Cow Island

'Well I think it was a rotten thing to have done without warning him,' mooed Norma. 'I was only trying to help Geraldine,' replied Bertha.  'Which was kind,' accepted Norma, 'and I don't blame her for any of this and I would always support anyone who wanted to better themselves...but you must have known the effect it would have.' 'He'll get over it,' replied Bertha, 'but should he decide he doesn't want to be captain anymore.' 'Well he still has my support,' said Norma. 'Despite his...his.' 'Incompetence?' suggested Bertha. 'I wasn't going to put it in quite that way,' replied Norma, 'and in future I think these sort of things should be done in the open so everyone knows what's going on.' 'We weren't the only ones to sign,' said Bertha. 'Geraldine was kind enough to show me a copy of her application form,' replied Norma. 'Annie's si...

'I just thought it would make a nice break from looking at the maps and, while certain people are otherwise engaged with loading, we could have a chat about...getting out of the harbour,' explained Norma. Fine!' replied Captain Bill. 'If you think it's worth it?' 'Well, let's be honest,' continued Norma, 'we have had...well...problems in the past.' 'You mean when Annie fell overboard?' asked Captain Bill. 'That was one,' replied Norma, 'but I was thinking more about those occasions when we've...hit the harbour wall.' 'Remind me,' said Captain Bill. 'Well there was last time for instance and the time before that and the time before that and I recall once when we hit it despite us starting the voyage with the Pickled Heifer already moored on the other side of the island.' 'Point made!' said Captain Bill. 'Which is why I've prepared this little model for us to look a...

'I  accept what you're saying,' said Bertha, 'but for me the physicality of sculpture will always mean that the three dimensional will triumph over the two dimensional art form.' Geraldine thought very carefully for some time about Bertha's response before nibbling a herring and sliding about on her stomach. 'Anyway,' continued Bertha, 'while I'd be very happy to continue the debate I think we'd better get on don't you?' Geraldine stood up, flapped her wings and then stared off in a random direction. 'Right,' said Bertha, 'now where were we? Ah yes! Four thousand emergency breakfasts.' So Bertha finished loading the last of the four thousand emergency breakfasts onto the Pickled Heifer and Geraldine ticket them off of the ship's manifest. 'That's Cyril taken care of,' said Bertha. 'What's next?' 'Afternoonables!' mooed Annie. 'Afternoon,' replied Bertha. ...

'It was a very valid point,' said Norma. 'Oh, I know that!' replied Captain Bill. 'I recognise the point. I fully concede that it was valid.......I just wish that someone else had made it!' 'I should have thought of it I suppose,' sighed Norma. 'I think I just got carried away with the idea of going on an adventure.' 'Still, no need to give up,' replied Captain Bill. 'But if we don't know who to return the chest to or where they live?' 'Ah, but you're forgetting,' said Captain Bill. 'Maps! If you don't know where you're going you use a map!  That was the second thing they taught us at captain school.' 'What was the first?' asked Norma. 'How to keep your hat on straight,' replied Captain Bill. 'So....maps!' 'But,' said Norma, quite slowly, 'we don't know where to take it to.' '..........................Maps!' said Captain Bill....

'I'm sure I've got some thread here that's the right colour,' said Norma, 'and you think you've got a problem with one of the 'n's as well?' 'Yes,' replied Captain Bill and he held up his knitted compass and pointed at an N that had come loose. 'I really aught to knit you another one some time,' said Norma. 'I'm fine with this one,' replied Captain Bill. 'But at least then you'd have a spare,' said Norma. 'I've seen some lovely designs. More modern.' Captain Bill looked slightly uneasy. 'I've still got the old pattern,' added Norma. Captain Bill looked relieved. 'Found it!' mooed Norma and she held up a reel of deep rose coloured thread. 'Now which needle?' Captain Bill was about to feel faint at the mention of the word 'needle' when he was distracted by the arrival of Bertha. 'Right,' she began, 'I've drawn up a manifes...

'Chickens.......Turkeys........Ducks, they can all be connected up to some sort of external power source,' explained Cyril. 'Oh, I never knew,' replied Horace. 'So when Geraldine's finished reading through the brochure have a look yourself and let me know how much you want to invest.' 'I don't really have much spare at the moment. I was thinking about buying some new poetry writing paper.' 'But it would be foolish to miss out,' said Cyril. 'Perhaps I'll think about it after I've recovered.' 'Well,' replied Cyril, 'limited places! I suppose I could make an exception?' 'That's kind,' said Horace, 'and thank you for this as well. Falling off the cliff hurt me more than I first thought.' 'I always seem to survive quite easily,' mooed Annie. 'You're used to it!' said Cyril. 'The trick is to try to avoid the big pointy rocks at the bottom,' a...

