Wednesday, 15 July 2009
How to smile nicely at a Queen
'CALL IT OFF!' exclaimed Queen Phoebe.
'Well you could if you wanted to,' replied Captain Bill.
'But you can't go having a Grand Royal Rowing Type Regatta and then not have a final race!' said Queen Phoebe.
'But there's not going to be a race anyway,' replied Captain Bill, 'not with Queen Jasmine's lot. They don't race people, they just hit them until they give in! It'll be sheer carnage - and what's more it's cheating and if there's one thing I can't stand it's cheating!'
Queen Phoebe looked at Captain Bill.
'Well in that case,' she said, 'perhaps I'd better have a word with Cyril?'
'That's different,' replied Captain Bill, 'that's gamesmanship! He just offered a little assistance in his own unique way... he can't help it if he's not well up on the finer points of the rules.'
'Well it doesn't matter anyway,' said Queen Phoebe, 'there has to be a final and that's that! My hubbie - isn't he wonderful - has gone to a lot of trouble over this. There's merchandising and nibbles, not to mention the corporate hostility that's been arranged and we've had to open a special ballooniport cus there's so many people coming in. If we called it off now the press would give us a right duffing up!'
'But you're a Queen,' pointed out Captain Bill, 'you can do anything you like!'
'True,' replied Queen Phoebe,'but even then, there are limits and besides, if there isn't a final you can't win your ship back. Don't you care about that?'
'Well of course I care,' mooed Captain Bill, 'it's my ship...
...but they're also my crew... and my friends!'