Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Of pointy swords and scaffolding



'But as health and safety courses go it was really interesting,' continued Lefty.


'Well glad I sent you on it then!' replied Flossie, 'and the posters?'


'Mostly about running with swords. I'm afraid they've tightened things up again!'


At this moment Hooky tapped several times on the grass.


'Well,' replied Lefty, 'it now covers swords, daggers, forks including cake forks and skewers.'


'Doesn't leave a lot!' said Flossie dispiritedly.


'I had a word with mum,' replied Lefty, 'she's got some long handled spoons in a draw somewhere.'


'Not the same though is it!' said Flossie. 'Boarding an enemy vessel, swinging across on a rope with a long handled spoon clenched between your gnashers.'


'Ah!' said Lefty. 'Glad you mentioned that. Rope's out!'


'Out!' bleated Flossie.


'Out!' confirmed Lefty. 'From now on boarding can only be carried out using properly erected scaffolding. There's a list of approved contractors somewhere?'


'Scaffolding!' exclaimed Flossie. 'How long is that going to take?'


'Erm, I did a few calculations, 'replied Lefty, 'I recon, if it all goes well, weather allowing, everything turns up on time, early starts etc, etc...about 3 days...and then you have to get it signed off...they send an inspector around.'


'They're taking all the fun out of it! cried Flossie.


'Won't really matter anyway,' replied Lefty, 'as from next year we have to give 14 days notice before we can attack..in writing!'


'Hardly seems worth it anymore!' said Flossie.


And Hooky tapped in agreement.

7 comments:

Armenoi said...

Obviously the same crowd that closed our road for reasons of 'international sporting security'!
We are just sending out some moles with inflammatory leaflets to try to elicit food from anyone with sense.
It could take some time.

Gina said...

Hahaha....hubby was compliance officer for local council...can't wait to read him this :D I'll ask him if there are any loopholes lol :D XXX

Heather Leavers said...

hope you'll be joining us in Hastings for Pirate Day on 22nd July? I'll be taking cake http://hastingspirateday.org.uk

Tina Mammoser said...

sheeeeeeep! pirates! aaarrrrr! :)

Gina said...

Nice ex-council worker says...they need to apply "working at heights,short working times recommendations" ...this means they can swing on the ropes, as long as they only stay on them for 5 minutes at a time...but this is only a recommendation,not a specific rule lol :D

Armenoi said...

I can see that Gina is going to be the fount of wisdom for all Sheepy Pirate related matters - well done.
Don't forget to ask for consultancy rates!
P.S. please don't investigate rules to stop Annie from using the Helter Skelter are knitting with pointy needles etc. She just wouldn't understand and she has so much fun.

Jeanette House said...

hahaha!! I hope Lefty will be updating all the pirate Risk Assessments...?!