'I can see the shrimps!' Annie called out. 'Wonderful!' Cyril replied. 'Have they got any choccie biccies perchance?' Annie briefly dipped her head back under the water before resurfacing again. 'Dark chocolate or dark chocolate or dark chocolate?' she asked. 'Hmm,' Cyril said and he thought for a moment, 'dark chocolate if they have them?' And for a second time Annie went back below the waves before reemerging carrying an extra large tin of dark chocolate biscuits. 'Shrimptastic!' Cyril mooed. Annie danced back up to the beach and gave the tin to Cyril. 'Are the fluffies here yet?' she enquired. Cyril took a moment to look off down the beach. 'No,' he replied, 'not yet.' 'Is there time for a nap?' Annie asked. And Cyril said he thought there was so Annie had a nap and Cyril amused himself by nibbling a few of the chocolate biscuits...and then a few more....and then all of...

'It is your ship?' Camille asked. 'It is,' Norma replied. 'It is on an 'ill!' 'I know,' Norma mooed. 'It's complicated.' 'That is what Ms Bertha said,' Camille replied.  'Talking of Bertha?' Norma began. 'I left 'er at the ship,' Camille said, 'with the brave and occasionally conscious Capitaine Bile. Ms Bertha said to tell you she was collecting something.' 'I thought she might be,' Norma replied. 'I just hope we're not too late.' 'Well,' Camille continued, 'I must also tell you that Ms Bertha as spoken to Ms Geraldine and so I can report that the pirates 'ave been delayed! Apparently Flossie is not the only one capable of adopting a disguise and much time was lost over a dispute about a catering bill.' 'Such a clever penguin!' Norma mooed. 'She also made an excellent job of the patio extension to the castle last year,' Quee...