A drink for heroes

'But...but where? Where, how, you, where, were, what????' stammered Captain Bill.

'You need to stay calm,' replied Cyril. 'I keep telling you.'

'But I thought...I thought you'd gone ashore?'

'Not really my sort of scene,' replied Cyril. 'It all looked...too active.'

'So...so you've been here the whole time?'

'Everyone has to be somewhere,' replied Cyril.

'But we've been held prisoner in this tiny room for days!'

'I know,' replied Cyril.

'They made us take exercise,' mooed Horace.

'I heard the screams,' replied Cyril.

'But you could have rescued us!' exclaimed Captain Bill. 'You could have rescued us at any point!'

'Not at any point,' replied Cyril. 'I had to plan. You can't just rush into these sorts of things. There's lots to be considered. Timing, escape route, how many guards, what wine to serve?'

'WHAT WINE TO SERVE!!!!'

'That was the really tricky one,' replied Cyril. 'If you're rescuing people from almost certain death. What wine should you serve them?'

'I....I don't care!' mooed Captain Bill. 'I couldn't care less! Are you really trying to tell me that I've spent the last week languishing here while you to tried to decide what wine...'

'A heavy red!' suggested Horace.

''That was my first thought,' said Cyril. 'I really full bodied red. A mourvedre or a petite sirah. Something that would encapsulate the seriousness of the affair. But then I thought, actually rescuing someone is a happy occasion, go light, go bubbles. Who doesn't like bubbles?'

'Do I look like I want a glass of champagne?' asked Captain Bill.

'Now you ask.....No!' replied Cyril. 'Lucky really as I seem to have inadvertently only managed to pour one for myself.'

'Fine!' said Captain Bill. 'So if you could just get on with the rescuing part?'

'If you wish,' replied Cyril. 'No rush really but this way please.'

So Cyril, Horace and Captain Bill made their way through into a finely decorated, magnificently appointed, heavily carpeted and beautifully proportioned room.

'Is this your cabin?' asked Horace.

'Don't be silly,' replied Cyril. 'This is the lift.'