Thursday, 30 August 2012
Harbouring problems? Try talking to a friend
'Port!' mooed Captain Bill, 'Port! Port! PORT!'
'But that is port!' shouted Horace.
'Is it?' asked Captain Bill. 'What month is it?'
'Does that make any difference?' asked Horace.
'Of course it does!' replied Captain Bill. 'Or does it? Where's Norma?'
'I think she's with Queen Phoebe?'
'Typical!' replied Captain Bill. 'Now.....slightly starboilarboilboard...bit more...bit more....noooowwwww steady.....steady....port! Port man! PORT! LEFT! RIGHT! UP! DOWN! LEFT!'
'But I don't think I can make it go up and down,' said Horace, 'not with the twirly whirly.'
'It's called a wheel!' mooed Captain Bill.
'I don't think I care,' replied Horace, 'I still can't make the ship go up...or down for that matter.'
'Always excuses!' called out Captain Bill. 'Ah! Wait! Wait! Port...no starboiliarboli...no port...no...no..NO! Careful! Who put that ship there? How dare they! Don't they know anything about captaining! Right....go left.'
'Right go left?' repeated Horace.
'You know what I meant!' replied Captain Bill.
'I think I'd be forgiven for not knowing,' replied Horace.
'ANNIE OVERBOARD!' called out Bertha.
'Leave her!' said Captain Bill. 'We can pick her up later, next year possibly! Now, port.....port.......err! Wall! Wall approaching! Back!'
'BUT IT DOESN'T GO BACK!' screamed Horace.
'Oh, go around again!' replied Captain Bill.
So Horace spun the twirly whirly and the Pickled Heifer turned.