Monday, 10 February 2014

From ship to shore

'Idiot!' shouted Captain Bill. 'I clearly indicated that we were turning to starboliarboliboard!'

'We turned to port,' mooed Norma.

'Did we?' said Captain Bill. 'Well anyway, they should have been looking where they were going. We clearly had right of way.'

'Perhaps we could turn back and help them?' suggested Norma.

'You must be joking!' replied Captain Bill. 'Besides the water's not very deep by the look of it. I doubt they'll sink....very far.'

'HARBOUR APPROACHING!' called out Bertha.

'Right,' said Captain Bill, 'do you think I should take control of the twirly thing?'

'Geraldine does seem to be coping,' replied Norma.

'Hmm,' you're probably right,' said Captain Bill. 'I shouldn't get myself lost in the minor details. A captain needs to maintain a wider view.'

'I think that would be wise,' replied Norma.

'But if anything happens it's not my fault. I feel I should point that out. It won't be my fault, it'll be Geraldine's...not mine. I'll not be to blame.'

'I think we're all prepared to take the risk,' said Norma.

So the Pickled Heifer jinked and turned and bobbed and glided...smoothly and safely into the harbour.

'Weigh anchor and don't do the joke!' said Norma.

'Well...well I think I managed that pretty effectively,' said Captain Bill.

'I wouldn't have any doubt that the level of your contribution was critical to our success.' replied Norma. 'And given the number of people on the quayside I'm glad you got it so right.'

'There are a lot of them aren't there,' observed Captain Bill.

'I don't think I've ever seen so many,' said Norma. 'Guards and people and....more guards.'

'Of course they might have heard we were coming,' replied Captain Bill. 'They do this sort of thing for visiting dignitaries you know. I wouldn't be surprised if even now someone was knocking seven bells out of a roll of red carpet with a blunt halberd.'

'That would account for the even more extra guards who have just turned up,' said Norma.

'I think,' replied Captain Bill, 'I may just go and straighten me hat up. You go ahead if you want, let them know I'm on my way.'

'Fine!' mooed Norma.

So while Captain Bill looked for a spirit level, Norma, Geraldine and Bertha went on to see what all the fuss was about.

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