Cow Island

'My rope!' Captain Bill wailed. 'My lovely rope!.......My rope!' Annie leaned across toward Cyril. 'Is that Captain Eyepatch?' she asked and Cyril nodded. 'I was just checking,' Annie continued and she did a very brief dance. 'My rope!' Captain Bill repeated. '...............................Ruined!' 'Shame!' Cyril said. 'Don't you give me that,' Captain Bill snapped. 'As if you care! It probably all looks the same to you but this is my life's work. A collection built up over years, just cast out into the sand to rot. Don't you go pretending that it means anything to you.' Cyril looked at the piece of rope that Captain Bill was holding. 'Seven strand,' he began, 'anticlockwise, twisty twisty, unless I'm very much mistaken...which I seldom am. Classic light yacht rope. Very rare these days.' Captain Bill's mouth fell open. 'See,' Cyril continued, 'y...

'I  accept what you're saying,' said Bertha, 'but for me the physicality of sculpture will always mean that the three dimensional will triumph over the two dimensional art form.' Geraldine thought very carefully for some time about Bertha's response before nibbling a herring and sliding about on her stomach. 'Anyway,' continued Bertha, 'while I'd be very happy to continue the debate I think we'd better get on don't you?' Geraldine stood up, flapped her wings and then stared off in a random direction. 'Right,' said Bertha, 'now where were we? Ah yes! Four thousand emergency breakfasts.' So Bertha finished loading the last of the four thousand emergency breakfasts onto the Pickled Heifer and Geraldine ticket them off of the ship's manifest. 'That's Cyril taken care of,' said Bertha. 'What's next?' 'Afternoonables!' mooed Annie. 'Afternoon,' replied Bertha. ...

'Do you think he'll be OK?' asked Captain Bill. 'He's big enough to take care of himself,' replied Bertha. 'Must have been a shock though,' said Captain Bill. 'You can see he's upset.' 'It's very kind of you,' gasped Horace, 'but I'll be fine.' 'Actually we were talking about Cyril,' replied Bertha. 'Annie beat him to the cupcake!' 'Oh my!' muttered Horace and he turned a little pale. 'You know...I think he might have let her,' suggested Norma. Everyone looked at Norma. 'Well it's possible!' she mooed. 'Anyway if we could return to things closer to hoof. I think we've got more important things to concentrate on.' 'True,' said Bertha. 'Indeed,' agreed Captain Bill, 'we aught to get our priorities right...........where did you find it?' 'I meant about Horace!' said Norma. 'Oh right,' replied Captain...

'You as well!' said Norma. 'At least I'm carrying a sword!' 'Onebody even suggested my horns might be too pointy!' replied Bertha. 'I'm certainly changing my mind about what it's like to be a pirate,' added Norma. 'Anyhow, you were saying?' 'Yes!'said Bertha, 'In the end he got went back and got one with a toasting fork attachment.' 'But he doesn't need one!' replied Norma. 'I know!' mooed Bertha. 'But he wouldn't listen and he took out the extended warranty!' 'That's where they get you every time!' replied Norma. 'Still I've managed to pick up one or two things myself,' continued Bertha. 'A book on pirate librarians and there's a stall doing knitting patterns.' 'We saw that,' replied Norma, 'I hoping to get back there later, which ones did you get?' 'Erm?' said Bertha. 'There's a hat in the shape of...

'It's quite sympathetically written really,' said Norma. 'I still think it would have been nice if Geraldine had asked first,' replied Bertha. 'I suppose so,' said Norma. 'Well I just don't see it,' mooed Captain Bill, 'you're honestly saying this is based on us?' 'Of course it is!' replied Bertha. 'But I don't see how it can be,' said Captain Bill, 'I mean take this Captain Bert, the man's a complete buffoon!' 'Errrr?' said Norma. 'Look here,' continued Captain Bill, 'on page 47, he manages to sink his ship before he even gets aboard it!' 'Oh, don't give the plot away,' mooed Bertha, 'I haven't got that far yet!' 'Actually I'd forgotten that had happened,' added Norma. 'And he doesn't know his Port from his Starboliarboliboard,' added Captain Bill. 'Well I have to say I'm rather enjoying it,' said Norma. 'It's n...

