Cow Island

'Har! Har! Har! Etc, etc,' Flossie bleated. 'Day 25 and only our 2nd appearance!....Slightly disappointed.' 'I could write to someone and complain?' Lefty suggested. 'No,' Flossie replied, 'you're busy enough. Wouldn't be fair to ask anymore of you. Right, on with the plot, such as it is.' 'Loading's finished,' Lefty continued. 'Took slightly longer than expected, Harriet's been having trouble finding a lamb sitter.' 'Not a problem,' Flossie replied, 'lambs should come first. Future of the flock after all.' 'Kind of you,' Lefty said, 'So, sail today, arrive Friday. I was hoping we'd have time for a little diabolical pirating on the way but I can't see how we can fit it in.' 'Would have been nice,' Flossie agreed, 'but eye on the prize. Let's carry out the fiendishly clever plan first and see if we can fit in some proper pirating on the way home....

'And so, although I fell asleep, Lord Sir Cyril of Trifleshire said it said in the rules that it was still a draw.' 'Ah, well,' Norma replied, 'I suppose that means you'll have to do it again?' 'Lord Sir Cyril of WhateverIsaidearliershire says we may have to start all over again from the beginning. He says... CRUNCH! '...that it might takes months and months to decide a winner.' And Annie slipped slightly out of the tree. 'You'll end up being made of trifle,' Norma suggested. Annie thought about this for a while. 'Do I get to choose which flavour?' she asked. 'I'd quite like to be strawbleberry or mangrove and chutney with extra cream.' CRUNCH! 'I suppose you could be any flavour that you wanted to be,' Norma replied. 'Goody!' Annie exclaimed and she slipped slightly out of the tree. CRUNCH! 'Norma,' Annie said. 'Mmm?' 'You know how sometimes I ca...

'Right,' Cyril mooed, 'Round 73, spoons ready?' Annie waved her spoon. 'Is that hallmarked?' Cyril asked. 'No, it's mine,' Annie replied and she did a little dance. 'Brilliant!' Cyril said. 'Now, can I just remind contestants of the rules.' 'Are there rules?' Annie asked. 'I'm not sure,' Cyril replied. 'I'll check the rules.' So Cyril checked the rules and there were rules so he read them out. 'One, all the trifle must be eaten. Two, climbing inside the bowl to get to the tricky bits is allowed. Three, eating the bowl is allowed. Four, eating everything else is allowed and Five, Cyril is the winner. Annie herded very close to Cyril. 'That all sounds fair to me,' she said. And Cyril kissed her on the nose. 'Tickles!' Annie giggled and she did another little dance and Geraldine joined in. 'Brilliant deux!' Cyril said and then he picked up an extra ...

'And if you like that I'll make you a full sized one,' Cyril said. Annie took a slurp through her straw. 'It's scrummy! How many strawbleberries did you put in?' she asked. 'All of them,' Cyril replied, 'and then some more.' 'Yippee!' Annie mooed. 'That's exactly what the recipe calls for. I may have a paddle in it later on.'  'A brilliant idea!' 'And then I might have a nap....adventures are very tiring.' 'That's why you shouldn't go on them all that often,' Cyril replied. 'The excitement of them can get dangerously close to exercise and no good can come of that.' 'Wise words,' Annie said. 'From now on I shall only go on an adventure when there's a W in the month....and a Q.....and 4 Ms.' And while you're waiting for Wqmmmmtober to come around?' 'Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?' Annie replied. 'I think I shall just ...

'And I luffs them both very much so it will be a difficult decision,' Annie mooed. 'OK!' Norma replied. '..................................What will?' 'Should I marry Viscount Sir Lord Cyril or a strawbleberry trifle? They have quite a few things in common. They're colourful, make me happy and can usually be found at the back of a fridge.' 'Right,' Norma said, 'maybe we could discuss this at a later date? At the moment I was hoping you could try to answer some real world type questions?' 'We can give it a go,' Annie replied, 'but you know the risks. It might be wise for me to lay down first?' So Annie laid down and Norma asked her first question. 'Where exactly is Cyril?' 'Last time I saw him he appeared to be playing kiss chase with some of the fluffies...maybe a trifle would be more loyal?' 'And Captain Bill?' '.....................................................Neve...

'Can't look! Can't look! Can't look! Can't look!' mooed Norma. 'I find,' said Cyril, 'in times like these, when it all gets a bit stressy, nothing helps more than a big spoonful of strawberry trifle.' 'Not for me thanks!' replied Norma. 'I'll finish it off then,' said Cyril. 'Seems a shame to waste it. So Cyril ate the last spoonful and then the spoon and then the bowl. 'How many hours has he been at it now?' asked Norma. 'Dunno,' mused Cyril. 'Four, four and a half?' 'HARD A STARBOLIABOLIBOARD!' shouted Captain Bill. 'YOU MEAN PORT!' shouted back Bertha. 'And I really don't know why he keeps doing that?' 'What?' asked Norma. 'Shouting out the course corrections,' replied Bertha. 'He's the one doing the steering!' 'I don't think he's ever really understood the connection between the wheel and the rudder,...