'No, no not excited yet,' mooed Captain Bill. 'It is very badly damaged,' replied Norma. 'We think it may have been there some time.' 'Well you can tell that from the fact that it's all brown and worn,' said Captain Bill. 'To be honest a lot of the staining came from a cup of hot chocolate that got spilled over it,' replied Norma. 'And it's so worn because?' 'Annie tried to lick the chocolate back off,' admitted Norma. 'I suppose we should be grateful Cyril wasn't helping,' said Captain Bill. 'That was my thought,' replied Norma. 'But Annie did eventually manage to decipher the last few lines at the bottom.' Captain Bill stared at the lines at the bottom. 'If....if bound toast???'  'If found lost,' corrected Norma. 'If found lost and returned unopened a substantial reward will be paid.' Captain Bill thought for a while. 'Are we sure?' h...

'Go away!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Shoo! Shoo!' 'I assume you're not talking to me?' said Norma. 'Mmm? No! No!' replied Captain Bill. 'So do you really only have a few copies left?' Captain Bill put down his broom and looked forlornly at the small pile of magazines on the table. 'I only had a few copies to start with,' he replied. 'I suppose launching a magazine on an island that only has 6 people living on it was always going to be a gamble,' said Norma. 'Don't forget Geraldine,' reminded Captain Bill. 'She's a very avid reader so I'm told.' 'So has she bought a copy?' asked Norma. '......................No!' said Captain Bill. 'It might be that I have to rely more on the overseas market. I may need to give the next issue more of an international flavour. Ropes around the World, Hemp across the Hemisphere.' 'Global knots you may not know.' 'Y...

'And so as a result of careful consideration,' continued Annie, 'combined with recently enhanced engineering techniques, coupled with scientific insight and Geraldine's help...' At this point Geraldine ran forward, curtsied and then ran back. 'Lovely!' mooed Norma. 'Thank you!' said Annie, 'and with Geraldine's help...I managed to attach this big white arrow to my hat!' And Annie waggled her hats and the big white arrow fell off and landed in the snow. 'Bum!' said Annie. Captain Bill sighed deeply. 'Am I likely to still be below pensionable age when this finishes?' he asked. Annie shrugged her horns. 'Perhaps we should get on?' suggested Norma. 'In which case,' said Annie, 'I shall leave out my sponsor's request to mention wave powered turkeys.' 'Where is the fat one anyway?' asked Captain Bill. 'He said he had better things to do,' replied Norma. ...

'I know you don't always get on with her but she is our top forensics expert,' said Norma. Captain Bill glanced up towards Annie and shuffled forward to get a closer look at the chest. 'We're concentrating on the label on the top of it,' said Norma. 'Right,' replied Captain Bill, 'and you don't think it's likely to explode?' 'The label?' asked Norma. 'No, no the whole thing,' said Captain Bill. 'I doubt it,' replied Norma. 'And it's not booby trapped at all? No concealed knives that pop out or mallets on springs or guns on elastic bands?' 'Guns on elastic bands?' queried Norma. 'Well that sort of thing,' replied Captain Bill. 'We've no reason to think so,' said Norma. 'Fine!' said Captain Bill and he moved a bit closer. 'So what do we know about it?' 'Annie dear!' mooed Norma. Annie scrambled down from her chair, ran aroun...

'Do you think he'll be OK?' asked Captain Bill. 'He's big enough to take care of himself,' replied Bertha. 'Must have been a shock though,' said Captain Bill. 'You can see he's upset.' 'It's very kind of you,' gasped Horace, 'but I'll be fine.' 'Actually we were talking about Cyril,' replied Bertha. 'Annie beat him to the cupcake!' 'Oh my!' muttered Horace and he turned a little pale. 'You know...I think he might have let her,' suggested Norma. Everyone looked at Norma. 'Well it's possible!' she mooed. 'Anyway if we could return to things closer to hoof. I think we've got more important things to concentrate on.' 'True,' said Bertha. 'Indeed,' agreed Captain Bill, 'we aught to get our priorities right...........where did you find it?' 'I meant about Horace!' said Norma. 'Oh right,' replied Captain...

'Steady!' said Norma. 'Steady!' called out Bertha. Annie nodded and gave two waves on her flag. 'He'll need help when he gets to the top,' said Norma. Bertha looked at Captain Bill. 'What?' asked Captain Bill. 'You'll have to help him when he gets to the top.' 'ME!' said Captain Bill. 'Yes you,' replied Bertha. '........................................Err?' said Captain Bill. 'So you'll have to get closer to the edge.' '............How about...' said Captain Bill. 'No!' mooed Bertha. '...we give the whole hauling him up on a rope thing a miss...' 'No!' mooed Bertha. '...and I go down to the harbour. Nothing to do with getting away from the horrible, near certain death, cliff edge and sail the Pickled Heifer around and pick him up from the beach?' 'No!' said Bertha and Norma. 'Shouldn't take more than a day or t...

'So what's the hold up?' asked Bertha. 'He's just finishing a sonnet,' replied Norma. 'Now?' asked Bertha. 'It just came to him,' replied Norma. 'He won't be a minute.' 'Well actually!' called up Horace. 'He won't be long,' repeated Norma. Bertha ran up to the top of the rise and back again. 'Geraldine can't hold him much longer. He can smell the icing already,' she pointed out. 'A minute, two at the most,' said Norma with a smile. 'Perhaps I could be of more use back there?' suggested Captain Bill. 'You stay just where you are!' mooed Bertha. 'Can I remind you who's captain,' said Captain Bill. 'I could soon make some more confetti,' replied Bertha. 'Oooooooooooooh!' said Annie. 'Is there going to be another wedding? Could I be best man? Does Captain Eyepatch have to divorce the tree first? Only they've not been t...

