Tuesday, 5 July 2016
Elephant sailing made easy
'Steady as she goes!' Captain Bill mooed.
'HE goes,' Bertha said.
'As you know,' Captain Bill continued, 'by long tradition, all ships and vessels are considered to be female.'
'Norman isn't a ship.'
'But if we are at sea then to all intent and purposes he is! Now, where was I? Just how do you steer an elephant? The ears would seem to suggest themselves. Six degrees to port!
And Captain Bill poked at one of Norman's ears.
'Is it? I do wish they wouldn't keep swapping them about.'
'And there's no need to steer him, Norman can see perfectly well were he's going. Cow Island is only two minutes away.'
'I am still required to fulfill my role as a Captain. It would be a dereliction of my duties not to do so.....................We really should be showing a light, you know that don't you?'
'Not when the whole point of crossing at night is so that we don't get seen.'
'Naval regulations still require a light.'
'If,' Bertha replied, 'you make any attempt to show a light I shall extinguish it and it won't be the only light I'll be putting out.'
'If you have to resort to violence then you have lost the argument,' Captain Bill pointed out.
Bertha thought for a moment.
And then there was a splash.
'Oh dear!' she said. 'I've lost!'