Saturday, 24 May 2014
In lukewarm pursuit
'Norman came to the conclusion that the pirate sheep had never been there, but I knew better,' explained Captain Bill.
'And you would be 'appy for me to 'ave Monsieur Norman confirm this?' asked Camille.
'Probably best to take my word for it,' replied Captain Bill. 'He can be a bit touchy about that sort of thing. Elephants, you know what they're like!'
Camille deployed an extra long 'hmm'.
'Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?' it went, and she accompanied it with a stare and would have followed it up with another 'Hmm?' of even greater length but Norma arrived and interrupted her.
'I'm afraid they must have taken every pointy sword they could lay their evil hooves on,' she said. 'They've been dropping them everywhere.'
'Indeed!' replied Camille. 'It is like some huge, pointy sword, contemporary sculpture trail which 'as been designed by some weird artist type person...although it isn't...I was just letting my mind roam free.'
'Bertha said very much the same thing,' said Norma. 'Although in a different accent and with slightly more, 'I wish I'd thought of doing this', in her voice.'
'Perhaps,' mooed Captain Bill, 'perhaps we've all made a terrible mistake and that's what it actually...'
'No!' said Camille. 'It isn't! Even I, who 'as not even seen the piratey sheeps so far, am accepting that it is their work behind all of this.'
'And by carefully measuring the depth of the wheel tracks in the ground, Bertha has been able to calculate the weight of gunpowder, cannon and assorted sundries that they must have loaded into the cart that they now have,' added Norma.
'Yes,' replied Captain Bill. '......................She would!'
'And it is, I am guessing, because I am admitting that I, being a teacher, am not the best at mathematics, an 'eck of a lot?' said Camille.
'It is!' replied Norma.
And for a while everyone stood around and imagined what a very heavily armed flock of deadly pirate sheep might look like.
But luckily for you readers.................................................