Wednesday, 22 January 2014
If you want to get ahead
'So she spends something like eleventy billion years telling me that the green bits are land and the blue bits are sea and then all of a sudden, without any sort of warning, I'm supposed to accept that the green bits are now the sea! I mean how on earth is anyone to be expected to get their horns around that! If you ask me it's that sort of arbitrary unannounced change that has led to so much of the havoc that we've so frequently encountered in the past during so many of our voyages. It's no wonder that she's steered the ship into the harbour wall on numerous occasions. I try my best to take these changes on board but I can't be expected to remember everything and people will blame me if anything goes wrong. Oh you're the captain, you should have known. I wouldn't be surprised if this resulted in us sinking again I really wouldn't. I can see it now, sailing along on a flat calm 'blue' sea, you spot some green, possibly not, land, I become understandably confused and the next thing we know it's chaos, utter chaos! We could lose lives over this I'm telling you. I despair I really do!'
'Are you here for a reason?' asked Bertha.
'Morale boosting visit,' said Captain Bill. 'It's a part of my captainy duties. A tour of the troops on the front line. So....how's it going?'
'We appear to be coping,' replied Bertha.
'Excellent! Excellent!' said Captain Bill. 'Cyril done anything constructive yet?'
'Well he's not eaten the emergency breakfasts,' replied Bertha.
'Is he not well?'
'I think he's just waiting until we set sail.'
'Public spirited!' mooed Captain Bill. 'Horace?'
'Light duties,' replied Bertha.
'I heard that!' called out Annie.
'Annie,' said Bertha. '.........has been loading important cargo. Which just leaves Geraldine and before you ask she has been her usual invaluable self.'
'Fine,' replied Captain Bill. 'Fine! Nice to know! And here she is! Everyone's favourite web footed chum. Helpful as ever. Standing there in her little captain'sssssssssssssss hat! Why....why is Geraldine wearing a captain's hat?'
But everyone had to wait until tomorrow to find out.