'A cruise!' gasped Norma. 'If you don't fancy it,' replied Captain Bill, 'I can cancel...no problem.' 'Don't you dare!' mooed Bertha. 'And it's all paid for and everything?' asked Norma. 'Erm...yes!' replied Captain Bill. 'Oh, it's a wonderful present!' said Norma, 'and so thoughtful!' 'Well it just goes to show,' said Captain Bill. 'And it says we can eat and drink as much as we like!' pointed out Bertha. 'Really?' said Captain Bill. 'Well I'm sure you don't have to.' 'And we get to travel to new places and see new things...it's just perfect!' said Norma. 'Often overrated though,' replied Captain Bill, 'you might decide you'd rather just give the whole thing a miss....maybe just stay at home instead.' 'Not a chance,' said Bertha. 'Well...glad you like,' said Captain Bill, 'although it won't be until later in the...

'You'll have to be quick!' mooed Bertha, 'we can't hold her much longer!' 'She's seen the presents!' called out Cyril. 'OK!' said Norma. 'Now am I doing this or are you?' 'Erm?' said Captain Bill. 'I will then,' said Norma, 'we'd just like to say thank you for sticking with us for yet another twelve months and we'd like to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.' 'I would have said something almost exactly the same,' added Captain Bill. 'Right,' said Norma, 'release the Annie!' 'PRESENTS!!!' screamed Annie, 'CHRISTMAS! MINCE PIES! MORE PRESENTS!' And she stampeded past everyone and ran straight into the tree. 'So have we got time for my poem?' asked Horace. 'Sorry,' said Norma. (We'll be back on the 3rd of January) (It's not our fault you understand...it's the Great Pencil...for some reason he thinks he deserv...

Right, morning all. It does seem a long time since we last spoke. I do hope you're wrapping up warm now the cold weather is here. Now I must say Annie has picked out a very fine tree! We should be able to lift it by the end of the day and then get it moved tomorrow. The baking on Sunday went well and I've booked a Cyril so shifting it shouldn't be too much of a problem. After that it'll be decorations time. This will probably involve Annie getting covered in tinsel. It doesn't seem to matter how careful we are, she only has to walk past the box and it self empties itself. Anyway, I'm sure we'll get there. Take care, nibble something hot and put on a scarf. Bertha

Hello everyone It's just me today. I thought it might be nice to have a little chat. So how are you all? I have to say it's nice to be home at last, although suddenly it appears to be winter and christmas is only just around the corner...a very small corner. So I hope you're all wrapping up nice and warm and having lots of hot drinks. And what about the weekend? Are you doing anything nice? I need to find Annie and Geraldine but after that I hope to find time to put my hooves up and relax. Perhaps I'll try and find somewhere quite and have a little 'me time'. Well take care and hugs to you all. Norma PS We'll be back on Monday

'But I didn't do it deliberately! mooed Norma. 'And the hat?' asked Captain Bill. 'It looks a bit damp that's all,' replied Norma, 'and anyway you said you just wanted help getting down, I didn't realise you expected me to carry you all the way ashore!' 'It wasn't far,' pointed out Captain Bill. 'Far enough,' replied Norma, 'and if you don't mind me saying, you're not as light as you once were.' 'Rubbish!' said Captain Bill, 'I've never been in better shape. Still, moving the conversation along, would you kindly get your hat boxes moved somewhere else.' 'Well, 'replied Norma, 'firstly, they're not hat boxes and secondly, they're not mine.' 'Hmm,' said Captain Bill, 'who's are they then?' 'According to the labels they're yours,' replied Norma. Captain Bill had a good long look at the labels on the boxes. 'Cyril!' he shouted...