'Huge twenty ton block of granite in place?' 'Check!' mooed Norma. 'Wonky horned bovine in place?' 'Check!' mooed Norma. 'Penguin clutching a wall?' 'Check!' 'Wind speed below 5mph?' 'Check!' Ridiculousituationometer?' 'Off the scale!' agreed Norma. 'Ready to go then!' said Bertha. 'Just waiting for Cyril?' said Norma. 'Indeed!' replied Bertha. 'What's he doing now?' asked Norma. 'He's just fed Annie the last of the final trifle,' replied Bertha. 'Now he's licking the spoon...correction he's eaten the spoon!' 'Wouldn't have expected anything else,' said Norma. 'And now......aw! He does give a good hug when he wants to!'  'He's just a big softy really,' added Norma. 'He's clear!' said Bertha. 'We're green to go!' Norma and Bertha paused. 'Are we re...

'Another spoonful of trifle?' asked Norma. 'How many have I had so far?' 'Spoonfuls or trifles?' questioned Norma. 'Hmm,' said Annie, '...........trifles.' 'Thirty seven.' 'Probably enough,' replied Annie. 'I am slightly concerned that the extra weight could slow you down,' added Norma, 'and for obvious reasons you do need to be as nimble as possible.' 'True!' agreed Annie, 'but if I'm going to be splateriaterified I'd like the splat to look as pretty as possible.' Norma turned a little pale. 'Well hopefully it won't come to that.' she suggested. 'I'm going to try my best to aviod it,' replied Annie, 'and I feel a tad more confident now I've got my sticker on.' 'That's good,' said Norma. 'Now I've got to be off soon but Cyril's going to take over until the final moments and of course you still have Geraldine...

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (Summer 'o's are now ready to harvest and may be pickled for later use.) It's me! Annie! At least I think I'm Annie, I'm sure I've got it written down somewhere to confirm it. If I'm not I'm someone incredibly like her so let's just pretend that I am and get on with things. So how are you? I'm not really interested but Norma says it's polite to ask. According to the latest reports I'm about to be spattereriaterified. I was due to only be spatterified but I got a free upgrade and some extra cushions which my chum Geraldine is test snoozing. So how are you? I'm still not really interested but it's been a while since I asked. Cake or trifle? It's a difficult one! Anyhoweverables, should things go terribly wrong and all deadsville I would like to be remembered as someone who did things and wore some pretty spiffy stripey hoof mittens while she was...

'Miss Bertha's quite quick on her hooves isn't she?' said Annie. 'Always kept herself very trim,' replied Cyril. 'You would have thought she'd be happy to have people borrowing books from her library.' 'I can't understand her behaviour at all!' replied Cyril. 'So how long have you taken it out for?' asked Annie. 'Erm,' replied Cyril, 'to be honest I'm not sure, it depends in part on whether she catches us up.' 'She does seem to be gaining on us,' mooed Annie. 'Really?' said Cyril. 'In that case I'd suggest having a nibble as we go.....would you prefer a picture of a trifle or a recipe for a chocolate cake?' 'Trifle please,' replied Annie. So Cyril tore a page from the book and Annie ate it.

He's here! He's feeling extra lovable! And he's stayed awake just for you! Ittt'ssssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Morning chums, Let's be honest, me laying on a bed, eating trifle........you'll not get that image out of your head for a good while...and neither should you want to! I don't know who's room this is....mine now I suppose! I should probably get some extra cushions and get the drapes changed, but all in good time. So far I've managed to have a nice quiet time, apart from when young Annie wandered through dressed in an assortment of silly hats, but she seemed perfectly happy and that's what counts, well that and a good meal every hour or so. Luckily there's a sort of rope pulley thing which seems to produce regular quantities of sandwiches and cake. Maybe I'll order some cake sandwiches?! Right, time for a nap, I've been awake for a good 15 minutes. Your mate Cyril

You've missed him (hopefully)! Now he's back and let's face it, he's difficult to resist! Iiiittttttttttttt'sssssssssssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLL! Dearly beloved, I am gathered here today and that's not easy when you're my size! Seriously, there are bits of me trying to get overboard even as I speak. But I am here today to accept your forgiveness (and perhaps a cake or two), for it is true: I have sinned! Now I know that, for some time, my financial arrangements have left a few of you with some degree of concern and I accept that my selling on of the Pickled Heifer has met with some minor criticism (although let's be honest, some around here make a living out of moaning). But anyway, I shall try my best (and you know how good that can be!!) to turn over a new hoof. So all I'm asking is, give young Cyril another chance. We are who we are, unless it's a question of tax returns and then the mittens are off! I leave you all with a giant Cyril hug ...