When running a Library was difficult.

'No!' said Bertha.

'Hang on!' replied Captain Bill. 'I've not asked for anything yet!'

'All the same,' said Bertha, 'I'm not interested in stocking your magazine. I'm not going to become interested in stocking your magazine and if you take just one step closer I shall take it off of you, tear it into confetti sized pieces and glue them to you using this pot of glue that I've been saving for just such an occasion,' 

Captain Bill looked carefully at the pot of glue on the desk. It said 'For gluing confetti sized pieces of magazine onto Captain Bill. Do not use for any other purpose' on the label in very small but neat hoof writing.

'People are supposed to mellow with age,' suggested Captain Bill.

'I'm not people,' replied Bertha, 'I'm Bertha.'

'It's got a crossword puzzle,' said Captain Bill and he pointed at it.

'No it hasn't,' replied Bertha, 'it's got a...bossword muzzle?'

'There may be a couple of typos,' conceded Captain Bill. 'It's not easy putting out a top quality magazine all on your own.'

'One down is rope,' observed Bertha, '...and one across...and seven down and eight, fourteen and twelve across...are all the answers rope?'

'It's an in joke,' replied Captain Bill, 'readers'll love it and talking of readers I would have thought, given the paucity of books on your library shelves you'd have been more than happy to take anything that was offered.'

'I'm awaiting returns,' said Bertha. 'Horace has several poetry books out on loan at the moment.'

'Still,' replied Captain Bill, 'it's hardly awash with reading matter. I'm not sure you can afford to turn down an opportuni...'

'I can!' interrupted Bertha.

'How about if I lent it to you and then borrowed it back myself?'

'I'd probably have to sit on you to glue them on,' mused Bertha.

'You'd have to catch me first,' said Captain Bill.

'I would!' replied Bertha.

'Last chance,' said Captain Bill, 'or I'll go elsewhere.'

'I wish you would.' 

'How about if I just leave it on the desk?'

'Final warning!' said Bertha.

'Tis the season of goodwill,' replied Captain Bill with a smile.

And he took a step forward.