'Hopeless!' muttered Captain Bill. 'Absolutely hopeless!' 'Well that was the general opinion,' agreed Norma, 'perhaps if you'd given the order to take down the sail?' 'Well I didn't see the island did I!' mooed Captain Bill. 'That's because you had your eyes closed,' replied Norma. 'Anyway are you going to get down from there?' Captain Bill looked about him. 'Might need someone to lend a hoof,' he said. 'Well it will have to be me,' replied Norma, 'everyone else is busy.' 'Doing?' 'Cyril said something about checking a delivery note,' replied Norma, 'and I've asked Annie to keep an eye on where Geraldine is going and Horace is writing a poem for you just in case Bertha does decide to kill you.' 'Hmm, I suppose she's blaming me for this?' said Captain Bill.' 'I think everyone is,'replied Norma, 'and it might be a good idea to avoid Bert...

'Which lads,' concluded Flossie, 'makes that just about the most comprehensive and frank explanation of what happened to us as any sheep could possibly hope to give or receive.' As one the flock bleated it's delight in agreement. 'And also,' continued Flossie, 'I think it goes a very long way to helping to justify why we've been given our own blogs over the next couple of weeks.' But at this point, instead of giving their agreement the flock remained surprisingly silent. 'Lads are a bit worried,' bleated Lefty. 'Worried?' asked Flossie. 'Lads feel it might be asking a bit much of them,' indicated Lefty. 'But lads!' cried Flossie, 'My lucky lads! We can't pass this up. It's our big chance, the world is watching. Think of it, blogs of our own and nobody to stop us. We can do what we like. There could be ships to board, plunder to gain, buckles to be swashed and all in a safety conscious, non ru...

Hello everyone! It's been a while and I do miss our little chats. Well who would ever have thought that we'd get to 1,000 blogs! I can't remember half the things we've done. Even when I haven't had a glass of wine! I promise I'll be a bit more careful about that sort of thing. I sometimes think that I get a bit worked up with trying too hard to organise everything and then it all gets a bit much and then I have a little drink...etc, etc. Anyway, back to now. It would be wonderful if we could stay for longer with Camille but it'll take a while to get home and Captain Bill wants to be back for Christmas (is it really that close already???). So hopefully we can be underway by the end of next week. Which means there's just time for a quick trip around the shops. Given the way the weather is going I suspect a new winter hat might be a good idea. Anyway, do have a great weekend and keep warm. Bye Norma PS There really is no need to send us extra cake...

Camille stood looking across a very overgrown classroom. 'Now I'm thinking that telling the caretaker not to bother too much until we got back was a bit of an administrative error!' she declared. 'I'm sure we can help to get things sorted out,' suggested Captain Bill. 'CYRIL!' called Bertha. 'Already onto it!' munched Cyril.'Has anyone got any salt?' But they didn't. 'Still it's clearly a lovely school,' suggested Norma. 'I like to think so,' mooed Camille,'and unless little Jean Claude has suddenly grown a lot, I think I can safely say that 'e 'as found ma desk!' And indeed he had. 'Right,' continued Camille,'all we need to do now is locate the books and pencils and ma register and everything will be, 'ow you say, all ship shape.' 'Burp!' burped Cyril. 'Hmm,' said Norma,'I fear we might have just lost the register!' 'Burp!' burped Cyril for...

'Ah!' said Camille,''ome at last!' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill, 'well anyone can make a simple error.' 'Well honestly!' continued Camille, 'like 'ow can you get lost that close to shore?' 'Actually a lot of islands are on wheels these days,' explained Captain Bill, 'and in a strong wind...' 'But we were like only 5 minutes away and it took us 4 hours!' 'Aggressive waves?' suggested Captain Bill. 'Hmm,' replied Camille,'anyway I suppose we made it eventually.' 'I imagine you'll want to be contacting the parents of all your little students?' said Norma. Camille stopped and looked at Norma. 'Are you kidding? That sort of trouble I can well do without! I was thinking maybe I'll just carry on and 'ope they just don't notice that we're 3 months late getting back...it's worked in the past! But anyway, before anything else, I 'ave an important civi...

Hellloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!* Annie here! As Norma (my best friend) may have already pointed out, as we've got a bit of 'down time', we're having a gentle explore around Mr Sir King Very Rich Person's ship. Now it's very important that you don't view this as just a weak excuse for us to dress up in a few funny hats to pad out the week's blogs.....because that would just be so very, very, very wrong. Anyway, here I am in a funny hat. I don't know who's it is. Norma (still my best friend, little time has passed) thinks that it might belong to a general or a head Gardener (on a ship?). My suggestion that it could just be a part of a big dressing up box has been ignored. For fashion watchers, Geraldine is modelling some sort of nice long sleeved blue coat with braiding. With winter approaching I think I'll advise her to try to hang onto it. Right, time to get on, thank you for your attention......tired now! Annie * Today's...

Hello everyone, Norma here. Such a lot seems to have happened since we last spoke! I mean it's all very well having adventures but there's a lot to be said for just putting your hooves up and enjoying a nice cup of tea and a chat. So how have you been? You look well I must say, but a bit tired. I suppose you're rushing about as usual! Hopefully we'll be able to have a few lazy days onboard King Otto's ship. There's certainly plenty of room for everyone. I think I might just find a quiet hammock and snooze for a day or two. Although I think everyone else wants to have a bit of an explore! Well I do hope you have a nice weekend and do try to find a little 'me' time. Hugs Norma

Right, are we all sitting uncomfortably? Good! Queen Phoebe here and not wearing the happy face! Really there used to be a time when One could lock up a load of villains and expect them to stay put! Of course this'll be all over the papers for weeks! And who'll get the blame? My Hubbie that's who! And he's such a dear sweet little thing. You know sometimes One likes to sit of an evening and just look at 'im. Anyway enough of the shared private info. The point is it's a knighthood or an earldom (your choice, not sure what the difference is, no cash alternative) for information received. Thank you. Actually, while I'm here, could I just remind you that nothing cheers his little Regalcrowness like a prezzie or several. So do be good subjects and send 'im something...right now....go on, off you go and don't forget to use some nice paper....and a bit of ribbon. Your Queenie PS Whatever tax you're paying, it wouldn't hurt to pay a bit more......

Flossie had hit the mast of the Mootilus and landed with a flop onto the deck. There followed 'a moment' when all onboard had quietly taken in the new situation....it didn't last. 'You've made a hole on our sail!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Sorry about that!' bleated Flossie,'recoil on Gertie was a bit more than I expected.' 'Oh!' exclaimed Camille,'it is just as I always 'oped it would be. The two central figures of our story brought together at last! Finally there will be a duel!' 'Ermmmm, hang on!' said Captain Bill. 'No!' continued Camille,'the moment 'as arrived. Evil must be defeated and 'ere is the opportunity. Before you stands the pirate capitaine armed to the teeth with a.....with a?' 'Bit of rope,' suggested Captain Bill. 'Ow ironic!' replied Camille. 'I was just trying to grab hold of something,' explained Flossie. 'Still it is a dangerous weapon,' s...

'Reporting Gertie all ready and loaded,' bleated Lefty. 'Good lads!' shouted Flossie and he gambolled over for a closer look. 'What's that big thing sticking out the end?' he asked. 'Bolster,' replied Lefty. 'Not really a cushion,' said Flossie. 'Lads were hoping you wouldn't mind,' replied Lefty. 'Is it starched?' asked Flossie. But Lefty said it wasn't. '........OK then!' said Flossie. And the crew bleated in delight. 'What else is in there?' asked Flossie. 'Just cushions,' said Lefty. 'They've taken my Teddy Bear!' called out a sheep at the back. 'Haven't put it in,' assured Lefty. 'Teddy Bear!!!' exclaimed Flossie. 'Been meaning to have a word with you about that,' said Lefty. 'Too right we will!' replied Flossie,'still it'll have to wait for the moment. Now how much powder has Hookey put in?' 'A bit,' replied Lefty. 'Ho...