'Hopeless!' muttered Captain Bill. 'Absolutely hopeless!' 'It was an accident,' replied Norma. 'Well why does he need to stand that close to the edge anyway?' 'I think it's just a poet thing,' replied Norma. 'And falling off helps does it?' 'Actually!' called out Horace. 'He needs inspiration,' mooed Norma. 'Well can't he be inspired somewhere else?' asked Captain Bill. 'It is a very pretty view,' replied Norma. 'That's got nothing to do with it!' called out Horace. 'This would never have happened if he's stuck to limericks,' added Captain Bill. 'So,' asked Norma, 'are you actually going to come and help?' 'There's no point in all of us standing on the edge,' replied Captain Bill. 'As your Captain it's only right that I maintain some distance and act in a more...supervisory capacity.' 'And use the only ...

'It does have a crossword puzzle.' 'That's not the same thing at all!' replied Horace. 'That's what I said,' agreed Norma. 'But he's so keen about it and I'd pay for it for you.' 'How can anyone be keen about something that isn't poetry?' said Horace. 'Well not everybody's life revolves around poetry,' replied Norma. And Horace was silent for a while. 'I think I might try to get a little closer to the edge,' he said eventually. 'If you must,' sighed Norma. 'And while I think of it what happened to the hat and scarf that I knitted for you for Christmas?' 'They made me feel all warm and snuggly,' relied Horace. 'That was the whole point of giving them to you!' mooed Norma. 'I know!' replied Horace. 'I couldn't possibly write anything while I was wearing them. By the way do you think there's a chance this edge could collapse?' ...

Hello everyone! I have to say I've been a bit confused....it's been a rather quiet week for me. Everyone else seems to be busy with something or other. I couldn't even tempt Annie into coming down to the beach to have a chat with the shrimps and Bertha wanted to get started on a new sculpture. So I've been having a look around the island by myself. I'm pleased to say there's a few spring bulbs coming through at last which is a relief as winter seems to have been twice as long as normal this year. Perhaps we'll get a nice summer to make up for it? Anyway I'd better be getting along. Hope things are going well where you are. Hugs and a hot chocolate Norma.

SURVIVING WINTER Any fool might pass a summer's day For the sun is for all It takes no hero To lay in the long grass And lose an idle hour In a dream But the dark days of winter Must also be lived When, cold set Loneliness, tight fitted Wears close to the skin And in the silent hours Tears run free and fall And the earth made damp Awaits the warmth of spring Thank you Horace

'I'm just not sure that it's me!' mooed Norma. 'But it's soooo this season,' replied Camille. Norma had another look in the mirror. 'I was really just after something to keep my horns warm,' she said. Camille raised her eyes. 'Ma dear Norma, I'm like wondering 'ow you ever get to buying anything with that sort of attitude!' 'It's just,' said Norma, 'well I've had trouble in the past, so I'm trying to be sensible and it does seem rather expensive.' 'Well it can only be expensive if it is for someone who is not worth it!' pointed out Camille, 'and you Norma are more worth it than just about anyone else I know! So if you want my advice, which I'm like giving for free anyway, that Captain Bill can just jolly well pay up and be grateful 'e's got you on the team!' 'Oh, I couldn't ask Captain Bill to pay,' replied Norma. ' 'orace then,' said Camille, 'le...

Hello everyone! It's been a while and I do miss our little chats. Well who would ever have thought that we'd get to 1,000 blogs! I can't remember half the things we've done. Even when I haven't had a glass of wine! I promise I'll be a bit more careful about that sort of thing. I sometimes think that I get a bit worked up with trying too hard to organise everything and then it all gets a bit much and then I have a little drink...etc, etc. Anyway, back to now. It would be wonderful if we could stay for longer with Camille but it'll take a while to get home and Captain Bill wants to be back for Christmas (is it really that close already???). So hopefully we can be underway by the end of next week. Which means there's just time for a quick trip around the shops. Given the way the weather is going I suspect a new winter hat might be a good idea. Anyway, do have a great weekend and keep warm. Bye Norma PS There really is no need to send us extra cake...

You've missed him...but he's been working hard...and now he's back! Iiiitttttttt'ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss CYRILLLLLLLLLLL! Morning chumlettes! I was only trying to help! Get rid of the snow they said! So seeing as they've taken my broom away, I thought it was time to approach the problem the Cyril way! FOR SALE: Individually wrapped snowballs! I know, I know, how did you live without them? But here they are, hoof picked and packed and ready to be posted. Only the very best snow has been used with each individual flake checked by our highly trained staff* So buy now...while it's still a bit chilly! Thank you Take care Dr Cyril Snow *It's Annie, you have been warned!